My crush on my friend and the co-worker crushing on me

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by PurpleRose, Jul 1, 2016.

  1. PurpleRose

    PurpleRose New Member

    Jul 1, 2016
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    So I've recently started to accept that I like women and decided that I need to come out. I have two situations with two really good friends. One of my friends has been in my immediate circle of friends since high school and I've had a crush on her since then, the other is a co-worker that I also hang out with but they don't know each other. I confided in my co-worker that I have a crush on my friend and told her that I think my friend might be into me because lately when we go out she's been very clingy to me and let's me be very touchy with her, she'll hold my hand and let me put my arms around her waist. So far I've only told my co-worker and I haven't told my crush because I'm afraid I'm wrong since all of this usually happens when we're out dancing and drinking. My co-worker suggested coming out to my friend but not telling her I'm into her yet which I think I'm ok with. But ever since I've had this conversation with my co-worker she's been acting strange and it's acting lie she's into me. She's texting me more than usual, stares at me at work, gets mad when I eat lunch with someone else at work, and seems to be acting pretty possessive of me in general. She's told me that she finds me attractive all of a sudden and is making me pretty uncomfortable. She's a lot older than me and is married with kids. I've already told her she's acting weird but nothing's changed. So I guess I'm asking how to come out to my friend and if I should mention my crush on her and how to talk to my co-worker about the way she's acting since I came out to her.
  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    I once read an advice that women should be careful about coming out at work because straight women may start acting flirty and touchy for a sense of excitement and living vicariously through the gay co-worker. I find that to be true, and even though I see that behavior as sexual harassment, I think women do that type of flirting because they felt it harmless and less threatening than flirting than a man. Your co-worker probably feels comfortable flirting with you and also showing you that she is very the modern and open-minded person, you see and expects you to not reciprocate because she is comfortably and safely married so nothing would come of it anyway. I usually like telling people not to do something when I feel uncomfortable with it unless I find a better way to deflect it and discourage it from happening again. I would say in such a way when she talks about being attracted to you, and you can say, "That's flattering, but we are friends, so it is also awkward for me to hear." Also, women get jealous, even if they are only friends. To see if she is a true friend or not, you only need to figure out if she curbs uncomfortable behavior when you ask her to. Just don't be touchy and feely back and be very discouraging on it when she does, it is work, you know.

    As far as your crush. Ask her to go out with you alone, without the drinking and stuff and see how you like her in a normal setting. See if you really have a connection before doing anything else.
    wonderlust likes this.
  3. wonderlust

    wonderlust Well-Known Member

    Jul 20, 2014
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    I think Greylin is on to something here already so I'm basically just seconding it. :) To add, imo, just be a bit vigilant in buffering your friend at work-- and if all else fails, then unfortunately you'd have to be direct, not just "you're acting weird" but more like, dude, I'm gay but I have boundaries, you're crossing it and not too comfortable about it. Okay, maybe not in that tone but somewhere along those lines.

    As for the crush, definitely ask her to hangout and just see if her actions would still be consistent.
    greylin likes this.

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