Mixed messages might spell end of friendship

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by BeckyFair, Sep 11, 2016.

  1. BeckyFair

    BeckyFair New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2016
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    2
    Hi all,

    This is my first post and I would really appreciate some advice.

    I met up with an old friend a couple of months ago. We were at college together and I have to admit I had a crush on her at the time, but she is straight and so I pushed my feelings to the side so as not to affect our friendship.

    We met up for drinks as she's moved to the same city as me and we had a great as friends.

    Anyway we met up a few more times and continued to get on really well, again as friends. She was flirtious, but that's just her personality, she flirts with everyone.

    Moving on a couple of weeks I had an incredibly painful break up with my long term girlfriend (I won't go into details, but I mean horrible). This friend was initially very supportive as were other friends.

    Here's the problem. We met for a meal a few days after the break up happened and she was flirting way more than usual. Since then she will send me a message to come out probably every other day. She will often give very little notice and if I can't make it, she gets annoyed with me and asks why I'm avoiding her.

    Like I said the break up was very painful and I feel incredibly vulnerable. I care for very much this friend, but the increased level of flirting and moodiness when I'm not always free is too much for me to deal with at the moment. I've tried to create a bit of distance, but as you can imagine, that leads to more questions like, "Are you avoiding me?"

    I would like to have a conversation with her to explain that's what she's doing at the moment isn't helping me and frankly just messing with my head, but don't have a clue how to go about it.

    Please help X
     
    #1
  2. alphabet

    alphabet Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2014
    Messages:
    46
    Likes Received:
    22
    If you need to set boundaries with your friend you should do so in a kind way. I think what you wrote here would be a good start. You can say a version of what I am reading now that the breakup was painful and you feel vulnerable and you can name what you need for now. "I need x".

    If you already know she is straight and kinda a flirt than you need to also make that clear. Creating distance can be good, but it's helpful to talk about it with the other person since sometimes it leads to more confusion. Saying you need time for yourself because of a recent breakup is understandable and if she is your friend she should understand. If you think her flirty personality is confusing you than you should clarify what that means. It's okay to say "hey when you touch my arm...I feel confused." etc.

    Just speak from the heart and use "I" statements. Good luck.
     
    #2
    greylin and BeckyFair like this.
  3. BeckyFair

    BeckyFair New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2016
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    2
    Thank you, that's fantastic advice! We are going to meet up in the week and I have mind exactly what I'm going to say. I do believe that deep down she will understand and that our friendship will be fine.
     
    #3

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice