My friend started smoking. What do I do?

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by anomynous, Jun 22, 2018.

  1. anomynous

    anomynous New Member

    Jun 22, 2018
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    Recently, my friend (he is 13 yrs old) started smoking cigarettes. I am scared that he is ruining his lungs and he won't live for very long. He already has a lot of health issues, and I am scared this will make it worse. He is always offering me things like drugs or cigarettes, and even when I say no he asks again a few days later. We are both still so young and I don't want him to get cancer or to die. I'm scared for his health and life, what do I do? How can I help?
  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    Oh my! That is very young and you are a good friend and smart to be concerned.

    Some vices are social things, you hang with that person, they would want you to join them in whatever it is they do. However, you can only say so much about your concerns. He won't just drop something on account on some advice. However, you should protect yourself and your stance. By doing so, it can become the greatest of influence.

    To protect yourself, you can set absolute boundaries. Don't hang with him when he is smoking and doing drugs. You wouldn't want 2nd hand smoke or your resolve to not do stupid crap waver. It is not cool he keeps asking when you say, "No." It is good for both you and him if he does that then you stay away for a while.

    Thank you for being the strong, level headed one when your friend isn't. Kudos to you!
    Spygirl and Nancy like this.
  3. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

    Jul 18, 2013
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    You can't make anyone do anything they don't want to, which is a sad and hard truth.

    But! You can control you. As @greylin suggests, you should not hang out with him when he is smoking. It might seem rude, but HE is being rude by smoking around you and pressuring you to join him. Your health and comfort matter, and if your friend is not going to look out for them, then you need to.

    It also serves the added benefit of showing him that there is a social price to pay for this vice; since many young smokers start because they are looking for social reward, that might influence him to cut back (or at least be more considerate).

    Be a broken record in your refusal. Here are some scripts I would try:
    "No thanks - not my thing!"
    "Happy to be straightedge. No thanks!" (*if this is even a thing people still say)
    "Not gonna smoke - love my clean lungs. I'll be inside when you're done!"

    If he keeps asking after your "no"s, try:
    "I said no already. Why are you insisting?"
    "It's really not cool that you don't respect my choice."
    " I'm super uncomfortable that you keep asking. Please stop."

    And if he doesn't, literally just end the conversation and walk away.
    "I'm really frustrated, and I'm going to hang with X now. See you around!"

    You might lose him as a friend, which is really hard and sad. Please remember that if that happens, it is because of a choice that he is making, to put smoking/drugs ahead of your friendship.
    Spygirl, Nancy and greylin like this.

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