Receiving mixed signals from a girl in the of...

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by orangeandie920, Jul 14, 2014.

  1. orangeandie920

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    Guys, i badly need your help. I have this colleague who has been sending me mixed signals for more than a month now. I do not know if she is interested in me or she is just being too friendly. There are days where she tells me we should hang out together and do stuff together like watch a movie, eat at restaurants, etc.. Sometimes we would talk over the phone for hours.. But there are also times where she just ignores me and does not even reply to my messages.

    She would tell me that it's her nature to hibernate once in a while and isolate herself from people and that would explain why she is seemed unreachable sometimes. Also, this girl is very career-oriented and a junior officer in the company. She could be my boss but she's assigned in a different division in the office. Whenever she is at work, she usually gives 100% percent of her attention to her work and does not let anything distract her.

    This girl is already 28 years old and we are of the same age, but she has never been in a relationship with anyone. She knows I am gay, I have a crush on her and that i like her very much. She just told me that I am one of her favorite persons in the office and that she also likes me. My problem is I do not know if she likes me in the same way i feel for her since she is not very expressive. I do not know what to do. I do not know whether i should continue to pursue her or just move on and accept that she just might not be interested. :(
     
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  2. carabella

    carabella Well-Known Member

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    Re: Receiving mixed signals from a girl in th...

    You could have written this about me :oops: Except the girl I like doesn't reply to my messages!!

    First off, you shouldn't discount her for never having been in a relationship. Maybe she just doesn't want to talk about one. As far as my crush knows, I've only been in one serious relationship, which certainly is not the case, but I find the one prior to the most recent one very painful/ anger inducing to talk about, so I simply don't.

    You say she's work focused, in this economy we kinda have to be. Jobs aren't ten a penny, and if she likes the work and she's a junior, she'll be working her balls off to learn as much as she can and try and find a way of progression within the sector.

    Finally, don't give up hope. Try and get a 'feeling' of her - is she flirty? Does she compliment you? Does she blow hot/cold and then apologise profusely? Does she act differently around you, than around others? Does she suggest things outside of work?

    Don't go in all guns blazing, but ask her out, maybe bring some friends along to gauge her reaction to being outside of work with you. Good Luck!!
     
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  3. Cricket

    Cricket Well-Known Member

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    Re: Receiving mixed signals from a girl in th...

    I feel like I can relate to this woman on so many different levels. I am very career focused, especially right now. When I am at work I am usually 100% focused on what I am doing and what needs to get done. I am also in a position of power which forces me to separate myself from the staff on some levels. Every once in a while I will let my wall come down and I will socialize with the staff outside of work but the wall usually goes up very quickly again, I will stop responding to texts and will deny invitations to go out, and I can see how someone might think that I am giving mixed signals even on just the basis of being someone's friend.

    I would say that regardless of whatever feelings this woman may or may not have for you, she is probably struggling to show them or just doesn't want to. I myself have had feelings for women at work but have been so job focused that they probably don't even realize that I am. That doesn't discount the fact that when I have a crush, she is running through my mind the entire day.
     
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  4. carabella

    carabella Well-Known Member

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    Re: Receiving mixed signals from a girl in th...

    Cricket - we could be sisters lol, have you ever had a full on office crush? Do you ignore it or have you ever done naything about it?
     
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  5. Cricket

    Cricket Well-Known Member

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    Re: Receiving mixed signals from a girl in th...

    The last work relationship I had lasted for 2 years. I have since gotten a promotion and am in a position where that can no longer happen without compromising my job. So, yes, I have since developed crushes on women at work, but can and will do nothing about it. I take my job really seriously...
     
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  6. carabella

    carabella Well-Known Member

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    Re: Receiving mixed signals from a girl in th...

    Fair dinkum and all, but I'd (personally) much rather have someone nice to go home to at night and be a paper pusher, than someone who has a great salary and no-one to spend it on. Orange, balls to the wall girl, go for it!
     
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  7. Cricket

    Cricket Well-Known Member

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    Re: Receiving mixed signals from a girl in th...

    I have become much less impulsive and much more jaded over the past few years. I have learned to realize that 1. I am more attractive to some staff members because I am in a position of power - not exactly a foundation for a healthy relationship. 2. Most relationships are not going to last forever, but my career is something that will help develop myself financially and stability is extremely important to me. 3. If I really felt like I would be compromising finding the love of my life, then I would make a change of job location so that I could be with hypothetical love of my life. 4. I no longer believe that there is only ONE person in the world that will make me happy - which negates my last point that my focus on maintaining a professional relationship with my staff is going to somehow compromise my path to happiness.
     
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  8. orangeandie920

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    Re: Receiving mixed signals from a girl in th...

    Thank you for all these comments. I really appreciate them. :D
    Cricket, what you said somehow gave me an insight on what's going on her head. I think i understand fully now what her reservations are and why i can sense that she's hesitating.

    Actually, I've mentioned this to some of my close friends and most of them advised me not to pursue her because we're working for the same company and as the saying goes.. "Don't shit in your own backyard." In the event that what we have would blossom into a relationship and would not eventually work out, it would really be hard for the two of us, especially that we're gonna bump into each other everyday at the office. There's also a possibilty that our job would be jeopardized.

    This just saddens me because I really like this person. Im really drawn to her and i cannot explain why. If only we've met in a different circumstance, I would never hesitate to go all out on her and make her feel how much she means to me.

    Right now, im trying my best not to be so attached and find ways to avoid her coz if i won't do that, Im afraid I would fall deeply in love with her. Im still struggling though coz she's always on my mind and it's so hard not to think about her.
     
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  9. carabella

    carabella Well-Known Member

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    Re: Receiving mixed signals from a girl in th...

    Why are people so hesistant about work relationships?! Honey, if it doesn't work - be professional. If it does - be professional. Life's too short!!!
     
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    Plane Jane likes this.
  10. orangeandie920

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    Re: Receiving mixed signals from a girl in th...

    Hi Carabella.. :) I do wish it were that easy. However, the culture in our office is very different. I live in a country where open same sex relationships are still not acceptable. People tend to judge and gossip. In my case, only my friends and family know that i'm gay. And i think she would not also take the risks, considering that she havent had any relationship with a woman before. :) I'm always willing to take the risks when it comes to love coz I'm a hopeless romantic and I don't actually care if people in the office would judge me coz i know i have the support of my family and friends, and that's what matters the most. ;) However, I can't expect that from her coz she has a lot to lose.
     
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  11. Cricket

    Cricket Well-Known Member

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    Re: Receiving mixed signals from a girl in th...

    Carabella, in some workplaces it is against regulations to be in a relationship with someone you work with. In my case, I am in a position of authority and if I were to enter into a non platonic relationship with a staff member, I would have to either tell my superior and be transferred to a different location or lose my job entirely because there are probably no openings elsewhere, or keep it a secret and then definitely lose my job. It isn't about being professional; it's about keeping our jobs.
     
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  12. carabella

    carabella Well-Known Member

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    Re: Receiving mixed signals from a girl in th...

    You should work in law, we're all about relationships, hell half of my office are married to one another, kids and parents, we even have two brothers! That's the one upside to a career that gets me home at this time of night with work still to do!!!
     
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  13. Cricket

    Cricket Well-Known Member

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    Re: Receiving mixed signals from a girl in th...

    There are many relationships that build and flourish within my company. I spent two years with a girl I met at my old location before my promotion. Staff members can date whoever they want, as long as it doesn't create any friction in the work place. I am their boss. That is where the lines is drawn.
     
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