Relationship problem

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Hilary, Sep 21, 2015.

  1. Hilary

    Hilary New Member

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    My girlfriend has 3 friends that are all men. All 3 want her to be more then friends. Which bothers me. Now the only reason she talks to these men is for the connection of a male figure because I'm a woman. I have a really hard time with it. I get super jealous because I can't provide what a man can. Help me. I don't know what to say or do.
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    I think you can be proud of the fact that she gets all this attention and yet she is with you. She wants you and not them. I do, however, want to clarify that her interactions with them needs to be respectful to your relationship. The respectful part is something that you and her can arrive at. In general I would not flirt with someone's girlfriend for example but certain circles of people would find that ok.

    Above all your feelings are important and you should be able to talk about them honestly to her so you can help each other build this couplehood. There will always be challenges and as long as you are respectful of each others feelings and boundaries you will do fine.
     
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  3. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    You need to really look inside yourself here and ask: why am I really bothered? Is it the attention from the gentlemen? Or is it your insecurity with anyone?

    You cannot control how anyone else will think/feel about your g/f. And to allow that to cause problems in your relationship is very one-sided on your part and unfair to your g/f. It seems to me that she's being honest enough to explain the involvement of these men in her life -- and she does not want them. She is with you.

    Jealousy, if it has no basis, can be wholly unflattering and cause you more problems than what it is worth. It's a turn off for people -- and i've been in those shoes. Unless and until she gives you a reason to worry -- then you must put your faith and trust in her because you can never control outside forces. Talk to her..make sure you have honesty...and stand by her until she gives you a reason not to do so.
     
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  4. Toni

    Toni Well-Known Member

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    Ask yourself: Do you really want to spend another week, month, year or a lifetime wasting energy over worrying and being jealous? Is it worth it? Does it bring you joy? Is it productive? Will it improve your life quality? Will it improve your relationship?

    We don't have any guarrentee in life. As long as you are with your partner, you should trust that she is with you because she wants to be with you. She, just like you have a choice to stay or leave. If you have something beautiful going on, don't let jealousy ruin it.

    Talk with your partner about all this. If this should infact be a case of boundries being overstepped without her noticing it herself, hopefully it then will get better when she becomes aware of it.
     
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  5. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    I am honestly not sure that I understand what the problem is. What I mean by that is - the opost was kind of brief, so I am not 100% sure that I understand things correctly.

    My understanding is that:
    1) The op's gf likes having male friends
    2) 3 of her close male friends are attracted to her
    3) she doesn't want to end these friendships just because they are attracted to her

    I don't think that any of these three things is inherently a problem. I think it is normal to want to have both male and female friends. I think that people can have friends that are attracted to them. I think if people ended friendships with everyone who is / was or kind of is attracted to them, then they would have very few friends.

    Now, if there is more to the story and the op has good reason to believe that:
    1) the gf potentially sees these guys as more than just friends
    2) the guys aren't just attracted to her, they are very persistent about it
    3) she seems to really enjoy the attention or leads them on

    Then that would be a problem.

    This is a tough call, as the op hasn't given much information. Which leaves me torn between platitudes "jealousy is ugly" or "trust your gut." Neither is really helpful without specifics.

    In the face of no proof, you have to trust your gf and trust that everything is ok. Jealousy will just drive her away. And drive you crazy.

    But if you have some kind of proof - then you have to trust your gut. It might not be as simple as her cheating, or wanting to cheat. Some women (and men) like attention and feeling powerful. They might enjoy leading others on, or being surrounded by people who are smitten with them. This is not a bad thing, but it can lead people to do selfish things - lead others on, use them, play people off against each other. So if you have proof that your gf is cheating, or proof that she gets off on winding these guys up - then you have to "trust your gut."
     
    #5
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