Man I am so confused

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by p_ea_chy, Feb 25, 2018.

  1. p_ea_chy

    p_ea_chy New Member

    Feb 25, 2018
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    Hey all!
    This forum stuff is completely new to me, but since I have discovered new levels of confusion with this new crush I've developed, I thought it was worth a try reaching out to some people in an attempt to figure it out.

    Essentially, I met this girl in school, and we became friends really quickly. On my end, things were pretty platonic for the most part until about the beginning of the year. It became pretty apparent to me that I was getting feelings for her, and ever since I've been completely lost about whether she's interested.

    As far as her orientation, I think she's bi, because she's talked to me about liking guys before. The reason I would think she's interested in any girls (besides her being flirty with me of course) is because when I saw a girl ask for her number once, the reason that she didn't ever follow through with her was because she was being weird, and never because she was straight. That never even came up. Which leads me to believe she's at least open to dating girls, at least that's what I think.

    As of the past month or so, we've been seeing each other almost every day at school and after school for an extracurricular. But recently, on the days we don't see each other for a meeting or a class, she will visit me during lunch to check in and say hello to me for no particular purpose, or for something that she could have easy texted me about. When we talk, she laughs at every joke I make no matter how dumb, and often lightly pats my hand, shoulder, or leg, depending on the situation. When we sit she leans slightly towards me (??) and sometimes she'll even put her head on my shoulder. From what my friends say about us together, we're pretty flirtatious, but my doubtfulness is telling me that's them being biased. I also know that it could very well be her just being that type of friend and it not meaning anything.

    The other day, we ended up spending over 5 hours staying at school for the sole purpose of talking to each other, and I learned a lot about her inner thoughts and feelings, and overall she opened up a lot to me to degrees that I don't know about most of my other friends that I've known for years. She asked me if I wanted to go to get coffee before we left that night right before I left, which of course I accepted. But when the day we planned rolled around, something came up and someone else had to come with us. She turned to me and said, "It's okay, you and I can still go on a real.. thing sometime. Without a work purpose and stuff." Which again, I literally cannot tell for the life of me what that means. Yesterday she asked me if I wanted to go get dinner after our meeting, and while we were there she offered to walk me to my bus stop (which she does every time we hang out) and after I thanked for for being considerate and stuff, she tells me, "You're my gf" with a pause while I choked and then "good friend! You're my good friend." I have spent the last 24 hours ripping my hair out wondering if the second part was literally just a part of the joke, if it was a test to see how I would respond, or god knows what. This kind of stuff seems to be happening a lot more recently and I am just so confused.

    To sum it up, I got a friend that I want to find out if she is interested in me and how I might go about finding out or trying to incite something without making things super awkward or embarrassing! Let me know if I made absolutely no sense at some parts, because I definitely feel like that happened.
  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    I get why someone doesn't always know a woman's intentions. We are so multi-faceted in our reach for connections. I think at this point, it is okay for you to ask her for a date. Tell her you want to take her to this special place you take all the girls (just kidding, LOL don't say that). Tell her you want to get to know her better and be alone with her because she is amazing and it makes you feel amazing when you are together. Bring a small gift. Something you know that is related to stuff she is interested in or something that symbolized a special thing about her. Notice her.
  3. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

    Jul 18, 2013
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    "Hey, I think you're the cat's pajamas, and I've really enjoyed spending time with you. I would like to see if our friendship has the potential to be something more! If you are not interested, then I am really happy to keep being your good friend. Are you interested in a date?"

    The way to make this not confusing is to take out the realms of plausibly deniable flirting and into reality. It might be awkward or embarrassing, but so will moving in for a kiss without confirmation! So will reading smoke signals wrong! So will trying to second guess every damn thing she does or says!

    And adults who handle this with grace are the kind you either want to date or keep being friends with. I promise, I've had this conversation with more than one of my friends, and we are still friends, and I love them even more for their honesty/response to my honesty.

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