Need to get over a delusional love

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Laurie Crofty, Aug 22, 2018.

  1. Laurie Crofty

    Laurie Crofty New Member

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    Hello all!
    I need to write it down so that it clears my mind, and hopefully move on.

    I work overseas. We had new hires about a year ago, one in particular that caught my attention. I didn't pursue it as I was in a relationship, long distant relationship. Still, we became friends, she had a PS4 - you don't let go a woman that has a PS4 - She told me then she is straight, in a distant relationship as well. And I told to myself, I can totally be friend with her, I will get over that crush, not my first time, been there - done that! I even told her I had a crush on her but won't go any further. She was flattered (so cute <3 - bear with me, I am in pain).
    Three months after that, my relationship was a dead end. So, I broke up. And I turned to her for a friendly shoulder to cry on, which led to a deeper level of friendship, we talk about everything now.
    Three months after that, she broke up with her boyfriend. I was sad for her and felt her pain. But, a part of me was smiling - the dumb me though I could control my feelings and just buried deep down, and it would disappear. In fact, all those months, long walks, gym together, lunch together, laughter and insults, I just fell in love with her, wishing one day she would return my affection. Some co-workers even noticed how closed we were and asked me if we were dating. - that is just not ok with my delusional love.
    Fast forward last week - She met somebody. And guess who she turns to ask advice? her platonic friend, me. As a good friend, I told her to go for it - she looked so happy - As a secretly in love with her, it crushed me. I cried twice on my pillow today.
    Next week end, we are going to have a party all together - As a good friend, I will be all sociable and funny and nice - As a secretly in love with her, watching them together will kill me. And, my pillow will probably pay the price.

    I had no chance, still I dig deeper and shoved my heart in. Why ??
    I am mad at myself because I knew I will suffer from it. I really do like her as a friend, and I don't want my stupid infatuation to ruin it. But, I feel like it will eventually, if I don't back away and heal my heart.

    I just needed to let it out. Thanks for reading.
     
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  2. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    You never had a chance. She is straight.

    Take some time away from her, if you need to.....because at the end of the day you risk losing your friendship if you cannot keep it as a friendship with her. You risk making her completely uncomfortable if she knows that you've been friends with her on the surface but kept hidden an ulterior motive for more.
     
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    greylin likes this.
  3. Laurie Crofty

    Laurie Crofty New Member

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    lol lol ... Now that you say that, I feel trapped. And, the more I think about it, I don't think I want to stay that close to her as a friend. I know I will fall in that situation again ...
    Anyway, she is leaving soon for another job. Few months and I don't have to stay away from her, she will be away.
     
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