Scared to make future plans

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by scaredygay, Mar 8, 2019.

  1. scaredygay

    scaredygay New Member

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    Hey all! It's my first time posting here, so for come context (ps sorry if this is a long and rambling mess! I can clarify if needed):

    I absolutely love my gf. I think she's sweet, wonderful, funny and kind. We've been dating for about 7 months now and every problem we've come up to, we've managed to work through. However, she's graduating this year and doesn't know where she's going, and I'm graduating next year and I don't know where I'm going. When we first started dating, I considered breaking things off when she left- it's my first relationship and I didn't want anything too serious. She is very serious and really wants to plan long term. Now, I realize that I'm not still interested in breaking up just because of distance, but I'm still too scared to plan long term. I think some of my reluctance is justified- I don't want to plan for a year out when she's still waiting to hear about jobs and grad school, and I'm going to be there in a year anyway too. But some of my worries are less practical- I get scared planning to do things a month in the future from now. I love her, take our relationship seriously, and don't want to break up, but I feel like anything could happen. I feel like my worries get in the way of feeling fully secure in our relationship, and that's not fair to her.

    Long story short: How can I plan ahead with my gf for the future when there's so much we're unsure of? And how can I get over my worries that make planning super scary?
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Well, the truth is, anything could happen in life, so you might as well embrace what you are passionate about. Not only is the word "scared" in your profile, it is sprinkled throughout your post. I can understand concern and a feeling of uncertainty about the future. What I am reading is a lot more. I am not sure why.

    Perhaps modern life has become one big precautionary tale after another. A twenty year old today would have grown up with gentler versions of bedtime stories, but it all stops there. After that she are bombarded with all the things that internet, the news, social media warn them about. Then school is harder than ever before, getting into college is difficult, and once you are in and have found some relief you got in, you have all this real life growing up stuff that living at home never prepared you for.

    So, all that noise aside, I would entreat you to first treat your schooling and your career seriously. You are right, your concerns are justified. When I mentioned that you might want to embrace your passion, I don't think it is her. She is your sweetheart of 7 months. She is important but you cannot plan your life around a person at this moment. I mean, you can, but you don't really want to, do you?

    I have decades on you and I am still surprised by what life brings every day. I am learning when it comes to relationships not to take myself too seriously but also to take my boundaries seriously. Your gf is passionate about you, that is good, make sure she cares about what you really want, including you taking time to figure out what you really want.
     
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