sex and the big O

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Gentry, Feb 3, 2015.

  1. Gentry

    Gentry Active Member

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    <3
     
    #1
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2017
  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Oh dear, truly, I think now I have heard of everything. No matter how good things sound to 99 percent of us, she is 100 percent in your care when you are with her. She doesn't like it then you need to find out where or when she would like you to pull back. And when you do, make sure she is held and tell her that you are with her. And if she somehow experiences it again then hold her and sooth her, try massaging her back and you may quiet the intensity down. It is the most intimate form of connecting with someone, it is okay to have some verbal confirmations during.
     
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  3. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

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    Oof, orgasms are tough! I think they're great, but sometimes scary because I hate losing control of my body, and because many sensations that let me know I'm getting close to climaxing are so intense that I can't tell the difference between pleasure and pain. While I would never say that I don't like orgasms, I totally get where your girlfriend is coming from.

    I was anorgasmic until about two years into my relationship with my now wife; I also didn't enjoy penetrative sex much, and if you'd asked would have said that I just didn't like sex much, period. This had a lot to do with me, and a little to do with previous sexual experiences. That said, we had great sex the whole time, because she listened, cared for me, respected my needs, and knew how to make me feel safe. Over the course of time, because I absolutely trusted her, my ability to relax around her increased... and with it came my ability to, well, come, as well as to enjoy it.

    Listen to what your partner is asking you, and make sure that for her sex is about what she wants and needs, not what you think she wants and needs. There is lots of really loving sex you can have that doesn't involve her orgasming; try that. I used to really like to stay in the "mild buzz" zone of being turned on and touched, because it was pleasure I could recognize without feeling stressed. Try some different things - with your hands, hips, and bodies; with toys. Make sure to keep talking, loving, and laughing with her during sex, and learn how to check in and give her breaks, or opportunities to stop. Don't worry about the orgasmic finish line, because maybe she just really wants to be out for a stroll with you, not running a race.
     
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  4. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    It makes sense and looks like you are listening to her. Actually this sounds like something new and exciting for you to explore because she responds to more subtle stimulation. Getting to know her is a great way to channel your intensity. You care about her and spends your waking moment thinking about this, I am sure you two can find many great pleasures together.
     
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