of course coming out to my friend

Discussion in 'Coming Out' started by savetonight, Dec 18, 2014.

  1. savetonight

    savetonight Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2014
    Messages:
    96
    Likes Received:
    57
    I'm so confused. Earlier I had a bad experience with coming out to my parents but now it's ok. I thought that is that time to come out to my friends. It should be a next, so important to me step. I was a hard decision but when I realised that I can't live in lie anymore I decided to have a talk with her. I was shoocked because she didn't take it well. What is more she told me that we couldn't be friend anymore. I have no idea why. Yesterday everything was all right and day after she just don't want to know me. It's insane because I don't feel guilty. Why should I, right? I thought that it would be a huge step in my live but.... well.... . She's not very religious so I'm confuse. I thought that she's tollerant but I was wrong. It's so sad because it was important to me:/
     
    #1
  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2013
    Messages:
    1,390
    Likes Received:
    1,489
    I'm really sorry that that happened to you.

    I know that it isn't much consolation to say 'well, if she reacted that way, then she wasn't really your friend anyhow.' I mean, it still hurts, it still stinks, you are still left feeling rejected and scorned. No fun.

    You're friend may come around. Just like your parents, she may change her mind. She might get over the "shock" and decide to be your friend again. If she doesn't, it sounds like she is the one who will be missing out, not you.

    Like your signature, by the way. :)
     
    #2
    Just Me likes this.
  3. savetonight

    savetonight Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2014
    Messages:
    96
    Likes Received:
    57
    Thank you for a nice words. I needed it. I just can't get it. I don't think that this information about my sexuality should be so dissapointed for her that she decided to end our friendship. It's so sad that so unimportant thing has so much meaning for her. I understand when I'm tell her that I lied to her and then she get mad .....but sexual orientation? In my opinion it doesn't change anything between us. What is more we get closer. Echh... That make me want to think that in country people are still intollerant and they think stereotypically. Do you think that I should talk to her again or maybe she's now so scared that I going to be harrasting or something. I can't explain it in other logic way.

    I'm glad that you like my signature:) I have to put it here because I my english still has a weaknesses. I just don't want to people think that I'm dunce because I write incorrectly.
     
    #3
  4. Just Me

    Just Me Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2013
    Messages:
    414
    Likes Received:
    382
    I'm sorry to hear about this situation.

    How long have you been friends witht his person?

    Some people need time to grasp what you've told them. Specially if you're in a place like say, Russia, where homosexuality is so untolerated. What people don't understand, they fear and avoid until it's proven not to effect them. I would maybe give your friend a week or two, and then try and talk again.

    In the coming out process you're almost guaranteed to lose some "friends". What you realise at the end of it all is, whoever's still there in the end are the people you really want around you. You'll forget about the "friends" who forgot about you, and be surrounded by some of the most genuine and real people you've ever met.
     
    #4
  5. savetonight

    savetonight Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2014
    Messages:
    96
    Likes Received:
    57
    We have been good friends since I started my study (almost 5 years). It was important to me to come out to her because we always talk about future and relationships. She always asked me why I don't have a boyfriend or why I'm not interested in somebody. Now she knows why. I didn't want to lie to her and have a "imagine" boyfriends.

    I'm so dissapointed because we have a gay friend and she's ok with him. Is it because we are both girl and she think that's I will adore her? It's insane. I have no idea why she react in this strange way.
     
    #5
  6. Just Me

    Just Me Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2013
    Messages:
    414
    Likes Received:
    382
    Sorry to be nosy, but have you talked to your mutual friend about it? Maybe he would be able to give you more personal advice.

    There is the possibility she thinks you like her and she doesn't know how to react... That happens a lot. Girls have a weird way of taking a simple coming out and turning it into something about themselves. (Thus the "she must be into me if she's telling me this" attitude.) ... Does she have any other lesbian friends? You might be her first and she's probably confused. 5 years is a long time to be friends, some people just need some time to process...

    Maybe you could arrange a coffee with her and your mutual friend?
     
    #6
  7. Guppy

    Guppy Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2013
    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    6
    I would give your friend sometime to adjust to the idea. In a way you changed her total perspective about you with a sentence. Time will be your best indicator on what to do next. You can't really force someone to be your friend. Communication is required for any sort of relationship and communication goes both ways! You can't communication with someone who won't reply back to you.

    A true friendship can go through anything. It doesn't matter how long you know that individual as long as your both are able to grow together and change throughout time while still having that special bond. I can only tell you about my experiences about coming out to my best friend. She is Serbian (Eastern Europe) when I told her I'm gay. She didn't talk to me for a couple of days then all of a sudden she told me she loves me and miss me. She grew up thinking that gayness is a mental disease. Now she goes to pride with me and gay bars.

    I wish you the best of luck and stay positive about it!!!!
     
    #7
    Just Me and Bluenote like this.
  8. savetonight

    savetonight Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2014
    Messages:
    96
    Likes Received:
    57
    Yes I talked with our mutual friend after my coming out. He doesn't know why things went wrong. He told her about 2 years ago and everything was ok. I think that's why that I'm a girl and maybe she's scared. I don't know why she behaves like that. I'm not interested at her at all and she knows it. I decided to give her some more time and we'll see what's next. She told me that I'm doing wrong (wow... but I can't do wrong because it's independent from me) and I'' destroy my future (in my opinion I will destroy my future living in lie whole the time).
     
    #8
    Just Me likes this.

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice