Same ol' story

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by DaisyDook, May 2, 2016.

  1. DaisyDook

    DaisyDook Member

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    Hi ladies. I am really struggling with this girl I have a huge crush on. Need some advice so any is welcome.

    So I am friends with a girl let's say, karen and met a hottie I will call Kim through her when they were dating a few years back. Anyway, times have changed and I bumped into Kim last week when she was on a night out getting over her latest girl. It was very brief but we then got talking online and it has since moved to text and have talked everyday talking about our lives and days etc.

    We have planned a night out in our local bar on Friday and I am unsure of whether it is a date or not? I have asked her if it will be just us and she said yes but she didn't mind if anyone else joined.

    I am so confused by her, she knows I am gay. And before last week we never spoke to eachother except to say hi when we saw each other. I am falling hard.

    What's also weird is that the texts sent are less and less from her end and more from me. I have sent a couple today and yesterday and I know she has read them but hasn't messaged back or is taking ages to.

    Any advise. Does this sound like a date? Will I finally get my dream girl? I really hope she doesn't cancel.

    Thanks for reading.
     
    #1
  2. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    "but she didn't mind if anyone else joined...."

    I don't know about you, but when I'm on a first date, I don't typically invite other people along with me....and I'd certainly mind if my "date" invited others to hang out. That might as well be a big flashing sign saying "THIS IS NOT A DATE." Nevermind that you're hanging out in a bar....real dates..romantic dates...are typically more intimate as to where you get one on one time. For example....dinner, coffee, maybe a movie...maybe if dinner is going so extremely well, THEN you go to a bar after....

    Now, part two of the equation....if she's dropping off the text messages, there's a reason. She could just be really busy or the more obvious answer is..she's figured out that you like her more than friends and doesn't have the guts to tell you that she's just not into you. So, she does what a lot of people do...pretend they are ostriches, stick their heads in the sand, and ignore you and hope like hell that you get the hint.

    She probably saw you as a friend...then she probably saw you get really uber needy and clingy and backed off. Think about it..you've "fallen" for a person you've not yet had the pleasure of dating.

    So...to recap. No, to sum up. This is probably not a date and nothing you've said makes me think she likes you more than a friend.
     
    #2
    Last edited: May 3, 2016
    TheScandinavian, Emm and Bluenote like this.
  3. DaisyDook

    DaisyDook Member

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    Update: we went out and had a great time. I told her I liked her loads and she said she isn't looking for anything right now and wanted to be friends.
    She has since told me that she wants to see me more and do things alone together to see if there is anything between us but doesn't have feelings for me atm.
    Im confused. I want to see her more of course but I feel like her safety net. Any advise?
     
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  4. Gyldenragg

    Gyldenragg Well-Known Member

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    I don't really see the big problem here to be honest. I understand it might be a bit confusing from your view, but it looks straightforward enough for me.

    She seems to enjoy your company at least as friends, and hasn't really been looking for any relationships lately with anyone. That being said, she has told you that she wants to see you more just the two of you to see if there's something there. I don't really see how that's being a safety net? That's just taking each other out on dates, if you want to call it that, to see if you guys are compatible/there's something worth pursuing there. That's kind of what they're intended for, isn't it?

    Either way, I think it's a great idea for you guys to go out and spend more time together and see if this might actually lead to something more. Just be wary that she's not at the same level as you when it comes to these feelings as for now, so do have patience with her and don't expect her to develop them as quickly necessarily (or at all, in worst case). Most importantly, just enjoy each other's company and have fun getting to know each other :)
     
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  5. DaisyDook

    DaisyDook Member

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    Thank you. I literally laid my heart out to her and she said we will only be friends and nothing more but a week later she said she is willing to see what happens then today said she likes my company, we talk for hours and she wants to know me more then apologies for not having feelings? It's quite soon since her last relationship but I just feel like we are going around in circles. I just hate not knowing I guess and need some encouragement so thank you for your reply :)
     
    #5
  6. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    She's leading you on...and like someone above said..she's playing you for her safety blanket. If she has to question the capacity in which she wants you in her life, she's probably not into you the way you would hope.

    Don't allow yourself to be someone's consolation prize. You deserve better than that.
     
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  7. DaisyDook

    DaisyDook Member

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    Thats what im really starting to think. She said shes willing to see what happens but not to get my hopes up.
     
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  8. DaisyDook

    DaisyDook Member

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    Or maybe not.
    I spoke to her today and she is now saying that she doesnt want to see where it goes as we will only ever be friends.. why are women so difficult at times!
     
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  9. Gyldenragg

    Gyldenragg Well-Known Member

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    Ouf. Sounds like she's a bit back and forth on this, either due to confusion/indecisiveness or whatever the hell it is. Either way, I think you should just let it go. Accept the friendship if that's something you'd like to keep in your life and focus your attention elsewhere. She's made it pretty clear and you deserve to be with someone/pursue things with someone who is equally as interested in being with you.
     
    #9
  10. DaisyDook

    DaisyDook Member

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    Im going to. We spoke on the phone just now and she says she wants to be single and have fun but still wants to get to know me more but then said she was thinking about us last night and doesnt think she will develop feelings for me then has made plans for just us to hang out and get to know eachother more in case there is something there.... we just keep going round in 360. I will meet her and will stay friends with her. Its all I can do I guess?
     
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  11. SensingOwls

    SensingOwls Member

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    Hi DaisyDook

    I was in your position in a situation like this not so long ago. In short, run. Run far away from this situationship. I know you have feelings for her which makes it hard. But for your own good, know that you deserve better, someone who actually reciprocates your feelings and is able to commit to you on some level.

    It sounds like this girl either wants to use you as a rebound, or a safety net for when she is feeling lonely and bored. It just sounds like she's stringing you along and on her terms. What about what you want?
     
    #11
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  12. DaisyDook

    DaisyDook Member

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    She has now told me that it won't go any further as there just isn't an attraction on her side... I have told her that's fine but until my feelings go I don't think we should be doing things together and she has agreed. Why string someone along? So annoying!
     
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  13. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    This behavior alone should tell you to stay away! Sounds to me like she doesn't like the idea of being single and wants someone there when she doesn't have any other options.
     
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  14. DaisyDook

    DaisyDook Member

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    Update.
    We didn't speak for a while and now one of her friends has got a job where I work and so she is always in the bar waiting around for him to finish work or just to keep him company. I've said we can be friends but nothing more. Her friend who I get along well with thinks she is out of order for the way she handled it and could be playing hard to get but i cant tell if he is joking or not. Why did she have to reappear.
     
    #14

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