Need help moving on...

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Mackydill, Mar 24, 2015.

  1. Mackydill

    Mackydill New Member

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    My girlfriend of nearly two years just broke it off with me. I was completely in love with this girl. She was my whole world. We had been having some issues, but who doesn't. She is a very independent girl, with a colorful past. I just finished with grad school (I'd been in grad school since we had been together) and hadn't found a job yet. She was the sole means of support financially and she had to commute a pretty long way for her job. Our sex life had fizzled out months ago. She claimed she just didn't have the drive for sex anymore and every time I tried to initiate, I got shot down. But despite all of our issues, we were still good together. We complemented each other so well. She said that we had turned into nothing more than roommates. I agreed with her but I wanted to fix our problems and get our spark back. Fast forward a while after that conversation. She leaves for work that night and doesn't come home for two days. She never calls, only texts. She says she got drunk after work and didn't want to drive home so she stayed with a friend. The next day she says she's having a good time so she wants to stay with the friend again. She basically kept making excuses to not come home. When she finally did come home, she told me that she needed to be alone and that she needed time to figure out who she was and what wants in her life. I pleaded with her to change her mind but nothing I said made a difference. Devastated, I packed up my stuff and moved back in with my parents. Not three days later, she tells me that she's already seeing someone. On top of that, it's one of the girls she was staying with the day's she had disappeared. The girl whose clothes she was wearing the day she came back. The supposed "straight" girl she had had a crush on since high school. Since then we've done nothing but argue through text. Today I found out that she moved two states away without even telling me and that she's in love with this girl (who she claims had nothing to do with the break up, which I don't believe for a second). It's been just over a month that all of this has happened and I'm having a really hard time dealing with it. Being so much in love with someone who clearly fell out of love with me a long time ago. Someone who in all likelihood was cheating on me. Someone who could so easily throw away two years of our lives and not seem to care in the least. ​
     
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  2. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    Unfortunately it sounds like you were living in denial -- you even agree that you turned into nothing more than roommates.
    You also admit you had issues....and then said who doesn't? Well, if a relationship is the right one, there may be few, if any, issues at all (and yes, I can say that authoritatively).

    The thing is: you can't make someone love you. You can't make someone want to be with you. She's done. And from what it sounds like, she's been done with you for quite awhile. In the scheme of relationships two years is not a long time...that's about the time where real life sets in and the honeymoon fades and you need to figure out whether there's a future or whether there's not much of anything at all. If you're having issues and the spark faded well before the two year mark, then I'd venture to say that this relationship wasn't destined to be long-term. Also, for those reasons, I doubt the new girl had anything to do with the breakup -- maybe she was the catalyst but not necessarily the cause.

    Don't look to someone else for your own happiness. Calling someone your whole world puts a lot of pressure on someone. j And frankly, it would make me uncomfortable Find strength in who you are..then find someone who loves and accepts you for that person -- don't be in a relationship or seek a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship. After the honeymoon ends the spark will fade....I would never go back to that new spark because if a relationship is meant to work, there's something better.
     
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