On the road to break up but gf still wants se...

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Techie23, Mar 10, 2014.

  1. Techie23

    Techie23 Well-Known Member

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    My gf of 2 years and I are most likely heading toward a break up. We each have our issues that we can't seem to get past, for me it's her family and for her, it's my work, two things that aren't going to be changing. Looking objectively at us, we both realize that we have nothing in common and things have been very strained. We are going to attempt to see a therapist to see if we can move past/deal with our issues. We still love each other, but things have changed. My concern is that she still really wants sex with me and I just have no interest in it when things are up in limbo with us. I have comfort/security issues with sex anyway and it's hard for me to just loose myself in the moment with her when we are fighting/arguing so much. I know she is very upset with me that I don't want sex, I've received the "it's not natural for people in relationships to not have sex as sparsely as we do," and I feel awful about it anyway. I don't like rejecting her and I've told her that maybe she should be with someone that wants sex as much as she does and she just says she doesn't anyone else, she wants me and I tell her that I can't give her what she wants right now. I have tried explaining my feelings to her that I can't get comfortable enough to have sex right now because of what we are going through and she just gets upset with me which in turn makes me feel absolutely awful for not just having sex with her because that's what she wants. I just don't know how to handle this.
     
    #1
  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Re: On the road to break up but gf still want...

    Techie23, in a healthy relationship, both people's sexual needs are more or less matched. Also, in a healthy relationship, there will always be moments when someone doesn't feel up to it and the other would understand.

    But right now, you and her both need healing and are in therapy to work things out. It is okay for you to not want sex and be able to articulate what she can expect and what you see as a future for you both. I think, sometimes, the more guilty we feel about not giving somebody what she wants the less clear we can be about the boundaries and what she can expect.

    I am sorry for what you both are going through and I hope you can find common grounds and understanding and get pass the issues soon.
     
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