My girlfriend has no sex drive but I can't tu...

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Brazen, Sep 3, 2013.

  1. Brazen

    Brazen Member

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    My lady friend and I have been together on and off for about 3 years. The biggest issue we have is that I love sex. I love it and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I love to flirt and be touched and to feel sexy and desired. She on the other hand, has almost no sex drive. That was part of the reason for the original split and since we have been back together we have had sex once. She can go months without even thinking about it and every time I try to initiate with her I get told that she is either "sleepy" or has a "headache". She has probably initiated sex 3 times in the 3 years we have been together. She has also said that she has gender dysphoria and is not comfortable with her body which I understand and we had a discussion on how we could over come that. I never use female pronouns when we have sex or reference any parts of her body that make her uncomfortable. I went out and bought her a harness and a variety of cocks but they just seem to be collecting dust in the toy box. She has not made any decision to start hormone treatment so I'm at a loss as to what to do.
    I have attempted to speak with her about it several time but all I get is a stony "I don't know" or "I'm sorry boo". I even asked her if she still wanted to be with me which she swears she does. Yesterday, I gave her 3 options, we take a break, we open our relationship sexually or we attempt to have sex more. Long story short, she lunged for the two options that didn't involve having sex with me. I know she said I could have sex with other people but it wasn't reassuring (her exact words were "I don't want you to sleep with other people but if that's what you want." see?...not very reassuring).

    I love her to life but I don't know what to do. I'm 27 years young, horny and want to have some HOT sex, lol. So, ladies, please, any advice???
     
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  2. Beyond Infinity

    Beyond Infinity Well-Known Member

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    Re: My girlfriend has no sex drive but I can'...

    3 years it's a hell of a lot of time, I don't believe you can change anything about that after so much time. Move on to someone who has happy libido like you, she is a frigid woman who needs a life partner, and there's no passion to be found in that.
     
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  3. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Re: My girlfriend has no sex drive but I can'...

    I pretty much agree with the above. What you really want is not to have sex with others, or you would have jumped at the chance of her giving you half a nod and not even post here. You really want is to have sex with her and have her show her desire to you the way you want. Try the open relationship if you really can't leave and you think you can be oriented for it. I don't get the feeling you are though. If I were you I would have an amicable break up. Daily frustrations like that is not kind to either of you.
     
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  4. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

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    Agreed.

    You're not what she needs. She's not what you need. Better to acknowledge it - and give both of you the opportunity to find a more positive, supportive situation - that to keep trying to make it work. Square pegs, round holes, etc.

    At the end of the day - both you could be experiencing healthy sex drives, that are normal for you. Yours is high; hers is very low. If there are other things going on, especially involving her mental health, then I'm not surprised that sex is a risk she doesn't want to take; her paying attention to her body, needs, and desires, and not capitulating to you, is actually good (for her). It's something that might resolve in time, as she faces her gender dysphoria and any other factors that might contribute to sex being really challenging - or she might just have a low interest in sex, without that. Kudos for being an open-minded and supportive partner, and recognize that however legitimate her needs, that doesn't mean you don't also get to meet your own.

    But you don't get to make her have more sex, and so the solutions that work for her - as she herself said - are the ones that involve you having sex with other people. Since an open relationship ("if you have to") doesn't seem to actually meet her needs, I think a clean break is probably the best option you've got. Hard, but not a bad or cruel choice if it leads to a chance for real compatibility for both you.
     
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