Losing My Virginity With a Woman

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by smiles4miles, Oct 26, 2014.

  1. smiles4miles

    smiles4miles Active Member

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    I hate to be the person who needs to ask this question, but I am SO inexperienced and I am completely new to the whole lesbian/bisexual dating scene. Now that I'm in college and about to start dating people, I wanted to know: what counts as losing your virginity when you're with a woman? I know very little about lesbian sex and want to know more. I just don't know how or have anyone I could talk to. That's why I wanted to post on here. I just don't want to risk being put in a situation with a girl and not knowing what the hell I should do, what she's doing, etc. So please, any advice or explanation on this topic is greatly appreciated. Thanks so much!
     
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  2. daydreamer33

    daydreamer33 Active Member

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    Many people define virginity (or the loss of it) in different ways. You will meet some people who believe that a woman who has only had sex with women is still a virgin because a man's penis hasn't penetrated her vagina. In my opinion these people are very close minded. This idea suggests that sex is all about men, and is a very misogynistic view. You can define sex in any way you like. For me personally, it counts as sex if both people are getting turned on and (hopefully) reaching orgasm. I hope this helps you. Make sure you feel comfortable and are communicating with any sexual partners you have. It should feel exciting, but not too scary. Remember you are supposed to be enjoying sex! If you aren't enjoying yourself take a step back and figure out why.
     
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  3. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

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    If you think you had sex, you had sex.

    That's pretty much it. Did it feel intimate? Did you feel pleasure? Did you give someone pleasure? Did your hands/fingers/hips/breasts/body/lips/tongue/lady parts (and/or toys) interact with anybody else's any-of-the-above? You make the rules - your body, your sex life, your virginity.

    If you think you're going to be sleeping with some and don't know what the hell she's doing or what she expects you to do, ask her. That is the clearest way to get your answers, because despite over a decade of having sex with women, I'm a stranger on the internet who's never slept with the women you're going to. You shouldn't be having sex with someone you can't talk about sex and consent with - because if you're embarrassed to have the conversation, imagine how much more embarrassed you'll be without your pants on. Anyone interested in you isn't going to show you the door because you say, "hey, I'd like to chat before we go any further," and if they do, you don't want to sleep with them anyway.

    Lesbian sex, like all sex, is about mutual pleasure and consent (if it's good). If you are intimate with another woman, talk to her about what she likes, experiment with kisses and caresses and touches, tell her what you like, tell her what you might like but have never tried. Pay attention to her body, her breathing, what she says - she'll show you what she likes, and you'll have the opportunity to refine your technique. Let her know what you like and want to explore more of, because everybody and every body is different. And just as much, let her know when you need to stop, or what doesn't feel good, because - again for emphasis - everybody and every body is different.

    And good lord, don't let anybody tell you that sleeping with a woman isn't real sex, or isn't sex if it doesn't include penetration, or that lesbian sex is "always safe." And if you need more technical advice, read a book (said without snark; you'd be surprised what actual legit resources you get by googling "lesbian sex book.")
     
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    Thatbeautifulartist and Nancy like this.
  4. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    I guess it depends on why you are asking?

    Virginity, after all, is just a label. The world isn't quite so black and white - virgin / non virgin.

    If your concern is wanting to be experienced, feeling like you know what you are doing in bed - having sex once doesn't do that.

    Experience comes with time. Don't rush into sex just to check off the virginity box. And don't rush into sex if you're younger. Wait until you're mature enough to handle it. And wait until you are with someone you trust and care about. Don't let societal expectations about 'being a stud,' or whatever, push you into something bad for you.

    Sex is as much about communication and trust as it is about any physical 'technique.' I agree with the poster above, you can get some info from a credible book. But the communication thing just comes with experience.

    If your concern is 'I won't be 100% sure I'm gay until I've done the deed with a woman.' Well, in that case, I think sex would count as anything that got you really turned on and confirmed 'yeah, I'm crazy about women.'
     
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