Previous heterosexual relationships and children

Discussion in 'Advice on Meeting Women' started by NotMyName, Feb 11, 2019.

  1. NotMyName

    NotMyName New Member

    Feb 11, 2019
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    I live in a fairly rural area so have no idea...

    How common is it for lesbians to have come from long term heterosexual relationships, believing they were straight?

    How common is it it come out past the age of 30?

    How common is it for lesbians to have children from previous heterosexual relationships?

    Presumably this scenario will be off putting for some women from a dating perspective, but will that be to some? Too most? Or what? Any ideas? In general, will I be accepted?

    I’m making a lot of changes to my life and I sometimes wonder if it’s actually worth it. Or, whether I need to manage my expectations with regards to what my future will look like.

    Thanks. :)
  2. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

    Jul 18, 2013
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    Especially in more conservative/rural areas... more common than you'd think. Lots of people experience what I'll call culturally coercive heterosexuality - situations in which it is easier to believe that you are straight, say yes to straight relationships, affirm that belonging with markers of straightness like cohabitation, marriage, or kids. I think I read somewhere than in the US Southeast, queer youth are more likely that straight youth to get married young to opposite-sex partners and have young/unplanned pregnancies. Even today, when the narrative is that people are coming out earlier and earlier and that life "in the closet," conscious or not, is less prevalent than it used to be.

    Even in my urban, progressive community, where I came out in high school and in my 30s am married to my wife, lots and lots of folks I know didn't come out until after college or long-term straight relationships - which started in high school or college - ended. So not particularly rare, even in this context.

    I think previous straight relationships, coming out later, and kids might turn off some women, but not most. I think a partner who values you - and who you want to be in a relationship with - will see and respect your experience with compassion. Flip your script - women who are disinterested for that reason are not interesting to YOU, and are at least telling you that they are not a good fit up front.
  3. Jessi B

    Jessi B Well-Known Member

    Mar 16, 2019
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    I am one of those ladies that came from a straight relationship and also had kids with 1 of the males I been with! Just with me I was never happy with any relationship I had with a guy! Just something was missing! But being I was young I did not know what it was! Just assume it was the wrong guy! At the time I thought I was suppose to be with men being for one my parents wanted grand kids so in my eyes at the time I had to find the right guy to be with for that to happen! But never happy with any relationship I was in! My first lesbian experience came in high school and I knew than I liked girls more than guys! But only did the guy thing because of pressure from the parents for wanting grand kids!
    Ashlee Prieb likes this.
  4. Ashlee Prieb

    Ashlee Prieb Active Member

    Mar 16, 2019
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    As far me and my relationships, they always been with women, I never been with men, I grew up in a blended faith having a catholic and jewish parents. I was raised in the Jewish faith. I came from a family of 3 older brothers and I am the baby of the family. Growing up I knew I had feeling towards girls from a young age, I knew there was just something different from my friends at a young age, while they talked about being married and having children, I wanted to get married too, but not to a man....My father wanted to walk his baby girl down the aisle someday as he put

    My first real lesbian experience was in the 8th grade at the age of 13. For a time I hid my feelings towards girls til I came out to my parents at 17 in 1996, right around prom, when I announced im taking a girl as my date to the prom, who my girlfriend for a couple years!! As having kids, my parents wanted grandchildren too, thankfully my older brothers took care of that!, I adopted 2 children over 8yrs ago and my family accepts as one of their own grandchildren! For that im trult blessed having having love and support from my family
    Jessi B likes this.

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