Sad in Toronto, I can't find her!

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by AnafromTO, Sep 8, 2015.

  1. AnafromTO

    AnafromTO Member

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    Have you ever had a moment where you locked eyes with someone and wanted to say hi? I have.
    It was in a downtown Toronto bar (called Zelda's), with my GF at the time. We were sitting in the patio watching the Drag show. I turned around and saw this beautiful woman (also sitting with another woman, maybe her partner?). We both locked eyes and exchanged a few glances over the period of a few hours.
    The performer walked out to the crowd and came towards me where I was singled out for my muscles. While all the while, i know she was watching me.
    I made a trip to the bathroom hoping she would follow so we can chat, but she never came. I was with a group of friends, and even though I was with my GF, looking back, I wish I did more to get that chance to talk to her. Before I knew it, she was gone! just like that. It's been almost 7 years later, yes 7 years, and I'm still thinking about that day! I still wonder, what if? Where is she? How can I find her?
    What a geek right?!
     
    #1
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  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    So you had a gf and this lady was with a woman, but you wish you had made a move on her? You went to the bathroom, hoping she would come chat you up?

    And it has been 7 years and you are still thinking about her?

    You never even talked to this woman. You have no idea what kind of person she is, what she likes, if she is crazy, a druggie, happily married, has 11 kids, is even "still gay." And yet you are thinking about her?

    Move on. If you haven't found her in 7 years (!) you won't find her. And even if you did find her, there is no way that she can possibly live up to your fantasy of her.

    My suggestion? Quit thinking about 'what ifs' and put your focus on trying to build 'what is' right in front of you. And don't try to pick up women when you are out on dates with your gf.
     
    #2
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  3. AnafromTO

    AnafromTO Member

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    thanks Bluenote for the blunt response.
     
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  4. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    Two things:
    1) You just joined today. But you posted enough information - city, name of club, event, that you were singled out by the performer - that your post could read like a "missed connections" ad. It almost seems like you hope you can find her here on AE... and that you hope she is still thinking about you.

    2) It was a blunt (I prefer to say "straightforward") response. In fairness to me, I thought that being blunt was the best approach, seeing as you are still hung up on this lady after 7 years. You yourself acknowledge that it's out there to still be hung up on her. I made a calculation that subtle was unlikely to work.

     
    #4
  5. AnafromTO

    AnafromTO Member

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    Thanks bluenote, I must clarify I have not been "hung up" on this lady for 7 years!, my goodness no. And I really do appreciate your straightforwardness, bluntness, because I need a kick in the butt sometimes, lol. Yes, I was trying to pick someone up while on a date myself, how terrible is that, I recognize that. My post was, sure, a meek possibility/hope that this person could find this post.
    Your point #1 above, yes, you are correct.
    Seriously though, why am I still thinking about it, because I hate a missed opportunity, and I'm confident that those glances we exchanged had some sort of intention on both our part. Can you imagine if days/weeks after that day she also felt the same, a missed opportunity. So why not post this? It's a shot in the dark, but what do I have to lose? Other than looking stupid. Lol.
    But I really do appreciate your response, after I read it, I thought, wow what am I doing?
     
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  6. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    I have shared glances with lots of women. On second 'glance' (like actually talking to them) we were not a good match.

    And if she was trying to pick you up while on a date, then the two of you would be a sketchy pair.

    Maybe she thought that in the days after. But I think it would be odd if she is still thinking it now - 7 years later.

    The harm is not in the posting, but in the thought process that goes into the posting. It seems like you have gotten some kind of 'love at first sight' idea into your head. While this does happen in movies (Imagine you and me), it doesn't happen so much in real life. It would be too bad if your fantasy of this girl kept you from connecting with other girls. Girls that you could actually talk to and get to know and such.
     
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  7. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, me too. I also check out PLENTY of women... not because I'm looking, but because I like women! I try not to be sketchy about it, but I've looked at ladies, shared a glance, and gone back to my drink meaning nothing more than "hey, you look good, and if I were still looking I'd be looking at you!" These "glances" don't have to be any more significant than appreciation.

    It was over when she didn't follow you to the bathroom... or didn't try to pick you up... or didn't, one time, try to talk to you all night.
     
    #7
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  8. illgiveumorethantheusual

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    You're out with your girlfriend and trying to get another girl's attention. ..7 years ago..whom you never even spoke to. I hope your girlfriend is not still with you
     
    #8
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