ok what to do when she wants a break...

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by affinite, Jan 13, 2015.

  1. affinite

    affinite Member

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    Im pretty sure I know the answer to this but I guess im a bit sad and want to voice my lesbian emotional woes :)
    So we have been together 9 months. Known each other for 12. Pretty much been inseparable ever since... We have been travelling together in a few different countries for the past 4.
    Happy
    Contented
    Fun
    Sexy
    Totally in love.
    Then yesterday she buys a ticket for the 16 hour flight home by herself saying she misses everyone back home. I say that's fine I'll come too, she says she needs a break from the relationship.
    OK bit of a surprise...
    Now she's gone and im stranded in another country.

    OK so I'm highly emotional and like to talk about stuff a lot... Not ridiculous like "are you okay" all the time type things but just generally this is how I'm feeling type talk.
    This is also her first lesbian relationship.
    She did ask me to marry her 2weeks ago, and I said no (its been 9 months! I was in a 4 year relationship and had no desire to get married or even care for the whole marriage idea UNTIL I even met her... and she knows this and that one day in the future I would) she was a little upset about this.
    Anyway, I know communication is key and I sent her a message to let me know she's safe when she arrives...
    She arrived at least 4 hours ago...
    I miss her like crazy, do I just wait... Should I fly back even though she told me she wants space... We met while travelling so we dont have the same hometown...
    Why do I feel a little heartbroken like ive been dumped? Oh the feelings... :-D trying to stay positive.
     
    #1
  2. aussie_gabby

    aussie_gabby Well-Known Member

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    So she just upped and left you in a random country? That's not ok.

    Maybe she's feeling hurt from rejecting the marriage proposal? (Which was totally the right move to me, 9 months is WAY too early).

    I think no matter what age you are, your first lesbian relationship can be confusing.

    My advice is if your still travelling, keep travelling. It's hard but don't let it ruin your adventures.

    Give her some time to figure out what she wants. But also is the time to figure out what it is you want too!
     
    #2
  3. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    Well, in refusing her marriage proposal you basically told her that your relationship had no future. She likely took it as a rejection and her actions are probably out of self-preservation. How do you continue to travel with someone after that? It doesn't matter that you might consider marriage one day, and it doest matter that you've only been together for 9 months (whether it was the right decision) you told her no.

    I hate to be blunt about this, but she just left you in a different country -- didn't want you to come with her, hasn't contacted you. While it's totally not ok to up and leave you stranded, I think her actions are speaking rather loudly and rather clearly as to her intentions.
     
    #3
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  4. Kaiden

    Kaiden Well-Known Member

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    Some people don't need a lifetime to fall in love with someone, some need years. Haven't you told her that not everyone thinks and feels like her and don't want to marry as soon as possible? anyway. What is the big deal with wearing a ring and changing last name, when there's love and all that stuff related to it... if people think that wearing someone's last name is the best assurance of a long lasting relationship, then they deserve what is coming to them. With or without a ring, lovers will come and go, is not like they are going to say "oh, I can't suffer you anymore, but now I'm wearing this fancy ring on my stupid finger and I must stay by your side until we grow old enough, to get hit by amnesia and forget about each other at last". Unless they have some magical ring that throws a curse on them to stay in love forever.
     
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  5. Just Me

    Just Me Well-Known Member

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    Ok lets go over some facts here...

    1) she's 10 years younger then you


    2)
    3)
    ....
    4) it's her first lesbian relationship.

    Let her go, she needs to figure life out.
     
    #5
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  6. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    I must be reading something that got deleted b/c this makes no sense from the original post. But yea, I tend to agree...LET HER GO.
     
    #6
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  7. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    I'm sorry to say, but she dumped you, cut and ran. I know it hurts, but you are better off without her. It's really good you didn't marry her.
     
    #7
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  8. Just Me

    Just Me Well-Known Member

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    #8
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  9. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

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    This person does not have the emotional maturity to be in a long-term, healthy relationship (and definitely not to be married! good call on that). She needs a break, but didn't think that was information that you, her partner and arguably an invested party, needs to know. She left you alone in a foreign country with no contact and communication. She does not respect your request to know that she is safe. It's all about her, without compromise, care, or consideration.

    She can learn what she needs to know, if she decides to; you can wait for her to learn it, if you want.

    Take the 9 months you had as a sexy, fun, joyous adventure. It's a gift - most people don't get romances like that! And let go any expectations you have for it to continue. If it does, that will also be a gift (one that you get because the two of you decide to do the work of being together, not just the fun sexy wild hookup honeymoon period); if it doesn't, you still have those 9 months.
     
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  10. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    #10
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  11. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    I thought the OP doesn't post twice...or was it the Postman doesn't OP twice. But yeah, JustMe rocks here!
     
    #11
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  12. Just Me

    Just Me Well-Known Member

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    I guess it's like therapy to post and disappear for some peeps... Whatever helps get it out in the end, hopefully they at least come back and read the opinions.
     
    #12
  13. Just Me

    Just Me Well-Known Member

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    Your ex left you because your penis inverted and fell off, your mail order bride will realise that and go awol the second she gets to America. ;)
     
    #13

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