Looking for somewhere to fit in! UK

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by Ferdy, May 30, 2015.

  1. Ferdy

    Ferdy Member

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    Hello all! Well, I've been lurking and you all seem like a very nice bunch of people, so here goes! I'm looking for friends and sympathetic chats - my recent life experiences have seemed completely off the wall, but I suspect my situation is nothing like unique!
    I'm in my 30s, children, happily married for 16!! years. Known since teens that I'm at least ambivalent about gender in my attractions, but after a bad experience with a girl dated only boys (apart from some women's football-related dalliances :) ) with limited success at uni, where I met The One... actually since then it's been more apparent that I was never going to be that successful with men, and my husband is a bit of an anomaly :p He did know at the time that I was also into women, although never having discussed it since early days he may well have filed it away as a lesbian until graduation type thing - it would come as a huge surprise if I started discussing it. Some friends are aware, and I'm comfortable with that, but I'm basically not out.
    So although happy at home, I've been feeling more and more that there is a huge unexplored side to me, and things came to a head when a sudden and intense friendship became more than a little passionate. She is definitely straight, unfortunately for me, but it left me feeling that I have decisions to make (there was subsequent occasional snogging with another, bi, lovely, definitely unavailable and entirely inappropriate...)
    The way I'm feeling now is that while I'd love to have a more than friends kind of adventure, I don't really want an affair, and I don't want to put myself out there. I really don't want to rock the boat. I've got to think of my family life. But I do want to start accepting myself as I am, and stepping into this world where I know there are more like me. So before I make those real life decisions, it would be great to hang out a bit :)
    I don't think the above sounds all that great - reads somewhat of a greedy bisexual!? :-D tbh looking back on my experiences I don't think there is any kind of flame there for men at all, but I happen to love my husband ?! What confusion... Anyway, dispensing with labels... Please be kind, and looking forward to getting to know you a lot better!
     
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  2. emsy

    emsy New Member

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    Hello!

    When I read your text it was almost like i read about myself. I am also in my 30s, living with my boyfriend. We have been together 5 years now. Don´t have any children yet. I love him but i am bisexual and it´s just hard sometimes. I feel like you that I don´t either want to have an affair and I don´t want to hurt my boyfriend I just want someone to talk to and discuss things with :) Maybe we can talk sometime!
     
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  3. Ferdy

    Ferdy Member

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    Hey, sorry for the late reply. It would be good to chat yeah! Where are you based?
     
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  4. Ferdy

    Ferdy Member

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    Just an update... Since listing the introduction above, which has been my only public post on this forum, I've been chatting to some amazing women on this site. It's really helped me to firstly come out TO MYSELF which I realised to my astonishment was what I'd neglected to do all these years. But also, the other day I came out to my husband. I couldn't have asked for more from him, he was absolutely amazing. I'll put this whole story under coming out some time,but for now things are great. I definitely did the right thing coming here to find women to talk to, have perhaps made a few friends in the process, and I've begun to be comfortable with who I am and expressing my identity. I can't believe it's only been six weeks since I joined so much has happened. Life is joy!
     
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  5. emsy

    emsy New Member

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    Hi again

    Great to read that your latest thread and that you have come to terms with a lot of your problems...looking forward to reading your coming out story!

    I´m based in Sweden.
     
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  6. Ferdy

    Ferdy Member

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    Sweden is awesome. I've only visited once but I love it. And Denmark (sorry :))
    Look under Coming Out for the long thread... :)
     
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