it's probably nothing, but...

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Wonderland, Jun 19, 2017.

  1. Wonderland

    Wonderland New Member

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    Post discarded.
     
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    Last edited: Jun 19, 2017
  2. Narley

    Narley Well-Known Member

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    Hmmm.... Honestly I don't know, can I ask for more info? Aka who did you find out from that this friend dates women? Did you ask your girlfriend if she had been aware of it?

    My response to my gf/Fiancée would be to just ask her. Not in a raging jealous kind of way but just more conversationary? If you trust your gf give her the benefit of the doubt and speak with her. Not to get her not to go on the trip because in that sense I think you are right. A girl needs her freedom and individuality.
    But maybe getting some just honest facts on the friends personal situation will help you leave behind this unease. If not then you can feel free to express your concerns and fearsto your gf Everyone has them. It's ok to admit you have slight insecurity issues since you found out your girls friend is into girls too. As to whether this friend is into your gf... It's anyone's guess. Sorry wish I could be more help but I definitley don't think it's worth freaking out about prematurely.
     
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  3. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

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    If you trust your girlfriend, you trust your girlfriend.

    Maybe the friend is into her. Maybe the friend is just psyched to have a queer buddy who she doesn't have to perform straight girl nonsense around. Maybe the friend lost touch a million years ago and both your girlfriend and the friend are just excited to be able to build their friendship again. Maybe she's texting her with her pokemon scores or some inside joke. There are lots of possibilities. Whatever the truth, if you trust your girlfriend to act right, then you trust her to act right. If the friend makes a move, you trust her to shoot it down. If the platonic queer dishing gets a little to personal or verges on the romantic, you trust her to redirect. If the rekindling starts to feel like destiny, you trust her to keep it friendly.

    You don't know what's motivating this woman, but you DO know your girlfriend. So I think that unless you have a reason to not trust your girlfriend, you should let her know that you trust her to act right, to tell you if something awkward happens, and to set boundaries appropriately. If she thinks that something's off, she should decline the offer, not trade on your insecurity so that you do it for her. Otherwise, it's just a camping trip.

    If you don't trust her, that's another question. (And "not trusting the other woman" is really a flavor of not trusting your partner.)

    And... I have queer friends who I hang out with without my partner. My wife has queer coworkers who she gets drinks with and women-loving friends who has gone on trips with. Just like men and women can be friends without it being about anyone's interest, queers can have queer friends.
     
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