Need advice on talking about sex

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by daydreamer33, Jul 18, 2014.

  1. daydreamer33

    daydreamer33 Active Member

    Dec 11, 2013
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    Hi, thanks in advance to anyone who replies to this. I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for nearly 3 months now. We are both in our 20's but we are pretty inexperienced when it comes to romantic relationships. We have a lot in common and our relationship is going well so far. In terms of getting more physical we are taking things very slowly (which I think is a good thing). So far there has just been a lot of making out and hand holding etc. Anyway, at this point I feel that we should at least have a discussion about sex and maybe decide together how we want that area of the relationship to proceed. I am not in a hurry or anything, but it is kind of starting to feel like the elephant in the room and I would just like to get the discussion out in the open. I get a sense that she wants to talk about it too, but we are both being shy about it and kind of avoiding the topic. I'm not afraid to talk about sex, but I am afraid to make her uncomfortable. In a way I'm glad we are both inexperienced and can discover things together, but this also makes it awkward because there is no one to sort of "take the reins" if you know what I mean. Does anyone have any suggestions of ways I can bring up the sex discussion? Any advice on what not to do? I have considered just saying something like "kissing you really turns me on you know" and sort of taking the discussion from there? Any other advice out there?

    Thanks again
  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
    Likes Received:
    I think you are over thinking this.

    Just let things progress naturally. When you are together, just explore a little more. Throw in some pillow talk, because communication is good. Tell her 'in the moment' that kissing her drives you crazy. Ask her 'in the moment' what she likes. Ask her 'in the moment' if things are OK, if she's cool with what you are doing. You don't have to go from kissing to sex. You don't have to go from not talking about sex to having a 3 hour long detailed discussion. You can just do (and talk) about things a little at a time, slowly building up to more intimacy.

    It's OK to just go slowly at a pace that is comfortable for both of you.

    I'm going to guess that you are both virgins. And that you are avoiding talking about being virgins as much as you are avoiding talking about sex. Understandable, as society give so many weird messages about sex and has so many myths about sexual performance. But honestly, those myths are [email protected]; sex is a lot about exploration and communication.

    Just take your time exploring and communicating and the sex part of things will come naturally.

    Have fun

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