My best friends

Discussion in 'Coming Out' started by JessDon, Nov 19, 2015.

  1. JessDon

    JessDon Member

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    So I've been infatuated with my best pal since we met last year. All's good, we had the typical romantic friendship, kissed cuddled, but never anything further. Both of us were in the closet, until a few months ago she slept with a girl and came out. Long story short, they're still together three months on. I was absolutely heartbroken at the time and was already on holiday for two weeks, so I couldn't even tell her and it was too far gone to mention when I got back.

    I'm still kind of closeted, much less than I was three months ago. My new flat mates, new uni friends and very old school friends know, although I want to meet a girl before labelling myself officially. So I confided in an old friend who'd known for years. As she didn't know this girl who I had a crush on and I knew they'd never meet, I went into lots and lots of detail about my feelings towards her and how upset I was. Like an embarrassing amount of detail!

    Here's the tricky part, three months down the line I'm completely over it, I'm happy that she's happy if anything. But, our mutual best friend (I'm not out to either of them) read these texts from my iPad last week. She's not brought it up with me yet, but I'm terrified it's going to get back to her (if it hasn't already). We still kind of have the romantic relationship traits going on (not nearly as intense as before), but that intimacy, or even just her friendship is something I really couldn't face loosing.

    What do I do? I'm seeing the girl that read it tomorrow, and then we're seeing my ex-crush a little later in the day. I'm unbelievably nervous!
     
    #1
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2015
  2. Queen

    Queen Member

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    Someone read your personal stuff on your ipad and you're nervous, seems like the person who invaded your privacy needs to be nervous... and apologetic in the extreme.
     
    #2
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  3. JessDon

    JessDon Member

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    No, I completely agree! It's not like she went hunting for anything juicy though, more of a 'I'm bored lets just have a play' thing. Usually I wouldn't mind at all, I never have much to hide really. I thought I'd deleted all traces of these messages, but I forgot about my iPad iMessage as I never really use it. In my eyes what's done is done and she knows what she knows accidentally, I don't know if I should really blame her?

    To be fair, I don't think it came as a big shock to her. She knows how jealous I've been of the couple over recent weeks and how mardy the slightest things have got me. She's said the odd comment like '… just because Claire's got a new girlfriend' or 'you need to start going out again, stop moping about Claire', but jokingly. I chalked it up to my being needy/ difficult around her. I'm not emotional at all, ever, so it's more the embarrassment factor of how much detail I went into. Whether she knew I liked her before or not, she definitely didn't know just how much.

    I love her dearly. It's just that both her and her boyfriend have pretty large mouths and this will be the first time I'll be seeing them since. We've texted over the course of the week and all seemed well, but I had a funny conversation with my ex-crush earlier. She mentioned how this much older lady we're meeting on Sunday would make a good girlfriend for me (or something along those lines). I just thought it was an odd comment to make considering we're meeting purely for work related purposes (how I originally met her), we've both never met her before, and that we were only discussing where we were meeting? And I know that they both were talking last night.

    I couldn't really ask questions or probe her because we were both at work, but I just thought that it was a peculiar thing to just mention in passing, and the fact I'm meeting this woman for a similar reason I met her kind of felt like a dig or hint? Maybe I'm just overthinking the whole thing and it was just an innocent comment? I don't know whether I should bring it up to her tomorrow (the girl who read the texts), or whether I should just let it slip under the radar until it gets brought up, if it ever does? I can't even know for sure that she did read it, so can't bring it up too obviously, although I'm pretty sure she did.
     
    #3
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2015
  4. JessDon

    JessDon Member

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    Update: all went well, nothing was brought up or even hinted at and Claire was even more affectionate than usual (I put it down to me being less tactile, I kept at arms length incase she knew and it made her feel uncomfortable). As far as I'm aware she's not told her, I was just fretting over nothing, I need to trust people more.

    And if she does know, it's not changed anything anyway?
     
    #4
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  5. JessDon

    JessDon Member

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    Update: I'M FINALLY OUT AND IT FEELS INCREDIBLE! I've been battling with my sexuality since I was eight years old, and thirteen years later I've finally had the balls to tell the people closest to me, and while sober. I honestly was convinced I was going to live a closeted life for a very long time. Keeping it inside was taking its toll on me.

    It got brought up a few weeks before Christmas. I went out with Hannah (who read the texts) and another flatmate of ours. Han was drunk and trying to get over her now ex-boyfriend, I was relatively sober and just wanted to go home because Claire had let herself in and was waiting for us with pizza in hand. I don't see her as often as I like anymore so I guess I jump at every opportunity. I was texting Claire telling her that I really wanted to join but I didn't know how I was going to get away, so she texted them both telling them that I wasn't feeling it and was going to head home while she was there but I didn't like to say. She read this while our pal was in the toilet, then went on to ask if I was in love with Claire and if I was into girls and how shit I must feel now the person I'd usually spend 24/7 with has filled her time with someone else. This hit like a ton of bricks, it was so unexpected, I was ridiculously unprepared. I definitely wanted to tell her but I wasn't nearly drunk enough to say everything I wanted to, not to mention there wasn't enough time as our other friend was due back any minute. So I denied everything saying willy was my thing (bs), only agreeing that I missed Claire like crazy but I was happy for her and I find girls attractive.

    Fast forward to just last week, nothing had been mentioned since. Everybody was home for Christmas, I spent it in Ireland with family I hadn't seen in yonks and brought an old friend along with me. I've known Lauren thirteen years and she got on with my family like a house on fire. She's known about my closet life for a while, and although she has a boyfriend and is in a very happy relationship, she has questioned her sexuality before while we've had conversations about mine. Over the week, we'd joke about sparking lesbian rumors between the relatives by being so inseparable while we were there, but I laughed and said that they've got to find out sooner or later anyway.

    Everything went swimmingly until something very unexpected happened on the last night. We got very drunk, one thing led to another and we ended up in bed together. Neither of us can recall exactly how it happened, and we've not really discussed it at all since, but nothing's altered between us regardless. The following couple of days I gradually came out to people I hadn't already told and I haven't had a bad reaction yet, I don't know what I was so afraid of. I've never had feelings for her and I still don't, but I'm so glad that the person that gave me the confidence to come out is someone that's seen me through since day one. Probably not the ideal first girl scenario, but I guess it worked out for the best? I do kind of feel guilty on behalf of her boyfriend if I'm honest, though.
     
    #5
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2016
    Queen likes this.
  6. rainydaze

    rainydaze Well-Known Member

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    Good for you that you are Out and feel Incredible! Cheers! and Welcome! It is much Sunny-er outside of a dark closet ;)
     
    #6
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