Not Being 'Gay' enough for a label

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by OzmaTheCat, Jul 8, 2014.

  1. OzmaTheCat

    OzmaTheCat Member

    Jul 8, 2014
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    In College I decided that I wanted to follow through with my beliefs and reflect them in actions. You know, connect the heart and the head! I believe that everyone, everywhere, deserves love and that if I love someone, I love someone! Regardless of gender, sexual orientation, or any other 'label'. I never have had the struggle of knowing I was a lesbian or trying to hide my sexual orientation and it is because of this that I don't feel like I deserve to be part of a pride movement or to call myself gay. I have witnessed people deal with coming out and all the emotional toil that can occur in relation and I would never want to just jump in and say "oh yah I like girls too, its no big deal". I want to respect those who have went through a brave fight, but I also want to be included in this community. Am I bisexual, lesbian, or pansexual? I don't know. I just don't really want to rush out and put a label on a belief that is about being open to all.

    I am honestly content with this belief I have established and realized I've always had a thing for loving everyone. But where does this actually leave me? I do not yet feel comfortable attending LGBTQ community stuff by myself. I do not identify solely as an ally or a single orientation. Mostly I just seem to get stuck in my head wondering if I really every will get to date a girl one day and find that fulfilling relationship that people crave. Too straight to be gay and to gay to be straight….. :|

    thanks for reading and putting your thoughts out there alongside mine
  2. MizzLadyPants

    MizzLadyPants Well-Known Member

    Oct 3, 2013
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    I totally feel you on this one. Honestly I hate labels; when it comes to sexuality. gender roles etc.
    Being a woman shouldn't mean I have to act, dress, or love any certain way. So i just call myself pan sexual when i have to call myself anything (for the sake of other people)
    When i am attracted to a person its because I enjoy their company & im attracted to them body and mind. no matter what sex they are or how they dress or how they consider themselves.

    The real problem is the worlds overwhelming desire to label everything & put it in a box. I dream someday that the world could be a place where as you start to date; nobody would thing twice if you dated a woman . a man. or both. Your just loving another person. its just love & companionship. Humans already have many complicated relationships with one another; I wish we could just enjoy them instead of sitting around wondering "what it means"....
  3. Kaiden

    Kaiden Well-Known Member

    May 30, 2014
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    I don't join groups, I like being alone. I don't need no one to represent me, talk in my name and take decisions for me, put me in a category, define me, trying to input limits and make me live by their standards - some go that far but in a more subtle way. Communities are useful for those who want to depend on others, they feel alone, in some cases, to know other people with the same interests. I don't need them, they don't need me. A community where we share the same interests and some views, will not guarantee that I will meet cool people. Is enough that I know what makes me feel good. If I will put a label on the thing I'm doing, will the pleasure and sympathy increase x10 more? of course not. I don't need validation from strangers or acceptance or a shinning title above my sexual orientation.They are useless to me, just like the opinions of people whom I didn't asked from. I have accepted myself and that is all what matters for me. I don't want to fit in other's world, I have build my own world and is free of labels and all the other nonsense.
  4. TADinUS

    TADinUS Well-Known Member

    Jan 25, 2014
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    I wouldn't worry so much about the label. You don't have to be IN the LGBT group to support them. You support them when YOU VOTE, when you express yourself ("I support same sex marriage" = doesn't have to come from gay people).

    You seem to be a young pansexual person, which IMHO - can be harder than simply being sexual. You connect SEX with your Heart and brain. Pansexual is beyound the "LGBT" table... I kind of want to add the word "Other" but it sounds bad.. maybe what is needed is "EBSP" (Everyone But Straight People) hehehe. On the L-Word series, a transgendered (Girl who wants to be a man) falls for a gay man, they become M-TGM couple until someone got pregnant before various operations. In real life, a friend of mine is a post-op woman who has a lesbian girlfriend.

    I'm a bi-male who meet, dated and married a lesbian. We have an open relationship, because I know she is attracted to women, etc.

    You should go were women got to clubs, meet and date them. I'll be frank... you really should do this. I spent much of my 20s looking to ONLY date "THE ONE" person, it will be romantic... everything would be wonderful, blah blah. Truth is, YOU DON'T know who that person is until you meet them. And if you are shy and/or inexperienced - what would YOU say to that person? "Hi, I'm XYZ - 29 year old virgin, I waited for you my whole life" = that person may run-away.

    Meeting and dating people = gaining skill. You play video games? Especially those in which you build up a character's levels? Well think of that in terms of REAL LIFE relationships. With NO or low experience points, your dates will not go well... Hell, even years of dating, you'll have bad/lame dates. A friend texted me, she said "Trying to get out of a bad date" and she is very much NOT a virgin.

    Those experiences teach you to KNOW why someone is looking or talking to you a certain way. How would you kiss your "ONE" if you are shy/nervous. In movies, its cute, in real-life = its not fun. The only FIRST KISS I remember in my life is my wife (After dozens of relationships / one-nighters) She looked cute and shy, said something I thought was endearing of her, and I passionately give her a long kiss. I didn't even know her name! It was fireworks and surreal. We didn't have sex that night, we made love.

    If we meet 8 years earlier, I wouldn't have done that, much less ask her out. She wouldn't have found me interesting or confident either.

    Sex is sex... Sex with love is much much better. But practice does help... and having some broken hearts along the way is experience points.

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