Long-distance relationship

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by galwaygiggler, Oct 3, 2013.

  1. galwaygiggler

    galwaygiggler New Member

    Oct 3, 2013
    Likes Received:
    I feel like a tool, so I'm looking for some advice.

    I met my current girlfriend while I was with someone else (a guy). She and I became friends and we realised a few months that we had feelings for each other and we kissed. I took this in my stride, she freaked out; neither of us had had a girlfriend before. I had dated guys and been in long-term relationships and she was never very pushed by the whole dating/relationship thing, but had always considered herself straight. I ended my relationship, not solely for her, it had been on the rocks anyway and two weeks after the kiss, and several "yes, we will"/"no, we won't" conversations, we decided to give it a go.

    Two and a half years later, we're still very happy together.

    But, "together" isn't really the case. I've recently had to move abroad for a year, and although we discussed the possibility of her coming too, she has stayed behind for work and college reasons. We love each other very much and we can both see a future with each other, so we decided to stay together, in a long-distance relationship. We're passed the most difficult stage and we keep in touch, text regularly and Skype maybe twice a week.

    However, the lack of physical closeness is beginning to get to me. Maybe I'm just being selfish, but is it wrong for me to want to suggest an open relationship while we're in separate countries? I'm not sure how she'll react if I bring it up.
  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
    Likes Received:
    Imagine your gf in another country going out for the first time with someone else. Imagine her out for a few hours and you are wondering if she is going to be back and she doesn't text you to tell you how it went. Imagine you don't hear from her until the next day when she finally calls and you have to drag the details about the date out of her.

    If your reaction to my imaginary scenario is that you are hooting it up for your gf and cheering her on for getting lucky, then you are probably a good candidate for an open relationship. If instead, you have shades of ambivalence about it, then I would suggest that you research how open relationships work and see if it is really for you before you try to bring your gf on board. Taking on a change in the relationship is a lot of work and if you are in another country and another time zone, it is a lot more difficult. It is better that you suggest it than go and cheat on her because you can't help it. However, unless you both are open to the idea and enjoy the each other that way, be prepared that she is not going to take it all that well.

    If you are going to ask, I would ask close to a time of visit and let her think about it. But don't open the relationship until you had visited her in person and worked out an agreement.

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