It literally kills me, please help...

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by LilUnicorn, Feb 25, 2018.

  1. LilUnicorn

    LilUnicorn Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2015
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    3
    Hello everyone...

    Let's start with a thing that's been a big part of my life and brought me probably more pain than anything else. I always been in love since school and that wasn't mutual, always such a pain..

    But recently in the beginning of January I meet a girl on "HER" app, she initiated that. We talked and that was a click, we decided to meet up.
    Our first meet went perfectly: we laughed, talked a lot and had a great time. She wrote that was great .
    It was!!
    Btw we met after she finished work , she works a lot but that day she finished earlier. Then 2 weeks passed and we couldn't meet during that time because of her work , then I asked if I could meet her after work and take her home, she said she'd finish super late but I said that was fine . I found an address myself .
    When I met her she seemed happy and said she were impressed.
    When we got to her house I gave her a bracelet I made myself, she loved it and kissed me on lips 3 times when we said bye.
    After that we were keeping conversations on fb but she wasn't that initiative though asking how I were doing sometimes and when I had a breakdown told me encougaging words and that she hugs me and kisses.
    On insta she were commenting some of my stories or liking posts on fb
    Well then before she went to another country for a week she had some health issues because of stress and we failed to meet. I were worrying and asked if I could help her and proposed options like I could've come and give some medicine that would definitely happen, but she only answered "you're so sweet". And yes, I brought her tiny roses and she loved it.
    I decided to buy needed stuff and made it to the anti-stress kit, put it in a bag, wrapped it in a plastic bag and buried it behind her house with directions and said she should take it before she leaves. She only went there the next day and said she couldn't find it. We both were upset and she still were stressed, I told her some encouraging words and she said I were the best.
    She got her neighbors to find that.
    The day she were supposed to get back I asked to which airport she arrives, she told me. The time I figured out by her ig story. I came to the airport and met her, she wasn't surprised and not too exited though seemed to be glad to see me. It appeared that her mom were ill and that made it more stressful. I helped with her bags , we took a taxi. All the way back we were cuddling and talking, I said how nude would be if we could fall asleep like that or something and she agreed. Then we got her flat and she opened that present and said I were sweet.
    Then we went groceries and on the way arranged to watch the movie together one day.
    Well I helped to carry the bags as always etc. on the elevator I wanted to hug her but she started to make out with me. When we got back she said she needed to sleep because she'd have a long hard week at work . We hugged( kinda cuddled) and when said bye made out again and I asked if I could take her from work like that time but she said that would be a problem because of the schedule. I said I were gonna miss her n we said goodbye. She sent me some heart emojis on fb .

    And sometimes she were saying I were beautiful .

    Btw she asked if I could find some ppl in a purpose of her work and 2 days later I found them and told her, she asked some details, I answered and the next day asked what should I tell those ppl. She didn't answer and didn't even read to this day....

    And here it goes...
    she stopped watching my ig stories even though she's on ig every 5 minutes
    She went to another city for work an I asked stuff about that. When she got back (according to her ig story) I commented that and wrote I'm glad her back and safe.
    Then she hided her stories from me.
    I wrote I were going to go to the club we wanted to go before because I needed to dance that shit out (depression) and if she needs me I'm there
    In a while she watched my stories.

    I wrote her flat mate about that situation but he didn't read it so far.

    Well now I know her home and work address but can't know where she is and how to get her to talk and ask the hell is going on. And want to send her flowers .

    And yes, from the beginning those were romantic intentions, not friendship .

    I SWEAR we have a connection and perfect match on zodiac signs, mutual interests etc. those cuddles ain't lie, I know what I'm talking about.. That made me crazy after all that unrequited shit and I committed, Id take care of her no matter what , race responsibilities and all that... I can help her with her work and make a big favor (get her a celebrity for an interview )

    When that shit started, there's always a suffocate feeling in my chest , I don't eat and think only of her and how it hurts but I can't kill myself so it feels like an endless hell. Same feeling when you loose your relative or someone...

    Well what should I do?
    She's perfect for me and there's no way I'll give up. I have a lot to offer. And have so much plans where to take her and where she wanted to go. I mean I'd do anything to get her but not bothering her and not being egoistic of course because I've fallen in love with her REALLY HARD.

    Thank you all in advance for spending your time on this. May the love be with you.
     
    #1
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2018
  2. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2013
    Messages:
    722
    Likes Received:
    1,034
    Please do not take offense as to what I'm about to say, and know that I can only offer my insight/advice based upon what you've written, okay? We have not had an objective opportunity to see the two of you together or to know what signals she was giving you...i.e. if she was reciprocating.

    You seem like a very sweet and thoughtful woman -- one who many would love to date.

    However, based upon what you've written -- I think that in this situation you've come on way too strong. I think that maybe after the first date you started going way too fast with your intentions, almost jumping into a relationship and doing the things that serious couples do, when you weren't a serious couple. And sometimes there's a fine line between being nice and thoughtful and and between being smothering and...I hate to say it, but you sound like a stalker. For example, meeting someone at the airport is cool when you're in a serious relationship and planning a surprise, but if you're into this new dating thing more than she is, I can see where she'd put off by your just showing up because you made the deduction from IG. I'm a very independent person and I appreciate thoughtful gestures, but the over the top romantic efforts you've made would have me running away if I were in her situation...I know this because there have been times where I've been in her shoes and had to cut off relationships because others came on way too strong to the point of making me uncomfortable.

    From what you've written...it seems that you were far more into her than she was ever into you. Here you are planning where to take her when it doesn't seem like you've considered the fact that she's not on the same page as you. That she kissed or made out with you doesn't have anything to do with her true feelings. You've allowed yourself to fall madly in love with her when it really hasn't been all that long.

    So, instead of being honest and telling you that she's just not into you in the same way, it seems that she's taken the coward's position and do what many people do -- just avoid you. Trust me, it's happened to a lot of us on this board at one time or another....and yes, I've been there, too.

    You also have to recognize that you can't make someone love you. Bottom line, if it's not there on her end, it's not there and probably never will be. No matter what you do, you can't make her heart feel what it does not.

    You also need to recognize that happiness has to be found from within you..and anyone else should only enhance that -- not be the source of it.
     
    #2
    LilUnicorn, Kaorin and greylin like this.
  3. LilUnicorn

    LilUnicorn Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2015
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    3
    Thank you so much for this detailed answer! Thanks for spending your time on this!

    I got that gradually and now I understand and think what would it be if I went slower ? But that's rather rhetorical.
    How could I funked that up this much?? Ugh.. is it possible to prove myself in the right?

    Anyway I decided not to text her and see what happens...
     
    #3
  4. LilUnicorn

    LilUnicorn Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2015
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    3
    She wrote today:


    "Hey, I'm sorry to send you this message when you're feeling so shit and sad, but I feel like we may have moved way too fast. This week has been very full on and it is the reality of my job and lifestyle - I don't really have room right now for anyone else and I can't give you the time or care that you really deserve. You're beautiful and interesting and talented and deserve to spend your time with someone who can put in as much time into a connection as you do. I hope you understand and that you feel better soon ❤️"
     
    #4
  5. LilUnicorn

    LilUnicorn Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2015
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    3
    Maybe propose it without obligation ? As long as I know what to expect I'm ready for anything and won't come to disappointment.. love is not about dependency I experienced.
     
    #5
  6. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2013
    Messages:
    722
    Likes Received:
    1,034
    As you can see, you're still trying to rationalize -- what I stated was exactly what she stated to you. This was her really nice way of letting you down easy.

    If you hope to maintain any respect with her, please stop texting her. You will drive her further away -- and make yourself look like a stalker -- if you continue to push.
     
    #6
    LilUnicorn likes this.
  7. LilUnicorn

    LilUnicorn Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2015
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    3

    Yes, that's what I'm about. Stop texting. Thank you for your attention and advice!
     
    #7
    Spygirl likes this.

Share This Page