My girlfriend is out to her friends but is not comfortable introducing me to them.

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Odeya1234, Apr 3, 2017.

  1. Odeya1234

    Odeya1234 New Member

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    #1
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2017
  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    I think the first thing you would have to decide is if nothing is going to change on her end, would this be a deal breaker for you? And if one day you get married and the in-laws get even worse about your relationship, would that be a deal breaker?

    The sad truth is that sometimes, a partner's family and her relationships with others can break our own. It doesn't take cheating, sometimes it takes that friend or family you can't stand hanging around. Or that friend and family that takes your partner to activities and exclude you. Sometimes it is not even for reasons like homophobia, sometimes it is just that your partner has relationships with someone you don't get along with.

    Meanwhile there are so many mother-in-law jokes for a reason. (It is in-laws in general but moms always get the brunt of it.)

    If you decide that this is not a deal breaker. Then you and your partner would need to negotiate how best to keep you comfortable when she is off to see her family. You have to decide to be by her side in some occasions or not. Sometimes, don't ask and don't tell, or spot acceptances help. I have seen a some really traditional families where they have a daughter bringing a woman around for every family event. The woman is often introduced by name and not description of your relationship. Everyone in the family knew what they were to each other. But they keep mum because they get to live with their strict whatever reasons for their homophobia with plausible deniability. To them, often, they feel that if they were to accept what they think is immoral then all hell would break loose on who they are. I am not saying it is right. I am saying that is how some people deal.

    By spot acceptances I mean that if she has allies in her family and she can help flank you in events you do attend with her, then it can help a lot.

    Please don't think your woman is demonstrating that she doesn't love you enough to defy tradition. You know she does and she has come this far. Whatever steps she has taken is probably very painful for her. It is hard to dismiss your own family. Sometimes people do divorce their families but it is a decision to be arrived at one's own will and time. Also, she is probably tired of her sexuality being the thing that defines now and forever her interactions with her family. She is no longer just a friend, a daughter, a sister. She is now the-one-who-is-dating-a-girl-but-why. If you plan to stick around, the best way to improve things for you and her is you supporting her in this journey she is taking. She has chosen you. You two will need to choose how to deal with this aspect of her family together.
     
    #2
    Last edited: Apr 4, 2017
    Spygirl likes this.
  3. Odeya1234

    Odeya1234 New Member

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    You have really put a lot into perspective for me, particularly the last paragraph! Supporting her on her journey to self acceptance is far more important at this stage :)

    Thank you!

    Odi x
     
    #3

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