Open relationship..

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Raisin, Feb 10, 2017.

  1. Raisin

    Raisin New Member

    May 29, 2016
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    I'm in a happy and loving relationship with a great girl for over 5 years now. I love her more than I can imagine loving anyone else, and I'm sure she feels the same. We're engaged, we live together and our lives are very entwined with each others. She can be quite needy of my time which I don't mind for the most part, but miss socialising with my friends as much as I use to.

    ultimately I crave 'exploring' other people and I guess I want to move on from a monogamous relationship, but I don't want to lose her or it have a negative impact on our relationship. For the record, I don't want it to be one sided - I want her to 'explore' too. Also for the record, it's more than just sexual urges, but I'm not looking for a replacement girlfriend.

    We have very vaguely spoken about this a few months ago, and she said in a sort of passing comment that she would consider sleeping with other people, however I wasn't sure if she was serious or not and it wasn't really the right time to have a proper conversation about it.

    We're going on holiday next week so will have time to talk about it after a few beers.. should I risk bringing it up? How do I even bring up something like this? I really don't want to lose her but I've always had urges to spend more time with people I meet and I guess now that I've confronted these feelings myself I worry I won't be able to bury them down to where I dug them out from.. if that makes sense!

    Would be great to hear from someone who has been on the receiving end of my situation, however all comments & advice welcome.
  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    I have read enough posts here from gay women who are married to men to know that it is not good to stifle your orientation. From the way you sounded, your relationship orientation could be more Poly than swing and there are different kinds of Poly. If I were you I would do some research and soul searching post haste and talk to your fiance about it. You may lose her and during the talk she may fear losing you just the same and agree to things she doesn't really want to agree to. It would be rough to find that you are incompatible after all but it is better to do it now than be unhappily married. There is a chance that what she said in passing was genuinely how she felt and woohoo, you are a match! There are poly people who have paired with monogamous people and have worked things out but from the forums I have read on those it is hard and it is a lot of work. It is hard and a lot of work even when you and your partner are all yippie and can't wait to start exploring things with others. If love is a battlefield, then in an open relationship there are heck loads of minefields in that battlefield.

    She will have many fears if her orientation is monogamous. She will wonder why she is not enough for you. She will wonder if anything you do with her is special. And please don't break it to her after plying her with beer and a good meal, it will make her throw it all up mentally because it will feel fake. So, figure out what you want (and how you want it) and break it to her with all the consideration of her feelings in the world you can muster.

    Here are some reads: does polyamory look like
    rainydaze likes this.
  3. marti_rnr

    marti_rnr Member

    Jan 31, 2015
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    I'm in a sort of same situation, but there's is a difference: I believe in "polyamory", and she absolutely NOT.
    We're engaged and live together (9 years).
    But I feel trapped now and I don't wont to hurt her.

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