I'm not a native speaker and it's gonna be long, so please bear with me. ***you can skip the background and go straight to the last paragraph*** Before my ex met me, she was living with her then bf of 6 years and she was only 23, stuck in an abusive (physically and emotionally) relationship, with lots of alcohol, weed, lsd... She didn't even eat probably. Even though she was gay all her life, she decided to take him as a cover while they were having fun, and that's how they started. But after we broke up, she said 'I think I was with him because of the free drugs. It's the first time I can admit it.' She was really crazy about me. And after 2 months of meeting each other, we kissed. I told her I am only ok with ppl taking drugs like lsd and weed occasionally, but I would never date or befriend with anyone who does cocaine, it's like cheating, for me. She said she was doing that much only because living with the bf, and she didn't like coke, took it a few times, but unlikely to take again. So we started seeing and... you know... 2 months later she broke up with him and moved in with me for a month while she was waiting for her own place. Everything was so good, no drug at all. Not even beer. She was eating again after many years. But now I realised it was because she didn't have friends, she used to do drugs with the ex, and the ex wouldn't allow her to have friends... I was happy, she asked me to be her gf 5 months ago, I said yes. We were happy. Too happy to aviod mistakes that I spent too much time at her place like we were living tgt. She went home for holiday on Christmas and stayed there for a month and a half. I was happy for her, that she could finally enjoy her freedom (her ex bf is from the same city, so she spent every holiday with him), she spent lots pf time meeting old friends, doing whatever she wanted to do. She was happy, but she decided to come back earlier for me, even though it would make her sad. She was crying all the time in her city without me. I moved in to her place when she was away because of the air-con, and before she arrived, I moved back half of my things that I didn't really need, but didn't have time to move all. She arrived, told me not to move anything and just stay there. No one ever used the word like moving in, but we were living tgt. The new honeymoon was good, but didn't last long, especially after she got her first job (part time). She said sometimes she thougĥt I didn't love her, because I didn't give her enough caresses and hugs, I said ppl have different ways to show love (she told me sth simliar before, she was scared I decided to be with her only because she changed her life to be with me). We were fighting an awful lot, and got worse every time. Whatever I did, annoyed her, and doesn't matter whoes fault was it, she'd cry and I'd hug her and say sorry... I was tired, so I just stopped, which made her to apologise to stop the fight and resent me even more... And as stupid as I was, I thought it was normal ups and downs. Two weeks ago, she started school, we decided I'd sleep in my place when she had class that next day, and it's only 2 days a week. But at the day we were supposed to spend the night, she went out with a hardcore drug addict friend, aka bff which she spent lots of time with this holiday, to a electronic party, I was totally cool with it, thinking she should've had some fun. Next day I asked how was the party and what she took, thinking it was lsd, she answered, cocaine. She had many reason, that lsd would make her being an addict again and the next time she take coke could be in a year and so on. I left. The next day I went back to her place, wanted to get my stuff back, and when we talk, it was obvious we both had the idea of breaking up, but when she saw that I had brought her stuff from my place, she yelled 'Are you leaving me!?' I was, but I wasn't sure, so just gave her some reason I dont even remember now. Later we talked calmly, she admitted she didn't love me that much anymore, like from 'you made me realised I can love', 'you're the sun of my life' to 'I don't know' and 'I think I want to be alone', she wanted to be alone because she wanted freedom--cocaine, the only thing I'm not ok with, but she also didn't want to hurt me by taking it...I knew it was just because she didn't love me, but I was scared, coz everything happened so fast. I wasn't ready, and didn't want to be 'dumped'. So I said it was probably my fault that had never given her the attention she needed, I was very sad, and she took her words back. No one mentioned the drug, I just thought if I could show her the love she wanted, she would stop doing cocaine. I know. Later I told her I wanted to move to a small town nearby, that she could have her time alone, and I could do what I really want to do. We can still spend weekends tgt, but she didn't like it, so we just left it there, we'd see until the day I leave. We spent a week and a half more, without fight, even when she yelled at me, I'd just suck it up. But I felt like I was in an abusive relationship, only she didn't beat me. This Tues she said she'd go to an electronic party again with bff. So we decided to break up, without hard feelings. She could do whatever she wanted to, and I wouldn't get hurt from it. Besides, things weren't the same anymore, after she said she didn't love me that much. However, I still spent the night with her, hugging, cuddling, kissing... I know. Everything was fine, I was actually happier, knowing it was the right thing to do. Until I found out she was taking a ton of coke right after we broke up. It was so different from the thing she said to me, she claimed she wouldn't do it regular again. And it's been only twice, as far as I know, how could she get scared by this when she used to take drugs everyday... So now I think she started it this holiday, and maybe even here at work, the dudes at the kitchen would take coke when they're working... And that kinda, not totally, explains her sudden change of moods, she never yelled at me before. There are many more signs, but the thing is I think she's seeking help, she knows she's fxxked now and she's got scared... But what can I do?? The first girl I dated here was a mega coke drug addict, I literally saw how she ruined her life... I don't wanna see it again, I wanna do sth before it's too late like the other one... But I can't tell her what I saw or where I saw it... She will have no one to talk to again, not even to an app... I still care for her so deeply that my hands shake every time I think of her and coke... Please, I really need some light. Btw, if you are read this line, I thank you for your time!!