She stayed up all night, thinking about the past 3 years of fun they've had together - the numerous exciting meetups and friendly banter over what was best was the business. The companionship and time spent together was what she craved the most. The more she thought about it, the more pain and constriction she felt in her chest, as the tears well up in her eyes time and again. She has cried many nights this year, over the reduced attention that her older, wiser and more independent once-companion, had given her. She blamed herself for getting too attached, too emotionally driven in her and in the vision they once had together. In fact, she hated herself for expecting more out from their relationship - whatever it was. What was she even thinking? The person she loved is 25 years older, highly respected in her corporate work, with 3 children that depended on her completely, and parents as well, that are still a major part of her life. Where on earth was a younger, highly temperamental, naive, and sheltered 25 year old, ever going to take precedence in her life. Despite painfully admitting that there was no future in being lovers or anything remotely to such a relationship, the biggest question that dances in her head very night was - exactly when did her companion decided to re-prioritise her time such that she no longer had a part in it. They had a fantastic 3 years of close contact. Did something happen then? Was it really work, which was the daily reason given by her companion for not being able to talk or meet? NO! She doesn't believe that. Time is managed. And of all people, she knew her companion was a master of time management. So it definitely was a decision made to reduce contact. After all she is a single mother but also a straight woman. ----- I am writing this because I can't move on. I am writing this in third party because it was the easiest way to express myself. I can't admit to myself either of the situation I'm in.