My hot boss is flirting with me

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by Curious12, Jan 18, 2020.

  1. Curious12

    Curious12 Member

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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Booty-call wise, I think she is there for the entertainment at work and not a real hookup. So, don’t try anything or awkwardness would be huge. I know you don’t want judgement but have you taken a sexual harassment training course at work? It is not just about not shitting where you eat. But if you don’t want that conversation I understand. The caution I would put out is that this is every workplace and boundaries will serve you professionally no matter where you go. At the end, you will wake up one day and you are like *gasp* forty *gasp* and you will be thankful you have a career and doing the kind of things you enjoy and feel like you are contributing to the world.
     
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  3. Curious12

    Curious12 Member

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    I'm naturally a cautious person, but you have to understand she's probably the most attractive woman I know. I mean, I can't even begin to tell you. There are like 400 people working in our building and everyone I know pretty much agrees she's the most good-looking. If she had been any less attractive I would have followed your advice, but it's just too much to miss out on if she is into me.

    What makes you think she's there for the entertainment at work and not a real hookup? I mean, the things she does are crazy.
     
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  4. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    The fact that she does not contact you or set things up for outside of work. It tells me she flirts at work like it is a game and heaviest with you maybe because you are a woman and therefore safe. I was told by this guy that married women tended to be less uptight because they were not looking for someone and would joke flirt. And of course what she is doing is inappropriate and she knows it. The sexual harassment comment and look is just testing the waters to see if you are game on the flirting and not gonna give her trouble. I know this is your throw away job but ultimately you will need a reference and you don’t want to complicate things.

    You know I don’t encourage this and frankly women like your boss I can do without. But you probably will never listen and so here goes if you want to test out something...
    You could test the waters by going out on a date with a woman and then telling her about how nice your date treated you. Keep the narration clean and respectful so it won’t blow up if she is one of those “I can flirt with you but you can step over the line easily with me” kinda person. See how that goes. If she reacts then start being extra attentive to her likes and dislikes.
     
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  5. Curious12

    Curious12 Member

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  6. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Well, no, let’s not jump to the idea of sleeping with her. I figure that may give you some clues as to how she would react to you knowing she is flirting at a real life queer person rather than someone who is just safe.

    If someone really wants to contact you outside of work, she will come up with something work related at first and then start coloring outside the lines. A very smart person here by the name of @Spygirl has once said that someone with a crush will see what she wants to see. You see everything as a sign and every reluctance as a fear to pursue you. She is being inappropriate and that certainly creates a bad culture and confusion for you. And for someone who has sat through the senate inquiry on Anita Hill in the 90’s which had sparked some kind of women’s workplace movement, only to see each wave of young people forgetting why they have those sexual harassment seminars to this reawakening of the same issues under #metoo, why shouldn’t behaviors like your boss be the most nauseating to witness. As I have stated before, you never know when you will need that reference and that is for years to come. I am not trying to make you feel bad for liking someone but I have learned about boundaries the hard way and have seen the problems with such boundaries dashed in the work place. I have lived, and felt the history on such things. Please reconsider your quest and find an available cutie to date. And btw, you have no idea what she is really like with her husband at home. People get really hurt by infidelity and you will never know what you could unleash even if you get the woman.
     
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  7. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    Ok...so I've been paged. Thanks @greylin! I had to read this whole thread....and yes, I've said in the past that we tend to see or perceive things the way we WANT to see them and not objectively.

    I'm not going to get into a discussion of how inappropriate a boss/subordinate/flirty work thing is. That's been covered and I'm not going to be judgy. That aside, here's how I see it:

    The first thing I would say is this: she's married. End of story.
    Although you suspect an open relationship, you have no proof of one, particularly when it seems she's flirty/touchy-feely with a lot of people.

    Which brings me to my next thing -- the fact that she's flirty/blows kisses/touchy feely with a lot of people. Back to the seeing what you want to see notion -- yeah, maybe she goes a bit more overboard with you, but it's only at work, and no effort is made beyond that. Maybe she thinks it's safe to act this way at work because in her mind she knows she means nothing by it and nothing will ever come of it. And, if she is as attractive as you say, she probably knows it and loves the attention...her attention to others, including you, begets attention.

    If she were really into you -- like into you and not for fun at work -- it seems to me that things would have carried over outside of work -- even if it were only as friends. You don't have to be into someone to go out as friends for a drink after work, especially if you're trying to figure out if there's more there. The fact that you have had zero interaction outside of work tells me that -- even if there might be some interest on her part there -- she's "work zoned" you -- especially since you've been working together for awhile now.
     
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  8. Curious12

    Curious12 Member

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  9. Curious12

    Curious12 Member

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  10. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    She was talking about her husband hypothetically and it is no confirmation about the nature of their marital relationship. The fact that she seems embarrassed means you have crossed over the line in meaningless flirt to this shit maybe getting more real and she sensed it. You are right to give up.
     
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  11. Curious12

    Curious12 Member

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    Lmao she did not talk about her husband hypothetically. She said her husband wouldn't care if she did it. She said it resolutely and I'm sure they had talked about the subject or she def wouldn't have put it this way. Or are you having trouble with English?
    About her being embarrassed - I was super embarrassed when she did the stuff I've written above. Not because I wasn't interested, but because it was unexpected and I'm introverted. She's introverted too. I'm right to give up but it's not because she talked about her husband hypothetically (rofl) or because she was embarrassed; it's because she doesn't appear to be taking things to the next level when the ball is in her court. I would have appreciated a direct answer to my question which was a very simple one - did my interaction with her make it clear I was into girls? But I guess I will not receive my answer. Whatever lol
     
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  12. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Go on the attack when people disagree with you, classy. Bye and have a nice life.
     
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  13. Curious12

    Curious12 Member

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    Ok lmao
     
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  14. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    That she said her husband would be okay with it (and yes I read before deleted) isn't a de facto leap to "she's in an open marriage" or that she'd consider something with you.

    Try to look at the situation objectively -- even if she is into girls and that her husband does not possibly care, it doesn't mean that she's into you, specifically. Careful in that you could be seeing what you want to see in the situation because if you misinterpret this in the slightest, it could get real ugly real fast.
     
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  15. Curious12

    Curious12 Member

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    Lol aren't you a little spy, reading what I'd written before I deleted it :) I promise you she's in an open marriage. English is not my native language and I don't speak English with my boss, so saying "her husband wouldn't care if she did it" may not convey the right message. I'm telling you she 100% spoke with her husband about it and he told her she can sleep with girls if she wants to.
    I don't know why I'm only saying this now but a while ago she was talking to me about something she had to do that night and said she would rather swing (swap partners), so there's also that.

    I am looking at the situation objectively - as I've said, the fact that she's not taking things to the next level when the ball is in her court (I gather you think I did make it clear I was into girls when I spoke with her) means that she's not interested. I really like that whole "we perceive things the way we want to see them and not objectively" thing and agree with it 100%, but I already said I'm gonna give up on this because she's probably not interested, so I really don't know why you're trying to convince me of something I already said myself lol..

    I have to say I had real grounds to think she was into me specifically because she flirted with me heavily on numerous occasions. She did things that could 100% be considered sexual harassment.
    I should also mention I'm rather attractive and bear an extreme resemblance to her, and I've already said how attractive she is. Our physique is practically identical - we're the exact same height, are really skinny, have large breasts. We have the same skin tone and hair and eye color. Almost same everything. She once told me (in the bathroom, no less lol) that sometimes when she looks at me it's like looking at herself because of how much alike we look.
    Of course I no longer think she's into me.
     
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  16. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    Darn internet -- always hard to convey the right message that doesn't get lost in translation!

    And maybe that's just the thing...if this weren't work or whatever.....something might have happened.

    At the very least, you got validation from the situation that you weren't misinterpreting he signals.
     
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