I've never had a couple... I'm 25.

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Naima, Sep 10, 2016.

  1. Naima

    Naima New Member

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    Hello everyone!

    As I've said in the title, I'm 25 and I haven't had a relationship with a girl. Just I've kissed a few of them, cause I don't feel like having sex with someone who is not important for me. And now... I have started to think that I should take a step forward and break the ice in this theme. When someone ask me for my previous relationships I'm, somehow, sad about the lack of them...
    What do you think? Someone could give some advice?


    Warmly,
     
    #1
  2. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    Don't compromise who you are or what you believe in.

    Sex can exist in or out of a relationship; and, relationships don't have to be based upon sex. And dating someone does not have to mean sex or that you're in a relationship. Most importantly, sex does not equal love.

    As for you, there could be a lot going on. Perhaps you haven't met the right girl yet. But don't go putting the cart before the horse, and, please stop overthinking it. Why not try to meet someone who has common interests, whether its through activities you enjoy or you try dating websites? The point is -- put yourself out there and allow yourself to get to know people without putting pressure on yourself to jump into a relationship or to jump into sex. Spend time with someone because you enjoy spending time with her...and if there's a mutual attraction, let whatever happens evolve as it should. What might be right for one person might not be right for you either -- so stop feeling bad that you haven't had many relationships or even sex at this point -- you can't compare yourself to others people in this regard.

    Adjust your perspective, but don't change who you are -- because you also don't want to wake up one day regretting that you did something with someone who means nothing to you.
     
    #2
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  3. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

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    I dated in high school and college, but after a few relationships shied away from relationships and said no to a lot of people who were interested in me (for hookups, more serious dating, etc). At 23, I realized that I had been saying no because I was overwhelmed, felt like I didn't know how to deal with people's interest, and was afraid that I didn't share it and shouldn't waste their time. So when this cute, awkward girl asked me out, after we'd shared an intense week of roadtrip with friends, I said yes. (We're married now.)

    It is okay to say yes. It is okay to say, Okay, let's try it. And then to try it. You really don't know what someone will mean to you until you've spent more time with them, had some shared experiences, learned about who you are and what they want - and you can't do that if you never say yes. You can always say no later! (That's Consent 101.) You also say that you've kissed a girl but don't feel like having sex. There is a WORLD of relationship-ish steps before and between those two things! Jumping into bed with a girl does not make a relationship, and you can take your time before having sex and still be open to learning about her and whether it might be a good fit. I've had good relationships with no sex, and great one-night stands that were not relationships, and both were ways to say yes that were safe and exciting to me at the time.

    So that's my advice. Start getting ready to say yes - to coffee, to hanging out, to a moonlight stroll. Start being open to doing some asking, even low-key asking. Start being open to the uncertainty that you can have dates and relationships and dalliances with people who are not necessarily your one-and-only, and that people only become one-and-onlys when we take a risk to get to know them.

    And don't be embarrassed about your history. Dating is not like a teen movie, in real life, and nobody teaches us how to do this. You have a lot of life left to explore relationships - be grateful that you have spent so much time learning to know and like yourself, without a partner, because that is a strength that you will bring into friendships and partnerships.
     
    #3
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  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    This is fantastic advice
     
    #4
  5. Naima

    Naima New Member

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    Thank you so much for your advice!
    I'm completely agree with you. Every persone that comes to our lives has something to bring, when we keep away our expectations, the reality'll surprise us.
     
    #5
  6. Estra

    Estra Member

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    I've had boyfriends but never full intimacy until I was 27. You know what? When asked I was proud to say I hadn't because I had follow my values and refused to go further if i couldn't feel it was right. I was also for a bit, I know now, in a depression phase so feeling might have been lower than they would have been normally. If you feel that could be the reason, a therapy could bring you some positive outcome on getting to know you better.
    But still I refused to do it if I didn't have feelings. Be proud, not ashamed, this is a choice and you're the one in charge, do it when it feels right. As other said, it takes time, lots of exchanges to feel a connection growing and be like "ok i might be ready". Don't push it, don't force it, you'll know. It took a month for my first gf and I to be completely intimate, we did it gradually and one day, we both felt like we wanted to share this together. Enjoy each step and don't stress about it, you can even mention to her date it's new to you so you want to take it slow, if she is a good person she will get it and put an honor to make you feel good. Otherwise, ahem, walk away ;) take care and... relax :)
     
    #6

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