relationship advise

Discussion in 'Advice (Dear AE...)' started by MJShawty, Oct 1, 2019.

  1. MJShawty

    MJShawty New Member

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    First of all I would like to apologize about my English it is not my native language.
    So I am in a almost 3 y long relationship with my girlfriend (22.10 official 3y)
    The problem is that neither of us is out because of the environment we are living in (read country - it is a small country in Europe) She started it all I didn´t even knew that I liked her until she made the first move. First year was amazing, the second too, the last couple of months it is just like best friends that sometimes kiss and buy each other stuff. I am always the one that is starting to be intimate I guess you know what I mean, she says she is not used to make the first move, but there was a time where I would start something and she would reject me so I kind of got used to that and stopped trying and kind of stopped wanting anything to happen. We get together every day, hanging out, watching movies, having dinner, drinking or whatever, but nothing more. I am somethings mad at my self that I stopped trying but in the same time I am thinking it takes two for everything, I tried to talk with her about it, she gets mad and always finds a way to blame me. Long story short.. it is complicated I know that,regarding the fact that neither of us is out, I guess she is not seeing a future for us, so we are stalling. What could I do to make it right again? I mean what could I do to "wake up our relationship? I know she loves me and I love her, it is just I don´t know what should I do to make it good again. Today I bought her flowers ( she loveees flowers) something I didn´t do in a long time, I bought them and I surprised her and she was happy, but again as always I was at her place and we were watching movies like every day the last couple of months... sorry it seems I don´t know what I want :) I just need a little advise about this, how can I bring back the passion in our relationship? Do not get me wrong it is not just about making love, it is about the kisses and hugs and everything else.. thank you.
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Hi, well intimacy comes in different forms. Perhaps the first and foremost for you is your identity together. People like telling people they are with someone. You can’t do that I guess because you mentioned about not being out a couple of times. Being together with someone long term already has its challenges without a chance to talk about, celebrate or even casually say, “my girlfriend”.

    Maybe sometimes you need some levity in your lives and meetup with any gay community you can find. Flirt and dance with each other with ppl around.

    The other type of intimacy is being able to talk about things. She gets angry when you bring it up, that is not okay. Tell her how you guys can approach it in a way that she can feel safe.

    I am sorry this is happening and I hope you guys can find your groove again.
     
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  3. Writer23

    Writer23 Active Member

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    Talk to her and express yourself as you did it here. It seems as if the honeymoon phase has come to an end and you are now in a real mundane adult relationship . That is a good thing because your relationship has matured. The most important thing you can have in a relationship is friendship and it seems as if you have that. Again, talk to her , cherish what you have, and, by all means, do not take it for granted. Real love is about the simplicity in life: venting about your day while eating stale chips and cooking, waking up to someone who loves you and you love, laughing at some silly show, etc. With respect to the intimacy, …again, talk to her and , with utter kindness, tell her how you feel.
     
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