Lesbian VS. Gay Scene

Discussion in 'Advice on Meeting Women' started by kim_katie, Apr 30, 2018.

  1. kim_katie

    kim_katie New Member

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    My goal is to make the lesbian scene as active as the gay male scene by 2020.

    I've already been in contact with "popular" lgbt women and have the support of a good amount of lgbt women (I play rugby-- hidden ground for lgbt women) but
    we need your help.

    There are more lgbt women than there are lgbt men and according to some statistics,
    gay women make as much as gay men.

    So...

    Why do YOU think LGBT women bars keep going out of business?
    While LGBT men bars thrive?

    You want a place to meet other women yes?

    Well help us help you guys :)

    As a lesbian myself, I'm dedicated to making lesbian dating and friendships easier.
    But as I said, I need your help.
     
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  2. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    Ok, I'll bite. This is a noble -- and grand -- gesture. But, I think you make some blanket assumptions which may or may not be true.

    For example, the nightclub scene as a whole isn't what it used to be...people, regardless of their identities, don't go out like they used to, so the nightclub/bar scene as a whole is suffering in this age of tinder, the internet, and millennials not wanting to go out. A Baltimore club -- an institution really -- that was around for more than 30 years which was a gay club but also had many lesbian events (and a lot of lesbian women went there) -- shut down not only because the owner retired but because the business just wasn't what it once was. It's now a CVS. I'm not THAT old but back in the day, there were many choices of bars for LGBT women (and I've been to places in DC, Philly, New York, and Boston to name a few...clubs like the Hung Jury, Meow Mix, etc. which have all come and gone). When people actually used to communicate face to face and not through the internet and texting, going out to LGBT clubs was a place to find ourselves in a community when we were first figuring out we were different.

    You also state that gay women make as much as gay men; I think that's not true. According to the Center for American Progress, LGBT women are more likely to be low income than gay men. If people don't have money to spend, then they can't sustain bars. I'm beyond being a bar person, but when I do go out, chances are I'm choosing not to go to a lesbian bar -- the lesbian bar scene is not really my scene for several reasons. At some point, I realized that friendships based upon only one thing - common sexual orientation -- really don't survive if there's nothing else. In my circle, I know a lot of educated, professional lesbian women who don't go out to lesbian bars...and having hung out in the lesbian bars in the past, the majority of people I saw regularly were not people who had a large disposable income.

    People need the concept of community for different reasons, so I wish you luck in trying to build it.
     
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    Last edited: May 1, 2018
  3. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    I am a bit older as well. I never was much for bars because the women you met in bars skewed towards alcoholics and druggies.

    Of all the women I met other ways (sports clubs, women’s groups, through friends) only a handful were alcoholics. Of the women I met at bars, maybe a third were heavy drinkers / hard drug users.

    I like the idea of reviving lesbian clubs. But honestly, I am part of why they died. It was occasionally fun to go dancing, but it was not a reliable social outlet for me.
     
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  4. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    Exactly...while I like wine or a beer or a cocktail every now and then, the dance clubs revolve around that kind of stuff. One of the reasons, which I didn't disclose, as to why I don't care for the lesbian bar scene....there are many others, including DRAMA.
     
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  5. kim_katie

    kim_katie New Member

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    Thank you both for your replies. Very insightful!

    I 100% agree that bars in general aren’t a good thing to start nowadays, let alone a LGBT bar for women.

    It’s sort of the answer I was looking to confirm without giving out my opinion and skewing answers. Most of the answers have been around that realm :)

    The income thing was based off a couple data sites that include outliers opposed to most data sites that omit outliers. The data in general just is not that clear for LGBT as there’s hardly anything newer than 2017.

    I’m definitely still in the gathering data phase , but thinking up of more ideas of spaces that are not bars nor clubs.
     
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  6. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    I also think that you need to keep in mind that even 10 years ago...before marriage was legal, many people were in the closet....terribly afraid of losing jobs, family, etc., being beat up for who they are (not saying that doesn't happen now, but more people are accepting these days).

    Imagine how it was 20 or 30 years ago when there was no internet...LGBT people needed the bars to find people "like" us. In this day and age, and again with the internet, more LGBT people are visible, so they don't necessarily feel the need to go out to places that are exclusively LGBT to find commonality.

    Data will help you...but take a look at the differences in society when Stonewall happened to what it was today. Perhaps then you can compare/see what's changed to understand where we are today.
     
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  7. kim_katie

    kim_katie New Member

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    I appreciate your input SpyGirl, will definitely look into that and it's a good point to look at history to figure out how today is different/affected.
     
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  8. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Hi. When I first read this, I went, Oh, someone, please someone give me a piano bar! A place to sip iced arnold palmers and dance and smile at my girlfriend.

    Then I had a lot more thoughts. What if there is a place of not just darkness and loud music and watered down booze? What if there are pin ball machines in a side room, what if it really is a place to hang out. We have transformed society before with the clubs we had. But what if we can make it fun and different? Tappas, boba, a place for kids even?

    There is some article about how people are doing pop-ups and it is helping people fill dead spaces in malls, maybe that is a place to start? As long as egress is good and the acoustics are fine?
     
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    Last edited: May 3, 2018
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  9. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    You lost me at kids....I'm one of those people, like Samantha from Sex in the City -- where when I go out to relax, I don't want screaming kids around me.

     
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  10. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    When I was writing that I was thinking of Ikea where they have this space for kids so the moms can shop in peace. I meant some place for the kids at the clubs so the pretty mamas can also join in the fun! And to be realistic, the hour of the day you could actually bring your kids to anything is limited anyway. So the spot would have different patrons just on the time of day. It takes a village to have a bar is all I am saying.
     
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  11. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    Much of that was a joke :)

    I guess it all depends on the goal of the club.
     
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  12. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    If Sky's the limit, what would you like to see in a club?
     
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  13. kim_katie

    kim_katie New Member

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    I like the thinking outside the box!
    It’s something along what I have in mind.

    Thanks for further ideas.
     
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  14. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    @greylin ...I'd have to give that some thought, particularly since I'm not a bar/club person though I used to love them to dance. I'm also not insular and prone to hanging out at exclusively LGBT places.
     
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