Need someone else's perspective on this!

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Magz1994, Feb 20, 2017.

  1. Magz1994

    Magz1994 New Member

    May 2, 2016
    Likes Received:
    So I was seeing this girl ages ago, and we went to being friends. Eventually I pulled her up on the fact that our friendship wasn't reciprocal and I was basically initiating everything and she didn't really have any genuine interest in finding out about me until the last time we hung out.

    I said to her that I understood she had stuff going on but it had been since day 1 and that when my house was being flooded and I sent out an SOS on all forms of social media, my snapchat said something like "fucking freaking out, I really need help right now" with the picture of my flooding house, she sent me a selfie of her after her run, so I called her out on that as well.

    She apologized and said that she wasn't a good friend and she had no idea how serious the damage of the earthquakes were down south (we had earthquakes and flooding within two days of each other), but totally ignored my comment on her really rude snap during the flooding, she eventually says that I should stop putting my energies into this.

    A few days later I find that she's unfriended me and I ask her why, as I was asking her to just reciprocate as friendship isn't a one way street and I wasn't going to be the one trying anymore (the ball is in your court sort of thing) and she said that I basically told her I didn't want to be friends with her, I totally denied that and told her my reasoning then she ignored me.

    I didn't speak to her for a month then wished her a happy Christmas and she did the same then a few weeks later I tried reaching out to her saying "can we start again" (being a weakling and backing down as usual) and she totally ignored that so it's been over a month now and she added me on snapchat, I didn't contact her because I've done all I can do, she watched all my snapchats and then blocked me again.

    My question to you is, what does she benefit from doing this? I know she's keeping tabs on me but why? I already tried reaching out a hand and she denied it but why this?
  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    Who cares? Why do you want to have any contact with someone who finds out your house is flooded and sends you a selfie? She is selfish, self absorbed and immature. Block her on all forms of social media and move on. She's not worth the effort to try and figure out.
    rainydaze and greylin like this.
  3. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

    Jul 2, 2013
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    She's self-absorbed and wants your friendship when it's convenient for her....and when it's not, you might as well not exist. What does she get from you? You feed her ego....what do you get from her? Frustration.

    This woman doesn't deserve further thought or effort from you.
    rainydaze, greylin and Bluenote like this.
  4. rainydaze

    rainydaze Well-Known Member

    Nov 22, 2015
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    Wholeheartedly, I have to agree with the other responses. Do not invest another minute of your life trying to figure this one out!

    You already know this: it was a one-way friendship which suited her needs only... And the minute you called her on it she could no longer pretend that this was okay with both of you. That changed the dynamic, and for whatever reasons (you will not likely ever truly know why), she no longer wanted the friendship. Period.

    Do not chase after her. Do not continue to reach out to her. Spend your precious time and, obviously, loyal friendship skills on those who appreciate and reciprocate it.

    "It is what it is." So often, being human, we want to know the "why???" behind everything. That's a natural question to have. We seem to cope better and process it easier, if we know the second half of the sentence: "She ended the friendship/relationship, BECAUSE ________." We are curious creatures and, hopefully, we learn from our experiences, so it is in our make-up that we seek to understand.

    However, when it comes to relationships ending, we have to accept that it happened, and what our own role in it was, so that we do not repeat our painful patterns. We may never really understand the other person's position or perspective, even if that person is willing to talk to you directly and honestly about it, which is rare actually. It is hard for all of us to understand why we do what we do, and when we are wrong, most of us do not readily take the hotseat and voluntarily explain why we behaved like an ass. Sometimes, attempts at "closure" with a person can be more frustrating than satisfying because people cannot always take responsibility, be accountable, acknowledge the pain they caused, and NOT minimize/make excuses/place blame. Ideally, we would get that from each other so that we could understand, let go and move on, but when a relationship has crashed and burned, we usually do not receive the full, accurate relationship "autopsy" report from the other party's perspective.

    The point is she did behave like an ass, and you did not deserve that. When you gave her several opportunities to correct it, she did not. For your own sake, let it go. Spend the energy on examining why You put up with that sort of behavior for so long and how it took your house flooding before you recognized and could no longer tolerate such a lopsided relationship. Energy invested in understanding yourself and how/why you do what you do would be much more productive for you. That and recognizing current true friendships which are worth your time and attention will help you heal from this bad investment. You already have given her too much thought and consideration. Redirect that back to yourself. You will find greater fulfillment in understanding You!
    greylin likes this.

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