Meaningful relationships. Not just sex?

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Dalo, Nov 25, 2013.

  1. Dalo

    Dalo Well-Known Member

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    Okay, for starters, I don't have that much of a hard time meeting or approaching women. I generally just assume all the women I meet are gay. haha Crazy, but it works. I got out of a relationship (my first) about a year ago. I was very inexperienced, hadn't really dated before her and we ended things on a bad note. Anyways, after that, I sort of went on a crazy dating/fucking spree. (Somewhat unintentional)

    After all this, I've started to really fancy the idea of a relationship again. My problem now is - I think I've gotten so used to just working my way into a woman's pants rather than conveying a deeper want for a relationship. How do I fix this? How do I effectively send the message that I want more than sex and a meaningful relationship? I've been trying really hard to wait out on sex longer, and really get to know a girl first, but that's increasingly difficult haha. I'm a big flirt, so that doesn't help things. How best can I come across as friendly/sexual in a way that doesn't suggest I have ONLY sexual things to offer?

    ***How best would YOU like to be approached for a relationship?***
     
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  2. Moses

    Moses Well-Known Member

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    Am...well, in one way, I guess you won't have that hard a job as if a girl likes you, she will prob want to believe that you'll put aside your flygirl ways for her. Unless she sees player written on you forehead and won't give you a chance? If that's the case, well I guess what you say makes a difference. How you treat her, the questions you ask, which show a curiosity about mind as well as body. Also perhaps, be prepared to discuss your player persona (or whatever you would call it) with her and explain it in a way so she feels able to trust you is is not undermined by how other girls respond to you. So when a girl drapes herself all over you in line for the restroom or whatever, have an open dialogue space which gives you the opportunity to diffuse how she might feel about that etc.

    Flirting is cool, but if u want a girl to take u seriously, I guess don't flirt with other people for a bit. I say 'for a bit' as natural flirts would find it next to near impossible not to flirt at all. Be a bit softer, be a bit more serious, be a bit more romantic...Tell her to wait. haha. That was a strange one for me to learn when I was a young 'un. The concept of 'waiting' to 'put out' or waiting until it was more meaningful, not just f**king. But that's a pretty serious signal I reckon. Saying you want to wait to make it 'special'. Laughing while saying this will prob ruin the moment, so keep a straight face.

    The main thing really is that you take responsibility for yourself and your words/actions. People will read you based on these things, and if you want something different now, well your actions should reflect that. So the question you should be asking really is not how best would we want to be approached for a relationship, it's 'how best do you behave when you really like a girl?' Cause if you wanna relationship with someone, it's prob gonna be a little more than a hot body that attracts you, you are prob gonna have to really like her as a person too, and when you meet someone u really like, you'll prob know what to do, and if she is the right girl, she will prob make it easy for you to be that person.
     
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  3. Dalo

    Dalo Well-Known Member

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    Thank you very much Moses. It was so insightful reading your post. Pure wisdom!
     
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  4. YOLO

    YOLO Member

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    Sexual attraction is a good start to knowing your compatible in one area, just expand to other areas once your work out the tension. Glass of wine and pillow talk, ask open ended questions, and engage in getting to know her without coming on too strong. Good luck!
     
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  5. Brandy Alexander

    Brandy Alexander Well-Known Member

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    My problem now is - I think I've gotten so used to just working my way into a woman's pants rather than conveying a deeper want for a relationship.

    Gauging by your own words, I think you need to sit down and write out a list of wants and/or needs you have in regards to a future partner. Define exactly what you would like in a partner. Also, define any "deal breakers" such as say for example; you're a huge carnivore and you meet a vegan or vice-versa is this something you are able to life with? Now keep in mind, this is just a working list and you may deviate from it at any time, however, it may give you the opportunity to actually use your mind instead of your libido when you meet a girl.

    Another option would be to set a minimum amount of time and/or dates before you engage in sexual activity. Also, possibly set, for lack of better terms, a pace for those activities such as only rounding second base for a while. Thus, forcing you to talk and get to know this girl first. No two people can develop a relationship or maintain a healthy relationship based on sex alone.

    A third option would be don't put yourself in a position to have sexual relations with another girl. If you meet in public and don't move to a private area you will be forced to talk and get to know her. Communication is key to getting to know someone both verbally and physically. Physical compatibility is important, however, you will know if you're physically attracted to her so just put that exploration on hold. Force yourself to concentrate on verbal communication and getting to know a girl mentally first.

    Good Luck
     
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