Lesbian in love with a not so "straight" girl.

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by Lulu, Nov 25, 2018.

  1. Lulu

    Lulu New Member

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    Lesbian in love with a not so straight friend? I am in love with this girl I met this year, we study together. She has a boyfriend and claims to be straight, but her actions towards me led me to truly believe she has romantic feelings for me. She gets jealous of me only with possible romantic partners, never with friends, showing it in her face, but soon hiding it. I told her how I felt a few months ago and she declined having feelings for me, saying she likes her bf a lot and were straight, and that even if she wasnt with him she wouldnt date me. Also she imposed that I was confused about her, that I didnt like her like that, that it was just because Im at a new phase in my life, blablabla. Its not like her to impose things like that. But since then she kept being overly affectionate towards me, once at a bar she laid her head on my shoulder BUT not friend like, literaly her lips were almost touching my neck and I could feel her breath there, as I held her and stroked her shoulder, after long time in this position she kissed my cheek, it was very intimate. Later that day she were jealous of a pretty girl who aproached me. When I bring up gay topics with friends she never participates and often retires herself and calls her boyfriend. I have backed away from her because its a very frustrating situation, I am sure she likes me otherwise she wouldn't be so angry and upsed when I date someone. Is there another explanation for her behavior?? Last week she told our common friend that her relashionship was not okay and she DIDNT KNOW IF SHE LIKED HER BOYFRIEND but didnt want to explain what was going on. She is shy, reserved, 21 year old who hasnt had much experiences in life, this guy is her first sexual partner. But now this week she just told my friend that her and her boyfriend were okay again. She keeps staring at me from afar, she knows I backed away and seems upset, but she wont come to me and ask me about it. I am hooking up with a girl in colleged and when she sees us she seems very upset. What should I do??? How do I get her to admit her feelings??? I truly just want to be with her, but I would never be invasive or push anything. My friend who is also her friend Will question (confront) her about her jealousy towards me (cause he sees It for a while, and he is sure she likes me but cant get out of the comfort of her straight girl fantasy). He will tell me later what she responds, If she gets nervous and desperately deny it, its another sign of her wanting to stay in the closet. I just want some advice...
    UPDATE: Today my friend saw her CRYING after she saw me with the girl Im hooking up. CRYING. She talked to My friend before that and was angry with me for ignoring her, when he confronted her about the jealousy and told her she likes me she Said this subject made her uncomfortable and she didnt want to talk about It.
     
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    Last edited: Nov 26, 2018
  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    I think you need to look after yourself here. You did the right thing in backing off from this girl for your own sake. She has a boyfriend, denies that she feels things for you and says so to you AND your mutual friends. However, she enjoys the attention she gets from you and acts jealous when you give your attention to someone else.

    I honestly think that this this girl doesn't feel the same way about you as you feel about her from what you've said. Keep your distance from her and date other people. Until she breaks up with her boyfriend she is unavailable anyway and not worth your energy or emotional effort.
     
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  3. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

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    Blanket statement: Stay away from "straight" and straight women who "don't know what they want." There are so many wonderful, out, queer women who are comfortable dealing with their feelings for women honestly.

    It doesn't matter if she likes you too or whether she is straight. Shy, 21 years old, closeted, uncomfortable with "gay" topics, in a relationship - this doesn't go anywhere easy or good. There are too many hurdles here, and too much evidence that you flirting or pushing her boundaries is making her really uncomfortable.

    Even if she gives it a shot, the chances are really really high that she will hurt you by backing out, freaking out about the reality of being in a queer relationship, or remaining partly closed off from you or closeted generally. I don't think it's worth your emotional work.

    In your shoes, I'd enjoy the crush, and let it go.
     
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  4. Lulu

    Lulu New Member

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    I never flirted ir pushed her boundaries! All intimate contacts were iniciated by her, i never pushed anything nor tried anything with her. Acttualy she was the one who flirted, and I was the one uncomfortable with that. The only things I did months ago that did make her uncomfortable was being truthful about How I felt for her, and I think later on she realized that she likes me back but cant admit It. The matter is: she is absolutely unhappy and me and My friends can tell that by the look on her face. She clearly doesn't know anymore How she feels about her boyfriend and I believe I AM the reason for that. She keeps looking at me with Sad eyes. I just want her to be happy.
     
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  5. Maroon

    Maroon Member

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    Sometimes when we feel for someone, we relate everything they do as more than what it means. When in actual fact we're probably think too much. She probably just wants your company, attention and perhaps missing out on the fact that she was once the one you gave attention to. Straight girls enjoy the attention.. Alot. They have nothing to lose anyway. And most times, we allow them to flirt with us and we're the one getting mixed signals and then get pretty messed up.

    Like the above replies, i know it's hard to do, but try to minimise contact further for her and yourself, if you want her to be happy. Because actually you deserve to be happy too.. Maybe with someone else.
     
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  6. Lulu

    Lulu New Member

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    Today My friend Saw her CRYING after she Saw me with the girl Im hooking up. There is no explanation for that.
    She is in love with me and It kills her to see me with someone else. But she isnt strong enough yet to admit it and to break up with her boyfriend. But she will. She cant deny It anymore, at least not to herself.
     
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  7. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    Yes..but what your friend sees is irrelevant. You have to take what she says to you at face value, period. She said that even if she weren't dating her boyfriend, she would NOT date you....

    All the what ifs in the world mean nothing if she's in denial or confused or upset. That you suppose she is in love with you is mere speculation UNLESS and UNTIL SHE either acts on it or tells you. Right now, you don't need to go there with her because she's been completely explicit WITH YOU about her intentions -- nothing on that end has changed. Simply, there is nothing you can do; this is her own internal struggle and hers alone.

    Someone once told me that you cannot love someone if you do not love yourself first...you're in for a rollercoaster if you pursue something with this girl if she's having self-acceptance issues.
     
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  8. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    So with Maroon and Spy on this. Women are conditioned to be hyper aware of other people’s feelings. Therefore we read into all the ranges of emotions people have and take note of what we hear about the going ons of people we care about. You really care about this girl, I get it. But as @Nancy said, you gotta lookout for you here.

    If you are in a couplehood, this type of awareness and caring is good to have. But you are not. Despite any hints she gives you or suffering she goes through, you need to not only heed for your own sake but respect (triple underlined) what she had actually said to you. That is the thing to go by. Otherwise anything else can get you in a real fix. She can regret any closeness physical or otherwise and blame it on you the morning after. Please watch out for this one, mixed messages are giant sink holes that you can’t see until you are on top of it.
     
    #8
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