My ex's crazy new girlfriend!!

Discussion in 'Advice (Dear AE...)' started by k.l.g, Aug 8, 2017.

  1. k.l.g

    k.l.g New Member

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    So 9 months ago my ex girlfriend (Sam) of 3 and a half years, left me out of nowhere and had a new girlfriend (Shelby) in a matter of weeks and moved in together in a matter of months. To say the least I was shattered as this person was the love of my life and I was in the middle of planning to propose to her.
    I probably did the worst thing possible at the time and fought my hardest to win Sam back, but it has been some time now (around 6 months) that I have kept my distance and just moved on with my life I have even dated other people since the break up but nothing serious has come out of it.
    I have not tried to break them up or come between them in anyway as I really do want Sam to be happy and if Shelby makes her happy then thats a good thing.
    Though saying all of this Sam has not kept her distance from me, whether its been to have a go at me for whatever or when something tragic has happened in her life or just to see how I am going, Sam has contacted me numerous times even when I don't reply. Now her new girlfriend (Shelby) is trying to make out like I've been doing childish things like prank calling her (shelby) at her work and just rediculous accusations along those lines that I really don't even have the imagination for or the immaturity. Shelby has even gone to the extent of calling me off her work phone!! and then sending a picture to Sam of my mobile number to make it look like I did call Shelby's work phone. IS THIS PERSON NOT FRICKEN NUTS!!

    I never called Shelby at her work, I have never even thought about it nor do I ever think about the girl!! I've just been living my own life! Sam contacted me out of nowhere accusing me of this and I told her straight that I didn't call Shelby and she should know who I am and its very unlike me to do something so rediculous and what would I benefit at all from doing that. The conversation ended in a fight I didn't need or that I was looking for and if Sam had never contacted me about this I would have never even known about the whole situation.

    Sam and I have mutual friends and after our conversation, Sam reached out to our friend Mon. She knows that myself and Mon are close and we talk daily so she asked Mon if she knew anything about it which like myself Mon did not. She went on to tell Mon that she doesn't know who to believe as it is very unlikely behaviour for me, but Shelby is admit that I had been calling her. She then went to to tell Mon that the two of them are continuously fighting about me and she's not sure she trusts Shelby 100%.....

    I have had constant calls from a blocked number ever since and sometimes I miss them and other times I pick them up as my mother is under a private number, when I do answer the person just hangs up which leads me to believe that this nonsense is still going on.

    Im not going to lie but Sam is still very much in my heart and losing her is honestly the most painful thing I have ever experienced. Even though Sam is with Shelby and she has said that she has no feelings for me I still believe that deep down it will always be me (this may seem crazy but thats what my intuition tells me) But I am not waiting for Sam nor am I trying to get her back, I've been there and done that and its 9 months later and she's still not here so I learnt my lesson to just live my life for me.

    I guess at the end of the day it just sucks being pulled into something you've done everything to get away from!!!
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    It does suck! And so uncalled for! Anytime, I find that when some actions from another person is completely uncalled for, it is because you have something they want. So, Shelby is crazy jealous and wanted your ex to not have any fondness left for you. Amicable break is not good enough for Crayby.

    Time and distance will help hopefully. I don't know if there are ways to handle the phone calls but there's got to be a way to answer your mom's calls and ignore the rest. Axing all social media ties with your ex, in case you have any will help. It doesn't really matter what your ex feels way deep down cause it is too buried to be of anything to you, She blind sided you and then let her gf cause you problems.

    I am sorry you are going through this.
     
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  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    You're in a horrible situation, I cannot imagine how you must feel going about your daily business with this in your life, hats off to you! The good thing is by living the way you are and not back biting or reacting in a negative way to all of this. You are rising above and living in a good and truthful way. As the ex you get to be in a weird position the new gf is attacking you and you're reacting just right by not flipping out and rising to the bait. Let friends know what's going on, in a form of getting it off your mind and letting it go. Bizarrely, as much as you get annoyed by the calls etc the main problem isn't actually yours. Don't get me wrong the calls and the angry gf is a problem for you but I mean your ex has a problem gf and sadly that's for her to discover and deal with. For your own peace of mind don't get tangled up with what can only be described as a massive lesbian drama that would just be crazy gf talking absolute garbage and you'd dragged down to her level if you were to go in that direction.

    As @greylin said time and distance are going to be your best friends in this instance. Spend time with your friends, let yourself heal properly from your 3 year relationship and the affects of the shit-storm that crazy gf has created.
     
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  4. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    Shelby sounds pretty crazy. Or manipulative. Or both.

    Sadly, when someone makes false accusations against you, there isn't a ton that you can do. Most of what you can do is what you are already doing - keeping your distance and taking the high road.

    I think how Shelby is behaving gives some insight into her view of human nature. Perhaps she doesn't trust that Sam will stay with her, so she is trying to drive a 'that bridge is totally burned' wedge between you two? Or she is painting herself as a victim to distract from issues that she and Sam are facing? Or she just loves to hurt people and create drama? Who knows.

    I agree with @greylin that cutting all social media ties with your ex is a good idea. I would be careful taking @Nancy 's suggestion of telling friends what is happening. That could wind up with you telling them one side, Sam and Shelby telling the other side and much drama ensuing. You would be better off telling a few non-mutual friends - don't risk drama.

    It might help you to think about (or even write a script) of what you will say if Sam contacts you with further accusations. If she calls you and you can remain firm but calm, that may help ease the situation. Seeing you remain calm could drive home 'klg really has moved on.' Something simple and factual is probably best.

    'I was heartbroken when we broke up, but I see it was for the best. I am sorry that Shelby feels like someone is pranking her. Sadly, call ids are easy to fake, so it could be lots of people calling her. I can promise you, it is not me. I have moved on and am focusing on myself right now.'

    You get the idea. You can't argue the point that Shelby is faking the calls, because Sam isn't going to take your side. Besides, who wants to face that they screwed up badly in dumping their sweet, stable gf for a crazy drama queen?

    Honestly, if Sam moved on from you that quickly - she either cheated on you with Shelby, or had fallen out of love with you for awhile before the break up. No one goes from being really in love to a new girl in a few weeks. You really are better off without Sam, however much it all hurt.

    You sound like a caring, sweet, forgiving person. Maybe you see yourself with Sam, but I see you winding up with someone better - someone who deserves a catch like you. Keep your head up and post as much as you need.
     
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  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    To clarify I meant share how you are feeling so that you're not bottling things up. I didn't mean share idle gossip to stir things up.
     
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  6. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    @Nancy , I know you aren't the gossip and drama type. I just cautioned the op because she could have a well meaning cry on a friend's shoulder and the friend could pass along gossip.
     
    #6

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