Not sure where to post

Discussion in 'Advice on Meeting Women' started by Liberty, Jul 3, 2013.

  1. Liberty

    Liberty Member

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2013
    Messages:
    22
    Likes Received:
    0
    I am young. I have never dated before, ever. I currently feel more comfortable with the idea of having a girlfriend. I have gone through the stages of being young and in love with the over romanticized ideal relationship, to the what really are my chances, to crippling insecurities. Even now I go from being "ready" to have a relationship with a woman to outright fear of relationships. Again, insecurities sicken me like a virus and I never meet any women. I know and prefer to look for friendships before relationships. Have others gone through these feelings? :?:

    I also don't like the generic: "You'll find someone when you least expect it", or "You have to not look for someone". :arrow:
     
    #1
  2. lynds126

    lynds126 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2013
    Messages:
    598
    Likes Received:
    1
    I think I know what you mean. I haven't had a gf since high school so I'm a little nervous about getting into another relationship. She kinda scared me because we were friends first and she always told me she was straight. And then she decided that she wanted to date me so we did for almost a year. I was completely head over heels for her. We broke up and she went back to guys. So I'm pretty scared that that'll happen again. But you know, I've kinda dealt with it by deciding that it's what I want. No risk, no gain right?? You need to decide what's right for you.
     
    #2
  3. Liberty

    Liberty Member

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2013
    Messages:
    22
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thank you for your reply and with regards to your ex-girlfriend, you seem to understand that you still have a (love) life after her. People have always said I was beautiful, yet no girlfriend. I've been asked out by men but I am not interested in dating men. I don't particularly dress 'feminine' either. BUT women pay no attention to me what-so-ever. I just don't feel attractive to women.
     
    #3
  4. lynds126

    lynds126 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2013
    Messages:
    598
    Likes Received:
    1
    You are a very honest person, and I love how you're just putting yourself out on here.

    If you don't mind me asking, what is one or your biggest insecurity?? It's hard to give advice about them without knowing what the real problem is. But in the meantime, I'll give you a personal example: I feel very insecure about my height and looks. I look very young for my age, and by young I mean <15 (and I'm 23). On top of that, people in the states believe height determines age; I'm very short (4'9). I hate people that think I'm so fragile or so helpless. It's seriously like having a handicap, I swear. So, here's what I do: I look young, fine. I'm short, fine. Can I change it?? No. There's only so much I can do. So, am I gonna let it keep me from enjoying my life?? Hell no. Insecurities lead to self judgement. Why do you let that kind of negativity fog your mind?? People simply are. No judgement, just reality. Don't let anything keep you from being who you are. At the end of the day, it's your life and you need to live it however you please.

    I wouldn't consider myself confident, but I don't have low self esteem either. I am sure of myself, but I didn't get that way overnight. Personally, it took months of self discovery and letting life take its course. And it all started with me asking how everyone was so sure of themselves and not me?? Like you just did =3. Everyone's life is different; your journey won't have the same stops or even the same road.

    In regards to "women not being attracted to you", I think this is more of a pessimistic view because you're feeling down lately. I'm willing to bet, the problem is not that you're not attractive to the ladies, but that you don't give them THE VIBE. If you're too busy worrying about your insecurities, it gives off a very negative energy and I bet they can tell. Try being more positive!!! A smile is a smile; if by chance what I'm saying doesn't work, at least you'll be in a better mood =)

    I'm not going to tell you to wait, because everyone says that and I know you're looking for more. My advice to you is to try letting go of control. Will a woman walk into your life tomorrow?? or today?? I don't know. But I do know that if she does, you'll meet her regardless of how much you worry about it. So don't be patient, just be =3.

    And by the way, the experience thing, I think that a lot of people would find that sexy that you're new at relationships.
     
    #4
  5. ImaKnuff

    ImaKnuff Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2013
    Messages:
    38
    Likes Received:
    0
    I have the same problem ! I go unnoticed by women I prefer because I am so small made :). I am still single because I also don't like to say others that I'm lesbian...That's why I signed here.
     
    #5
  6. Remy

    Remy New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2013
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    I was pretty much in your boat. I've been on one true date (a blind date) and I'm pretty sure he was gay. So I've never actually dated. I've never had a relationship with a guy or girl. I'm very new to the girl/girl game, still trying to figure things out. I'm a huge romantic. I've romanticized about almost every make-out I've had, which is less than 10. When you are comfortable with you, people will be too. It especially helps if you can make the first move. Very scary, yes. I pee my pants every time I decide to do so. My friends always say how brave I am for approaching girls. But how will you know if she'd like you if you don't try?

    I'm with lynds126 on this. Do you mind sharing an insecurity? And how young is young? It would help specify things! From what little I've experienced, I will say it's definitely about the way you hold yourself. Apparently I hold myself very confidently, even though it doesn't feel like it. I have a shit ton of insecurities, but I don't let people see it; I've learned how to handle some.

    For example, I'm 5'0", I used to hate it and still do every blue moon. I'm teased about it all the time, I wish I was taller. But people have told me they already think I'm taller than my height because I stand straight and walk like I know what I'm doing (half the time I don't lol). My height was also a big concern and hindrance when I used to play volleyball. But I was determined to be play Varsity and said eff that. I trained extra hard and proved I was one of the best regardless of my height. It's not something I can change, but I can change how I see it, how it affects me, and how people see me.

    It's the way you portray yourself. If you give into your insecurities, that's the attitude you give off. How will anyone know what a great person you are? Would you ever approach someone who looks like they're having a bad day and will beat you up? A smile goes a very long way! Talk to them as a friend, don't talk to them as a friend who can be your future girlfriend. If it turns into that, by all means. But not in the beginning. I personally don't like going for 'platonic to romantic' because if I see them as a friend, 98% they will forever stay in the friend category, nothing more...and I think it'll confuse them as well. I've been the confused, and I didn't like it. I also think it shows you don't know what you want, which can be very annoying.

    I have a feeling we're very similar in what we want, so I will say this: Don't follow a set standard. Be open! To both the girls and the possibility that your first (I'm assuming you've never been with anyone?) might not be a relationship. When I first started looking for girls, I was set on a certain type. But I've been able to attract more girls the more I 'seem' loose. I'm still somewhat picky, but if a girl approaches me and is off my usual, I give them a chance because they could be something great. And that was made true very recently.

    About a month ago, I lost my virginity to a foreign girl, which meant I knew it was going to be a one night stand. She fit some of my standards, but she wasn't someone I'd typically go for. She had a nice smile, and I didn't get a bad vibe. Before anything happened, we had a great time. She was very nice, sweet, and we had good talk and laughs. I ended up kissing her first, and the rest was history. She knew I was a virgin (couldn't understand why), and was very respectful during sex. She didn't rush me, didn't make me do anything I didn't want to. I was very comfortable with her. I have no regrets. I've always imagined my first to be with someone I've been dating, who was super special to me, but I decided to throw that out. I was nervous I'd be an emotional wreck, but I wasn't. It might've been because the likely-hood of having something more was unlikely, and I was able to accept it.

    I WILL SAY... If you don't think you can handle a one night stand, don't do it. I'm fortunate enough to have good judgement of character, and was VERY lucky to find a girl like her who helped made my first experience a great one. It's all a matter of finding someone who makes you feel comfortable.

    When you're comfortable with yourself, they will be with you, and everything will follow!
     
    #6
  7. Elizabeth156

    Elizabeth156 Active Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2013
    Messages:
    29
    Likes Received:
    0
    -Hi
    I'm right there with you. I'm almost 15 and not out. I know what I am and have come to terms with it. I came out to my sister two months ago and my best friend. The rest of my family is not gay-friendly. I'm here if you need to talk. I'm very young but very mature for my age. It is hard to meet people at this age and I signed on here to meet more people and share and receive advice.

    -Liz
     
    #7

Share This Page