Myself is my worst enemy

Discussion in 'Coming Out' started by SunkenDuncan123, Nov 7, 2018.

  1. SunkenDuncan123

    SunkenDuncan123 New Member

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    I find my self thinking and thinking and thinking about my sexuality and these bad dark evil thoughts just won’t go away. I don’t live in a particularly conservative town and My family isn’t particularly conservative or homophonic and neither am I. I’m pretty sure that they would be okay with it.... but I’m not. I know this isn’t going to change and I know that his isn’t something that I can control but I just can’t seem to accept my self. I’ve seen all of the normal it’s ok you be you and accept your self articles and logically I know this to be true. But I read it and I just don’t believe it. I can’t make myself truly believe and accept myself. Can anyone help me just accept who I am because I can’t figure out how to be okay with myself first.
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    It depends on what you are feeling is something you have been trained to feel over time or you have some chemical imbalance or, it could be both. I think a lot of people feel like that from time to time and that is why you have a thriving industries based on looks and social media. We now even have the need to dress up our food we made in our own kitchens and send evidence of it to the internet. True happiness and acceptance is from within and we live in a world that tells us otherwise. So we have many triggers in our lives that would only confirm our very own bias against ourselves.

    A bias lives by looking for evidence to support itself. You may have biases against yourself and your sexuality that you can look into. Look for things that counter it. Look for others like yourself, role models in our community that are positive. Meditate on those things. Also see if there is anything in your diet that is not helping you feel good. Watch for signs of depression and get help.
     
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  3. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

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    I used to feel this way about my body - intellectually, I knew what I believed and that it was supported by science and that my partner loved my shape, but I had a lot of years of toxic body culture to overcome in order to be able to live emotionally and mentally with that knowledge.

    The thing that made the biggest difference to me was consciously consuming media - pictures, videos, style blogs - that presented bodies like mine as beautiful. So, maybe that's a strategy that can help? Read books about queers, watch movies about queers, hang in places where queerness is normal and visible. Follow some lesbian style blogs and practice seeing out as interesting and brave and sexy and normal. Dig into some queer history - uninvisibilze your identity, and make it seem like a legacy you are stepping into and embracing. There are some great photo archives and awesome articles out there.

    And maybe it's weird, but I'd even seek out some stuff aimed at children. Like, where did you learn that this was a thing you couldn't accept? We were all socialized, basically from birth, for our role in heteropatriarchy, and to construct our worth relative that to that role. My first, joyous rec is Steven Universe, which is a bomb cartoon about rebel space lesbians (kind of? but it's queer as hell).
     
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