Scared of coming out

Discussion in 'Coming Out' started by JustAri, Nov 30, 2014.

  1. JustAri

    JustAri New Member

    Nov 30, 2014
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    So, I'm 16 and I really want to come out as gay at my school. I've known I'm gay for awhile now and I'm comfortable with it, so I think it's the right time. I came out to my parents recently and one family friend and have gotten good reactions. The one problem I have with coming out at my school is not that I'm afraid people will hate me, I'm fairly certain that the people at my school are accepting, my problem is that I don't want people to treat me differently because I'm gay. I also play sports, are my teammates going to treat me differently?? Please help me! I just want to finally start being out, but if it's going to affect my life negatively, than I might just wait it out.
  2. crazy-one

    crazy-one Member

    Nov 27, 2014
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    Don't rush. Start with your best friends, tell them first. No matter how gay friendly your environment (school) is, there will always be people who will treat you differently at least because they are not informed well or they have no experience with LGBT people in their life if no other reason. I'm not talking about your friends here, your real friends should accept and treat you as before. I'm talking about other people who are not so close to you. Maybe some girls will not be so comfortable in your company anymore to talk about boyfriends etc. They will know you are not interested in boys but they won't know how to ask you about girls so they may feel not so comfortable. And that can be only because they are inexperienced not because they are malicious. And you always should be prepared there are also people with closed minds who will not look at you the way they were before. Personally I would wait until finish high school.
    Moses likes this.
  3. amy12

    amy12 Member

    Feb 24, 2014
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    JustAri, this is a tough one to give advice on because every situation is different. I think what crazy-one said is very true. Don't rush. There really isn't a need to declare your sexuality to the whole school all at once; unless you are super confident with extremely thick skin. Crazy-one was right, there will always be someone that is not "ok" with you being gay. My advice would be to come out one by one. It may sound arduous and lengthy, but maybe each time you come out to someone it will give you the strength you need to be out to everyone. High school is tough! I don't envy you, but I admire you for having the guts to start coming out at this point in your life. Perhaps you should do what I did when coming out: expect that everyone will disapprove. Prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for it. That way, when people respond positively it will be better than expected! You have to do what feels right to you...
    Nancy likes this.
  4. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

    Jul 2, 2013
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    If you're scared that people will treat you differently, then don't come out. We cannot control what other people think of us, and in life, coming out can be a daily process done over and over and over again. I just had to re-come out to a client when he suggested taking me and my "significant other" to dinner and asked me whether I had a "significant other." You have to accept that no matter how supportive and understanding your parents are, your friends are, that there will be the occasional person who will judge you, treat you differently, and yes, even hate you for no other reason than because of who you are.

    Coming out also doesn't have to be some massive declaration either. I come out every day just by the way I choose to live my life. Doesn't mean I'm a rainbow flag flying, in your face, make everything gay-centric kind of person. I just choose to live honestly. Maybe that's what you should honestly as who you are and things will fall into place. High school can be's so insular with its own set of pressures. If you're having any reservations,now is probably not the time. If you get to a point where you honestly don't care what other people think, then you might be ready.
    amy12 likes this.
  5. pikatan2

    pikatan2 Well-Known Member

    Oct 28, 2014
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    Okay I, Myself don't usually need to come out to people BUT when I do have to come out to people, before actually coming out, I would usually ask question regarding LBGT community and see how they reacted if its not a good reaction.. don't sweat it just let it go and if you don't want to deal with the whole staring and whispering thing.. now if they gives you a good reaction as it they think its okay or something like "your sexuality is your business not mine and I don't mind" then maybe if you're ready you can come out.

    and please be aware of who you're coming out too.. if you live in places that gay crime is on the high rate I suggest you to be careful with who you come out to so yeah... I'd say try talking about people about the LBGT subject first then maybe slowly plan your coming out based on how people react..take your time.. don't rush it..

    I hope everything went they way you want it everytime you have to come out to someone :)..

    good luck
    amy12 likes this.
  6. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

    Jul 2, 2013
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    16 and at school, hats of to you! Talk to your friends first, I don't think you need to come out to everyone all at once. Take it all one step at a time, best friends, close friends, not so close friends etc. This kind of news filters through, school is a gossipy place, so be ready for people that you've probably never even spoke to to approach you. Maybe they'll say nice things or maybe they'll be knobheads be ready for both and you won't be unsettled. Whatever you do, don't do anything that makes you uneasy at any point.

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