running away from friendships/relationships...

Discussion in 'Advice (Dear AE...)' started by pinkfins, May 23, 2015.

  1. pinkfins

    pinkfins New Member

    Jan 8, 2015
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    i'm feeling lost about this part of myself, and i don't know how to overcome it.

    i've always found it comfortable being the rainy day friend. i like being there for people when they're going through problems and giving them advice and support. it feels so easy for me to invest in someone, building them up by telling them things like how important they are, and that they deserve happiness.

    but every time i do this, i immediately start feeling the urge to pull away. in general, i don't really have the desire to actively try to hang out/spend time with people. maybe it's because i'm a serious introvert, but regardless, it's not at all that i don't care about the people i love, i just... don't ever feel the need to be physically present with someone. it feels like it's enough to hear from them once in a while, and just keep them in my thoughts. so after i get close to someone (well, to be honest, i let them get close to me, but i don't open up) i end up hoping they'll move on to other friendships and become more distant with me, because i don't want the relationship to be "active," if that makes sense.

    it just feels like a horrible thing to think things like "i hope we won't be friends forever" even when i care about the person i think it about. i don't know if it's a fear of commitment, trust issues, or if i'm just a bad person. i have so much love for humanity and people in general, i don't understand why it's so difficult for me to do something as simple as maintain a friendship. i just wish i knew how to change.
  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    You are not a bad person. Just because you care about people doesn't mean you want to spend time with them. Perhaps you are very selective on the type of interactions you enjoy and you just haven't found that one person you can truly talk to. Some people enjoy connecting with various people at various levels and maybe that is just not you. We are not all from the same cookie-cutter and I can't expect we all like the same kinds of relationships and friendships. If on the other hand, part of you really needs to connect to those you have turned away, then maybe you have to figure out why you are of two minds on this.
    Narley likes this.
  3. Eloise

    Eloise Well-Known Member

    Jul 26, 2013
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    I used to want to be around my friends every day. As I get older, I'm pretty much like you described, except that I don't want my friends to go away as much as I just don't want to hang with them all the time. Maybe you could try contacting your friends every once in a while. That way you stay connected and still maintain your alone time. I text a friend that I rarely see to keep in touch. Other friends I get together with for lunch every couple of months. I still.get my relaxing evenings to myself and maintain my friendships.
    greylin likes this.
  4. eaura

    eaura Member

    Nov 30, 2014
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    Oh man, this I can relate to. Firstly, you're not a bad person. Everyone relates and interacts differently, completely irrelevant to what most would consider either an introvert/extrovert.. Some people are simply meant to be in your life for a short time, and often it won't stick, for whatever reason. All you can do is be as true to yourself as you can be, it might help to let those around you know where you're at, if the desire is there to maintain a friendship. Someday you'll find your 'people', or person, and it'll stick, there's no rule book. Don't be hard on yourself! You're different, not wrong.

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