one of those stupid things i do...

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Pi3, Jun 26, 2014.

  1. Pi3

    Pi3 Well-Known Member

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    right now, i am doubting either i do the right thing. i call her Z, and we are roommate (maybe). for a year and a half, we were in friend with benefit kind of relationship and she made it clear that she didn't want anything beyond that. I thought i was ok with it, but recently i realised it did affect me. probably i thought she would change her mind or i would find someone else, but i was wrong.

    I dreamt of a friend (N) who became close friend with, and apparently i had a feeling she was interested in Z. in that dream, i felt extreme guilty that i fell in love with N and i was trying to hide the feeling. for that week, i did something stupid by ask N out and wanted to clarify on this feeling. Then something happened and i didn't have a chance to do it. I went to aussie for a week, and after that i became depress (family stuff). i knew i changed, because i started to push people away.

    I told her, i need to stop feeling and i don't want to hurt her. I did it in the past, and i told her i would never be happy because of my borderline thing. I hurt too many people and how their lives would be better if i wasn't exist at all. for weeks i was cold and distant, and i knew i pushed her into N's hands. also i knew from the beginning, Z interested in N too. Z said she wants someone who shares her culture and will understand her choices. from the start, we were from different planets. I am a deep thinker, and have great love for philosophy. she is simple and realist.

    with the help of a friend, i started to see things clearer now. still i was scared of being close to them, and i pushed them away. i wished them to be happy, but i felt jealous. lolz the big green eyes monster. when i started to talk to them again. on one day Z was at home, N came over and she stayed the night. it pushed me and i got all moody again. i knew i was bitter, but i couldn't help myself. i tried to be all nice but they felt it. whenever i saw them, there was this bitterness that i couldn't look them in the eyes. i felt sad that i lost a friend and someone i closed with.

    i pushed her again and again. i tried to make her move out on her own, but she wouldn't. she would go back home during study breaks, and then randomly came over.

    today i asked her why does she want to stay here, but she said she doesn't know. i ask her to move out, but she doesn't want to. deep down i know she doesn't like her step dad, so she doesn't want to go home. she can't stay with N, because N lives with her siblings. she wants my help with her course, because she knows i help her even i talk shits a lot or maybe i think too much of myself. i don't know, but i don't want to hurt her, nor i want to see this bitterness inside me. i know i don't want to lose her and i keep seeing her like some lost child. i made her crying today, but what should i do even i keep telling myself i should be happy she finds someone she loves.
     
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  2. 2th

    2th Member

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    Well, that's a very confusing situation and you seem to be the one who got hurt most. (given she has moved on even before she stopped things with you.)

    It seems like there is a simple solution. She seem to have moved on, and you seem to have moved on. It can be hard to get over someone when you see them regularly. So the easiest solution is to tell her to move out. I understand this will cause some problems for her as you said she doesnt like living with her step dad.

    But your life is your priority. Tell her how you feel and tell her to move out which will make life easier for both of you and it will definetely help you get over her and be happy again. I once had a HUGE crush on someone and she didn't feel the sameway. It was extremely hard for me to even think about someone else because she was all over in my head, and I used to see her everyday. I had to push myself and make myself distant from her as much as possible just so I can think of something else. But once I stop seeing her, things went back to normal very quickly. (may be too quickly).

    This is going to be very hard for both of you (I cried to sleep for weeks when I decided to do so) but it is necessary. Otherwise things will turn to more and more complicated over time.

    Also, it also sound like she is using you to help with her studies. (I really hope she pays rent) Have a closer look at it and make sure she is no longer stringing you along.

    Sometimes you need to make the hard decision.

    I wish you good luck.
     
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  3. MizzLadyPants

    MizzLadyPants Well-Known Member

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    Well the one thing that is certain... you need your space back. Especially in a situation like this. It does sound like she doesn't want to move out because it is easier for her to stay with you. But you shouldn't have to deal with that. Tell her as much as you care about her; being roommates is no longer a possibility. And either leave or give her an official 30 days notice.

    It doesn't sound like you can even be friends with her now, so maybe you should look at her as more of a troublesome roommate?

    Either way good luck. I hope you find your piece hun.
     
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  4. Pi3

    Pi3 Well-Known Member

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    this morning, I woke up to this enormous guilt and remembered what I did. I told Z, she could stay as long as she wants. i know this is stupid, and i do it again. this push and pull game, i abhor myself for it. anyway it was my fault to fall for her, and later on i got attached.

    @2th... thanks for your advice and i appreciate it. i know what you mean about asking her out, but i can't do it. there is this quote i hope to explains my reasoning, "It is preferable to have harm done to you rather than to do wrong".

    yes, she puts a bit of financial and time strains on me. i know it for awhile now, but i turn a blind eye on it. i think it has something to do with pride. about help with her study, i am happy to obey. i want to be good at what i do, so by explain those concepts will push me further and i really enjoy it.

    @MizzladyPants... thank you too and I really appreciate it. i can't put the heart to do it.
     
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