"joke" relationship with my straight(?) friend

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by pinkfins, Jan 8, 2015.

  1. pinkfins

    pinkfins New Member

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    i used to be very close friends with a girl i met several years ago (who i'll call tara), and although we rarely see each other anymore, we've sort of sporadically reconnected every so often since then. she recently texted me out of the blue, and we hit it off like no time had passed. we connect in a way that i only have with a couple people in my life--where you just don't run out of things to talk about and you enjoy every second of it.

    anyway, it's a weird situation, but i'll try to explain as best i can. basically, she and i and some other friends had a clique where we pretended we were couples. we'd constantly try to one-up each other with flirting--it escalated to the point where we would fake having sex etc, and my poor little gay heart was having a hard time dealing with it because i wanted it to be real but i didn't quite understand that at the time.

    our dynamic remained even when we weren't with our other friends. we cuddled, we slept in the same bed even though we didn't need to, she'd try to be sexy to get me to react, and say sweet things and run her hands through my hair as we were falling asleep. it was like a dream for me. i got so close to crossing the line and "fake" kissing her, you have no idea.

    it was all well and good, but the thing is, this entire time i knew she was uncomfortable with anything lgbt related. she'd expressed on multiple occasions that she "didn't get it" and would make ew faces if it ever got brought up. we're nerds so we talk mostly about media, and she still has only ever shown interest in straight romance. her facebook status is interested in men.

    i feel so conflicted because while i can see she's borderline heterosexist and i should give up on this, i can feel that she likes me. i don't really know in what way, but it's hard not to hold on to that sliver of hope when pretty much the first thing she told me when i saw her again was that i'm pretty, and she's an emotionally reserved person, so i know it's special.

    i just want to know if anyone else thinks it's possible tara had/has feelings for me, or if it all probably was just a joke for her.
     
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    Last edited: Jan 8, 2015
  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    hm. I see two possibilities, but only one course of action.

    Possibility One: she is gay and deeply closeted. You guys' playing house lets her express her sexuality, without breaking the wall of denial.

    Possibility Two: she is straight and you guy's role playing is just part of normal development. Platonically playing house or doctor or whatever isn't all that unusual.

    but the only course of action that I see is to separate from her and start dialing back on the role playing stuff. If she is straight or deeply closeted, there is no way that you two will wind up together. And some kind of revelation to her is not going to go down well.

    But the role playing is uncomfortable and confusing to you. So it needs to stop. Playing house is about having fun and exploring, not about getting into something that is bad for you emotionally.

    There is a point where youngins' quit playing games and start having real relationships. I'm not saying you are totally ready to paint the town red, but it sounds like you have gotten to the stage where the games are too confusing for you. So it's time to quit them.

    And if you know you like girls, see if you can seek out places that will be lgbtq supportive. Youth groups or a school club or the like.

    Good luck.
     
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  3. pinkfins

    pinkfins New Member

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    thank you for your thoughts!

    we don't act that way in our relationship anymore (it's been a few years since we have), and i think honestly that might be the biggest sign that, like you said, it was a developmental thing for both of us--but in different ways. we were young enough that it makes sense.

    i'm actually out to some friends and family, and i'm in college, so i'm in a decent place self-acceptance and support wise. i guess i'm really just hanging on to my first love :')
     
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  4. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    ahh, OK, that makes sense.

    I'm happy for you that you are in a good place. It takes work to get there, so congrats to you. Not everyone has it all figured out by college, so you're doing pretty good for yourself.

    Well, it sounds like you have an unrequited first crush. Idk if she is closeted or straight, but she is clearly not comfortable with her homosexuality. It's OK to still appreciate the good parts of her, but move on to look for someone who is available.

    Good luck.
     
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