Relationship advice

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by u-45660000, Feb 9, 2015.

  1. u-45660000

    u-45660000 Member

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    It's been a long time since I have been on AE forum- (trying to get my profile name back, but it was OhioGurl82) but anyway, I have since been in a relationship for almost 5 years, got married last summer. We are going through a really bad time right now. Fighting a lot, started couples counseling. There is a lot I could share, but a recent event really has me taken aback.

    My wife and I went out to a local Tilted Kilt pub because one her coworkers works there over the weekends. We ate dinner, I had two beers with my meal. A coworker of mine (recently divorced from her husband) text me and asked if we wanted to stop by. We did, and while we hung out my coworker and I drank ALOT of wine. After sharing 4 bottles, she started hitting on my wife, saying she wanted to go "bed with her" and "wanted" her. She was asking about lesbian sex and "how you guys do it". Well, one thing led to another and they ended up having sex with me in the bed with them. The part that makes me wonder is that I wasn't upset it happened. I was OK with it. But part of me wonders why I am ok with it.

    Thoughts?
     
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  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    You haven't given enough information to tell.

    Maybe you aren't the monogamous type and are ok with open relationships.

    Maybe you are one of those who enjoys watching your partner with someone else.

    Maybe you were just really, really blitzed.

    Maybe you just have really fallen "out of love" with your wife.

    But if you really do want to save your marriage, you need to sort things out. Adding another person in the mix puts a lot of stress on a relationship. Also "open" relationships need to be stable. Otherwise, boundaries are too much of a mess. You might be ok with your wife having a one nighter with this lady, but not with her becoming your wife's gf / the third wheel in your marriage.

    Book a counseling session asap. And no blitzed sex for anyone, until this gets sorted.

    (ps all girl threesomes are hot and fun.)
     
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  3. u-45660000

    u-45660000 Member

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    Well we had

    My wife and I agreed to being exclusive. I had discussed having a threesome to spice up our sex life, but she has always been against it.
     
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  4. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    This doesn't sound like a threesome..it sounds like a crime of opportunity -- coworker fancies your wife, you're adequately blitzed, wife gets hit on, and you're feeling comfortably numb to let it all happen. Maybe you've already committed yourself to the notion of the relationship being over -- to be that ok with what happened. Or, maybe you're ok with watching your wife/partner in bed with someone else. What would bother me more is that this woman apparently has no boundaries (and no I'm not a prude by any stretch of the imagination)....it...almost...seems...orchestrated. Planned, almost. And rather than being a willing participant to whatever inclinations I might have, third person or not, the sense that I was being played would be the thing which would bother me above anything else.
     
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  5. Johille Anderson

    Johille Anderson Well-Known Member

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    Like @Spygirl said, it's either that, or you're just guilty of association (willingly or not).
     
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  6. u-45660000

    u-45660000 Member

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    What's weird is that this coworker completely FREAKED out when we all sobered up (well her and I) and was like all "I am not gay or anything...," but talked to us (when she was drunk) about lesbian fantasies she has had in the past. Even when I mentioned being bi or bi-curious, she keeps mentioning loving "the dick"

    This is hard because I am a good friend to this coworker.

    My wife and I have fought about how much time she spends on her phone with her "friends" from work, who she texts all night and even in the morning. One time I saw on her phone a text pop up from one of these ladies "good night sweetie"
     
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  7. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    I call my friends Hun and Sweetie. I also say this to all cats and dogs. But I have special names that I only use with my wife, my bff, or my sister. Sweetie doesn't have the same level of affection to everyone.
     
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