Not sure how to handle this, need advice!?

Discussion in 'Advice (Dear AE...)' started by justmyluck, Sep 3, 2018.

  1. justmyluck

    justmyluck New Member

    Sep 3, 2018
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    So I have a bit of a curious situation which I've never come across before and hoping to get some advice on... sorry if it's a bit long winded, will try to be as concise as possible!

    So basically this thing starts off a couple years ago. I had started a new job and with that came new co-workers. One in particular I was getting along really well with and as I got to know her realized we had similar interests, humor etc. not to mention she is gorgeous. Naturally I started to develop a bit of a crush however was hesitant as I was fresh off a breakup and I wasn't particularly looking to get work and personal life mixed up. Not to mention she identified as straight but would be quite flirty or make offhand comments in my presence about wanting to date women, or making out with women... a game I'm familiar with and it sent red flags up straight away. I'd kept things friendly and whilst we got close outside of work, I never really pushed to try and see where things would lead. I felt I was getting a mixed vibe as she would go hot and cold and at the time I wasn't up for the "Is-she-or-is-she-not straight" mind games.

    So with all the above in mind, I didn't pursue it further and never actually voiced my attraction to her, but felt like she probably low-key sensed it was there just judging by her behavior. I ended up leaving the job a year later, she left not long after and we had drifted apart.

    Fast forward another year later to now...I'm working in a role which requires me to frequent my old workplace as they are now part of my customer base. To my surprise, she's there as an employee! Turns out the job she left for didn't work out so she ended back there 6 months ago. So naturally because I'm visiting the place at least once a week now we start to reconnect and I find I'm getting invited to drinks and catch ups with the old work crew. I had since long forgotten about my attraction to her but found myself being thrown back 2 years without warning. It was definitely still there and I admit I was taken aback with the way I was feeling!

    Now I've been treating everything business as usual but what intrigued me is her behavior towards me since reconnecting. She's being a LOT more forward this time around. For example one of the first questions she asked me was if I was seeing anybody and she's picked apart most details of my love life to date, confiding how she feels unfulfilled in her current relationship with her boyfriend and I would notice she would get jealous if I hooked up or flirted with other girls. It's then since escalated to subtle flirting, then full blown flirting till eventually we actually made out! I'm certain it would have lead to sex but it had to stop for obvious reasons.

    So while I've had a little internal meltdown, on the outside I was prepared to write it off as just drunken fun. We were in a club, we were drinking and things got carried away, it happens so lets just forget it happened and move on right? Plus she has a BF and ok maybe not as straight as I had once assumed but surely she would let it cool off. It was the reaction I was expecting but certainly NOT the one I got.

    The COMPLETE opposite is happening. I mean we're still like we were before making out. fairly professional and we only ever see or talk to each other at work or at a group get together but now she finds an excuse to bring up us making out all the time to not just me but anyone that will listen! She also overtly finds moments to tell me that she's very attracted to me and showers me with compliments like I'm her dream girl, that I'm really hot, I'm a babe, she'd rate me a 10, she's fantasized about me etc..
    Honestly it makes me blush! I'm incredibly attracted to her also and it's almost a dream come true to be hearing all of this. But when I do I don't really respond back and I don't tell her that I reciprocate the feelings (apart from when we made out which is a given). I feel like she really wants me to make a big move but my guard is up at the moment big time!

    So my question is WHAT GIVES!? I'm at a loss as to what I should do or how to continue handling the situation. I feel like i'm playing with fire here. Should I just walk away again or come clean myself with the way I feel about her and open that can of worms? Thoughts?? Ideas??? Help... anyone!?
  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    Ah this site is littered with situations like yours. Not so straight girl wants to have bf and mess around with ladies on the side.

    What do you want? You have been cautious in pursuing anything with her. I assume because you don’t just want sex / cheating with her. But look, she is cheating on her bf. And she’s playing games with you.

    So you may be attracted to her, but she sounds like trouble and drama. If you don’t want trouble and drama then take a step back from her. Don’t feed into the flirting, spend less time with her and don’t drink too much around her.
  3. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    I doubly oubly say, don't drink and make out with people. That never ends well and she could also accuse you of stuff.

    Somehow this reminds me of an episode in Friends where a straight woman never forgot a kiss she had with Rachel. She is interested but you can tell her that you are not interested in cheating with her. You don't want some guy coming after you anyway. I don't know why she would brag about cheating. Unless she likes it but thinks it doesn't count? That's not good.

    All in all, I don't see the intimacy in this. I think I would get mixed up with her simply because I am thinking with my other brain. It is hard to resist such temptation, I am sure, but please throw up the boundaries and it is ok to say how you feel, which I construe as, if a woman makes out with you, you want her to mean it because you do. And it should mean enough not to drag you into her couple hood.
    ridiculous likes this.
  4. sofakingsweet

    sofakingsweet Well-Known Member

    Aug 24, 2013
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    Make out with her once more ;) and then ask her if she really likes you or just likes the thrill of being with a woman. Tell her you like her but that you can't continue the makeout sessions because she has a boyfriend and you don't want to get hurt. How long has she been with her bf, is she unhappy? Does she want to break up with him and be with you? If she says no, then you gotta drop her and keep your distance for a while.

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