Mixed Signals

Discussion in 'Coming Out' started by chatelaine, Dec 14, 2014.

  1. chatelaine

    chatelaine New Member

    Dec 14, 2014
    Likes Received:
    I am tired of sending out mixed signals...I hate being this dishonest...I just cannot afford being honest. At least, not at this point. Not to mention the Catholic guilt. Good Lord.
    I love her. She loves HER. But, she is compassionate, professional and kind enough to stay on the sidelines, but involved, nevertheless.
    She KNOWS I have been struggling. She knows, she has been the TRIGGER factor.
    I just wish I could tell her, she is NOT responsible for it.
    I have been the RUDEST person on Earth, when trying to avoid her.
    In return, she has killed me with KINDNESS...
    I give up.
    Heteronormativity has won this battle.
    There's is a CHILD who is madly in love with his father.
    I cannot bring HIS world to an end.
    Not because of me.
    Not because of her...or anyone else.
  2. Moses

    Moses Well-Known Member

    Jul 11, 2013
    Likes Received:
    I'm sorry you are in this place. There is no pretty way out of it; every option u could choose is going to b hard. If ur going to have to live through a difficult time, you might as well choose an option where ur happiness is the pay off at the end of that road. It makes it worth it. So, fight to come out instead of fighting to stay in.

    I would fight for love too, in ur shoes...but I don't walk in them, you do and it seems ur belief in what u think is right is conflicting with the path life has chosen for u. That is ur rope to untangle yourself.

    A change of perspective might help though. Beliefs are not facts, they are strongly held opinions. Examine them and see if ur holding onto them out of habit or genuine conviction. A black and white attitude is great in theory: right and wrong/good and bad...but the road to happiness is often far more nuanced that that for some. Sorry you are in the place you are. Have courage and b gentle with yourself. Let go a little if u can at all.
    Spygirl, Emm and Nancy like this.
  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

    Jul 2, 2013
    Likes Received:

    This my fellow AErs is why I think Moses is awesome, beautifully written advice. No more for me to add.

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