My dates always ends with no success

Discussion in 'Advice on Meeting Women' started by ordinary_and, Apr 16, 2016.

  1. ordinary_and

    ordinary_and New Member

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    Hi ladies,

    first excuse me for my english because it is not my native language. I hope that is not issue.

    My problem is with dating women. After long time being single I started using local dating online service again.
    In one month I met 3 women in person using that website.

    I'm not even that young anymore to have this kind of problem I thought I overcome it but recently after those datings it happens again. My fear is here again. It seems that I'm not really physically atractive to women.

    First one I met in person talked with me 2 hours but didn't want to accept second date saying she is still "sad because of ex". Second one was little bit strange seems confused and finished dating really quickly. Third one I met was in relationship when we spoke online but wanted to met me but after meeting she decided to stay in relationship obviously so we are now friends (that is ok for me). I must say that I didn't send my picture to them before we met as they didn't even ask for that. I didn't see their pictures too.

    Everything is the same every time on every date - I wasn't fascinated with their looks also at first site but as we had good conversation online and over phone I would give them a chance to meet them again in person but NOBODY gives me a second chance! And I started to worry what is wrong with me.

    Then goes online meeting with forth one... and most disturbing thing for me. I had conversation online with her and I must admit she was most interesting of all women to talk with for all that time (1 month) I was on that dating service. And when I have that kind of conversation with someone I would really be ready accept less attractive physical look just because I adore her mind.

    And that woman was so funny and smart. Since I already had 3 datings and didn't show my pictures I decided to show it this time to this woman. So I did it and guess what? She stopped conversation with me. :( didn't want to show
    her pictures at all. But after few hours she comes back online and continue talk after I called her to come back and she showed me her pictures also. Now I understood why she stopped being interested in me. She is (at least on pictures) really attractive and beautiful. And she admitted that she is looking for same type. I'm smart and funny in her eyes but that is not enough for her, she admits and refuses to meet me in person. Just because of my picture.

    What can I do now? Somehow I feel that every time I show picture this will happen again. This happened before also, not just now. So I don't know what to do.

    Worst thing is that personally I believe I am not less attractive compared to those women I met. Just forth one was really more attractive compared to me. I am not overweight, have nice body, but my face is not really attractive. :(

    I even adopted advice lately to start using makeup which I refused before.

    Is this some curse or bad luck or these women are living in dreams where they meet most attractive women in
    the world at first date and love at first site is there? Why nobody gives me second chance like I give to others?
     
    #1
  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    First off, your English is fine. I had no problems understanding you.

    Second, you would be better served to put your picture up there first. Don't hold out and then show your picture, it makes what you look like too big of a deal. Just put your picture right in your profile. Then you don't wind up chatting with people for a month, only to get dropped.

    There are lots of women out there who are looking for different things. Some value looks, others sense of humor, others stability. Sure, it is easier to meet women if you are amazingly attractive. But there are lots of average looking women out there who are happy to date other average looking women.

    You have gone on a handful of dates and one woman was in a relationship, one woman was out of your league looks wise and you just didn't click with the other two. That isn't really a lot of dates, honestly. I don't think that you should get discouraged after just a handful of dates, it really isn't enough 'data' to draw any firm conclusion. Just have confidence in yourself and keep trying.
     
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  3. Emm

    Emm Well-Known Member

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    Ok...first things first...
    The three girls you saw first were
    1- not over their ex
    2- in your own words a bit strange and confused
    3- still in a relationship
    Irrespective of their physical attractiveness to you, do you honestly want to date any of these girls?

    And the fourth...is not a reflection on you, it's a reflection on her and on what she is after in a partner. One person's opinion of one photo of you doesn't sum up who you are or how attractive you are.

    Online dating is just like online job applications, you're presenting a small view of yourself, not the entire sum of your parts, and everyone has criteria of what they're looking for be it looks, intelligence, sense of humor, mutual love of tofu and cats.
    It isn't necessarily just a looks thing either...I've been attracted to a lot of good looking women who as soon as I spend some time physically talking to have something about them that I just don't see as compatible with me.

    It's hard dating online yes...and a lot of first impressions can be based on something small in your profile, be it a photo, or a hobby or something innocuous that defines you as you. I'm not by any means saying change who you are to fit someone else's ideas or change all of your info, I'm saying that in the same way you can pick and choose who attracts you, so can everyone else. And that's ok, yeah it can suck and make you question things but that's ok.

    Just be yourself, take your time with it and work out what YOU want in a future relationship or whatever it is that you're looking for.
     
    #3
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  4. ordinary_and

    ordinary_and New Member

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    Thank you Bluenote and Emm.

    Bluenote - it is not really common on this dating site to put picture on profile, most women don't do that. I know that
    it is not good practice to talk too much before seeing picture. But even I had sometimes avoided conversation with girls just because she puts picture too fast and I wasn't attracted with it and move on before I even talked to her.

    Conversation is what attracts me first then I can accept picture even less attractive. So I assumed that I need to have my presentation like that. Picture only after first initial chat.

    There are women who show picture first even not bother to add two sentences in profile or message. That is something I dislike, her attractive picture means nothing to me without conversation although I know I wouldn't have chance to compete with their pictures.

    Emm - I would probably really want to date again with first one (not over her ex). For second one I would rather want to know if she has social phobia or something. The one that is still in relationship, actually I would like to have real friendship with her and we are still in contact and I think she is fine with that.

    And for sure "the attractive" one I would like to meet her in person the most of all others not just because of her looks but she was really most interesting in conversation even before I saw pictures.
     
    #4
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2016
  5. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

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    People have all kinds of criteria, and some of them will seem unreasonable, unfair, or be different from yours. A lot of people wouldn't give me a second look (or a first) because I'm not skinny, I'm opinionated, I'm nerdy, and my career doesn't pay very well; the big one here is my weight. It seems terribly, terribly unfair to me and the people who know me, because I know that I'm great, smart, kind, in good health, and have curves in all the right places. Nonetheless, there are LOTS of women (and men) who would discount me as a potential partner because of my body size.

    So, that hurts my feelings. BUT it's also fine! I would rather people pass on me before I'm invested in them, causing minor discouragement, than treat me like crap/manipulate me into an eating disorder/break my heart by dumping me down the line for the same reason. If your date #4 needs you to be conventionally attractive, then chances if she somehow agreed to more dates against her instincts, she would take that desire out on you in hurtful little ways - recommending that you change how you dress/groom/make up, making beauty & the beast jokes (I had a friend whose awful girlfriend did this!), etc. Better that you know that about her now. You want a partner who sees you and all your potential flaws and says, "Fine by me! Let's do this."

    Different people are ultimately bothered by different things, and a successful relationship means that you can both stand each other's gaps/weak points (because there isn't a person alive who doesn't have imperfections). Those things might be physical, political, emotional, professional... and the whole point of dating is to figure out whether the precise combination their dealbreakers and your flaws (and their flaws and your dealbreakers!) mean you match up or miss out.

    Four dates is not that many dates, when you think of how very very many criteria you and your potential partners have and how unlikely it is that they would line up. I had a coworker who went on that many dates every WEEK for months and months before 1-2 of them turned into relationships. He had the attitude of "I go out for a drink and have a nice conversation, and that's a good enough way to spend my time" without needing each one to turn into something. (Dude is married and expecting a baby with date #1349 right now). So think of this like an adventure - a hilarious, fun, varied way to spend time with lots of people.
     
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  6. ordinary_and

    ordinary_and New Member

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    I understand how you feel, thank you for your honest story. I would not have anything against more dates but problem is that in my place there is not much possibilities to find gay women.



     
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