phases

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by anonymous106, Aug 14, 2013.

  1. anonymous106

    anonymous106 New Member

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    Hey,
    I just need to talk about this and I'd love to hear someone's experience or advice. I've been trying to find out my sexual orientation for 2 years now (I'm 19). Starting with "I might like girls" on to " maybe I like girls more than guys" bla bla until I figured out that I might probably be gay. And I was really fine with it because it felt right and I wasnt trying to "lower my standarts" on boys anymore because I never really liked them enough to date them. There is also a girl that I kissed several times and it felt much better and much more alive than with guys, it was really no compare. But it happens every now and then that suddenly my feelings for women become less and less until I doubt that I like them. About two weeks ago I met a guy with whom I get along really well and we talked for hours, but there is not really physical attraction, at least none that I could compare to the attraction I have felt towards girls (I think he's handsome, though). But after that evening it began again that I doubt my orientation and I feel really empty. I dont know what I want anymore. I feel powerless and less alive than when I'm sure that I like girls. I'm really afraid of these phases because it feels wrong and I dont want to be straight because I want to feel this liveliness. But at the moment I feel completely empty and I couldnt imagine being with a woman. I can probably rather imgaine being with a man, but I dont know if I really want this either.
    Has anyone experienced this strange kind of phase? Does it ever stop or can it still happen in 3 years?
    Apart from that, its been ages since I had a relationship and I feel quite lonely, but I don't know what to look for.
     
    #1
  2. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

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    my $0.02

    Some people experience sexual orientation fluidity and "phases." I don't. I guess they're a thing; if you're sure that's what's happening, you should talk to somebody else about it.

    But it doesn't sound to me like you are experiencing a hetero phase, as opposed to the past two years of a homo phase... it seems like you are experiencing an "I'm less attracted to people sexually right now" phase, or a "hmm, got a friend-crush and confused about it" phase. I DO know about both of those, and I don't think you should worry. It's not that you want to make out with dudes instead of ladies, it's that you don't really want to make out with anyone right now, and into that sexually neutral field stepped a guy who is pretty nice. Because your juices aren't flowing hot and heavy right now, what you feel for him is about as much as you feel for everyone lady-identified, and BOOM, we have a sexual orientation crisis on our hands. Maybe something has changed, or your brain just is approaching maturity and there are some hormonal changes, or your stressed. It's okay, and it's normal, and sometimes it's awesome to build up relationships that aren't romantic or sexual and just focus on having friends.

    There are lots of people that I have friend crushes on. I thought, for a long time, that I was attracted to some of them... and then I was actually attracted to someone again, and holy shit, were my friend crushes not the real deal. When you fall in love - with a man or with a woman - whatever your orientation, you are going to feel amazing. You are going to feel alive inside, and excited and bubbly and sure. You're not going to worry about blankness or emptiness, because you'll be full of love instead.

    Maybe I'm wrong, but I think you should trust yourself, take opportunities if they feel right, and don't overthink it.
     
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