My Best Friend Started Smoking. What do I do?

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by smiles4miles, Jun 16, 2014.

  1. smiles4miles

    smiles4miles Active Member

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    I'm having a lot of trouble with my best friend and I am hoping the AfterEllen community could help me out here because I am at such a loss. I have no clue what the right thing to do is.

    I've had an amazing best friend for the past 6 years. I love her with all my heart. I recently found out through another friend that she's been smoking cigarettes for awhile (I don't know how long). I knew that she drank and smoked pot, and though those things bothered me greatly because she does them so excessively, I let them go. But cigarettes are unbearable for me. I don't feel like I can just let that one go. I feel like it's one too many bad habits that she has fallen into.

    It kills me that she is doing these things and damaging herself so much. She's not stupid, she knows how bad these things are for her and she does them anyway. And I can't figure out why I had to find out from someone else how bad it was getting. Maybe because I don't smoke or drink, she doesn't want to tell me those things. I feel like she will never tell me completely what she does. I hate that she's leading this secret life of drugs and alcohol that I probably don't even know half about how intense it is.

    So what do I do? Should I tell her how I feel about what she is doing? I worry about doing that because I don't know if it's my place as a friend to talk to her about that. I worry I'll sound too much like a mom. Also, she can get angry really easily and it might piss her off. If I don't tell her, then how do I deal with what she's doing? Do I just sit back and let her smoke cigarettes and do drugs and all? I worry about that too because I don't want these bad habits (that are probably addictions at this point) to go too far. I just want her to get better and don't know what I can do as a friend to help.

    Please tell me what the right things to do is because I'm really concerned about her and only want to do what's best for her.
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Re: My Best Friend Started Smoking. What do I...

    You can't control what your friend does. The most effective pitch is one single well hit pitch. You can say, I want you to live forever because I love you and this scares me and that's all I will say about it. If she smokes around you, step away because you don't want that stuff in your lungs either. Otherwise, nothing will really help unless she decides to quit. It would be cool if she can talk to you about it if she ever does and could use your support.

    If only people would do all the best things for themselves, right? But hey, just giving her your best pitch (and not making it sound like a lecture) will be the best thing you can do and hopefully you can let those thoughts rattle in her noggin when she most needs it.
     
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  3. carabella

    carabella Well-Known Member

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    Re: My Best Friend Started Smoking. What do I...

    To be honest, it's awesome that you care about her so much, but you're over-reacting. The impression I get is that you're quite young. There are a lot worse things in this world than someone who smokes, and as a smoker I'll give you a top tip - don't tell her how much it irritates you, she will not like you for it. Sad, but true. She'll get through whatever is going on, but truth be told, some ppl genuinely enjoy a smoke, the same way some ppl enjoy a slice or 12 of cake, or a few gambles on a pokie, a go at the lottery, 5 hours on Buzzfeed. This world is full of addictions!
     
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  4. tlowe

    tlowe Active Member

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    Re: My Best Friend Started Smoking. What do I...

    Hi,i agree with the other replies and it is great that you are concerned about your best friend and you do need to tell her how you feel about her smoking in a LOVING TONE without judging her so that she will hopefully not get pissed at you easily.

    My mom smoked for 40 years and is now living with only one lung. She knew smoking was bad for her and she finally quit when her life was in danger, yet I never harped on her smoking because she knew what her consequences could be. I spent more time enjoying her instead of focusing on her smoking habits.

    You say this is your best friend right? Talk to her and then let it go and enjoy her for who she is. Life is too short to allow something like smoking to get in the way of your friendship with her
    If you absolutely cannot handle that she smokes, maybe it's time for you to step back a little while until you can tolerate her smoking.
     
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