It feels like we've know each other forever...

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by Meg814, May 21, 2016.

  1. Meg814

    Meg814 New Member

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    Hey guys I could really use some help and guidance. So here it goes.

    I met a beautiful (inside and out) girl in February while working on a project for school. I knew it instantly when she walked in when my eyes met hers. There was just one other girl and I in the room as we were setting stuff up for the day. I introduced myself and she did too and gave a gorgeous smile. Lets say her name is B. That day she sat next to me as we worked and shared laughs and got to know each other. It was like we were the only people in the room (there was about 10 others in the at the time). 2 weeks went by and we were pretty much inseparable, I like to take things slow but not too slow as I was having a hard time reading her as what her sexuality was and I'm not the type of person to just blurt it out. So I finally gave her my number and we texted nonstop for like a week, sometimes until 3-4 am. We would get into deep personal conversations and have had a few similar experiences in life and love which brought us closer. So I was still trying to figure her out (I have horrible gaydar when it comes to girls, guys I have no problem, I can pick one out from a mile away) she would say things like oh I think that girl is gorgeous but so does most straight girls. One night we were talking and I said I was cleaning out my closet and she responded with 'oh yeah, I have way too much stuff in mine if you know what I mean'. So there was my conformation, but I was still a little skeptical.

    The next day she texted me just normal chitchat stuff as I was going to meet my friend at the movies. She asked if she could tell me something, I stood outside the theater responding to her. She said that she had her eye on someone for the first time in a few years. My heart started racing and I started to freak out saying in my head, omg its me! I try to clam myself and say oh really, do I know this person. I started to freak out again because shes not responding, a good 10 minutes went by. I went into the theater and just as I sat down she replied with.......yes you do know HER. Before I get a chance to respond she does and it says its A. (A is also in our little work group and is a confirmed lesbian) my heart breaks and I don't know what to say. I really wanted to cry but I kept it together. I didn't know what to say to that so i didn't respond until after the movie. She sent me a few texts during the movie but I could bring myself to look at them. She asked if I was surprised that it was A, I was truthful and said yeah I had no clue. She asked what I thought about it, so I told her what any supportive friend would say.... as long as your happy, I'm happy.

    So fast forward to a couple of weeks ago, B and A are officially dating and little pieces of my heart are being chipped away every time I see them together. B and I still talk pretty much everyday until the 3-4 am and even when she's with A. A couple of weeks ago we are talking and she doesn't seem like herself, I ask her whats going on, she tells me that A and her are fighting and she doesn't know what to do. Being the supportive friend again, as much as I didn't want to say this but I did. I tell her that A is stupid for treating her like that and A doesn't deserve B. So to make a long story short they ended up working thru the problem, But since that night B told me why they were fighting she would text me when she was leaving A's house and when she got home. Normally if B and I are out with our little group we all text when we get home. One night after school stuff, I left because I had to be up early for work the next morning, I'm asleep and B texts me around 1 am her location, which was a bar. That's way out of the norm for her so I start to freak out and text her right away. I ask if shes ok, she responds right away that shes fine. But I don't believe her, she says that she was just trying it out. I ask how much she had to drink, she says none but A drank a lot and taking her home. I tell B to please be careful and let me know when she gets there. I'm wide awake now, anxiously awaiting for B to text me. She does and we talk until she gets home and continue to talk until I have to leave for work.

    Alright sorry this was so long, there is stuff in the middle missing so I just wrote the important stuff, well everything is important when it comes to her. Also it has been a long time since I felt this way towards a girl this quickly and usually when I find out that a girl I like is with someone I usually back off but everything about B is different. We both said it feels like we've known each other forever.

    Any input or advice would be helpful, thanks
     
    #1
  2. Plane Jane

    Plane Jane Active Member

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    I feel for you, that is a crappy place to be in! I'm not someone who should give advice to anyone, but my heart hurts for you!
     
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  3. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    I think next time she has a fight or some discontent with A and you are just feeling riled up, I would say something like, "You know, I have held this in for a long time and I don't want to add to your problems. But, I am of two minds now, one is the true blue friend who is supporting you; and the other is the one who is very taken by you and have been crushing on you and thinks no one who ever treats you like this deserves you. So, I am supportive but at some point, I need to recuse myself in your affairs with A because I don't think I will be very fair in my opinion of A given how I feel about you."
     
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  4. Meg814

    Meg814 New Member

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    Thank you
     
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  5. TheScandinavian

    TheScandinavian Well-Known Member

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    How do you feel towards A? What's the story there? Is she a friend, someone you used to date or just some random person you just happen to know more or less?

    For now it's best to keep it to yourself. Others may not agree but B is currently dating A and since you and A happen to see one another it's gonna be awkward. However, if you end up telling B how you really feel, even if it's shared, you need to deal with A as well. B needs to break up with her first for herself and not because of you. The other thing it-are you sure she's into you? I don't want to sound awful, especially considering the fact that I personally hope that she's into you. There's always the chance of not being liked "that way".

    If you want to do something, nobody can stop you. We're here expressing our pov's but none of us can really do anything to stop you. It is your life so whatever you do, you're gonna stick with the consequences of your actions. Decide whether the risk you want to take is worth it.
    I'll keep my fingers crossed :)
     
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  6. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    @TheScandinavian has a point. It depends I suppose if you are not telling her and you have not told her because part of you knows the answer and possibly part of you knows that you just might get over it with your secret and friendship in tact. Perhaps you are in some agony now but maybe a month or two down the road you will fall for someone available and just right for you and this will all be a tempest in a teapot to the future you.

    However, the case of telling her would be if you are anything like me who can't hold anything in without it coming out of me some other way. I might be withdrawn, morose, or just plain angry then it is not good either, talking is better than that to me. And even if I were to hold something in, I would self combust for sure and that is not better than talking for self-preservation's sake.
     
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  7. rainydaze

    rainydaze Well-Known Member

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    Meg814 -
    Wow! That is a tough position to find yourself in! I'm sorry about that.
    I read your post and could not see if you are out to your friend, B?
    It sounds like A was already out (the term "confirmed lesbian" amused me for some reason:), sorry), but that maybe B didn't know you may be lesbian or bisexual? Is it possible while you were busy crushing on B and trying to figure out if she was into women, that you missed the chemistry and passion that was developing between A & B?

    I don't have any great advice, It sucks when we have a crush on someone and we feel like it is mutual only to find out that it may have been one sided after all. That's why we use the term "Crush" ...it's pretty descriptive. All of us have been there at one time or another and it doesn't feel very good. If you are very close with her and it is safe for you, it is alright to be honest with her about what is going on for you, of course. But don't be too surprised if it doesn't change things in your favor. You might feel better for having told her, but it may very well still hurt.

    If that happens, Pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and remind yourself that B is not the only girl in the world, even though it may feel that way right now. If there is something between the two of you, and it is mutual, she may figure it out eventually. But I don't recommend waiting around for that to happen.

    Also, I would not want to be the one to cause any problems between A & B because they can fight and make-up all they want to, until they decide it is over, they are still a thing. Some couples are like that, and it seems like they aren't a great fit from the outside but that is up to them to figure that out. You may need to distance yourself from B if it is too painful to watch from up close.

    I had an experience (a long time ago to be fair), when I first came out as bisexual that probably falls more along the line of what B could possibly experiencing, to give a different perspective...
    I was sharing with my very dear "straight" friend about how I started flirting/dating/sleeping with this adorable woman who had asked me out. I expected my friend to feel happy & excited for me. She knew that I had been single for a while, and my prior relationship (with a man) had been a long and unhealthy break-up. I thought she would be thrilled for me, and I knew she was open-minded enough to accept that I was dating a woman, so she was one of the first people with whom I shared the news. I was shocked when she responded with feelings of hurt and frustration. She told me directly that she felt if I was ever going to be interested in a woman that it would be her! and she was really sad and disappointed. I was totally confused! She was dating a man at the time (btw), but I also had only interpreted our relationship as an intense friendship. I never realized she considered herself bi, and I certainly didn't perceive that she had been flirting with me at all. She felt that our interactions were passionate/intimate and did not understand that I did not see her that way or feel the same thing for her.
    We tried to stay friends then, but any time I had a little spat with my new girlfriend, she was not very supportive and it was obvious that her primary motivation was not our friendship, so it got weird...for a while and we parted ways. Fast forward and we are now distant friends, not besties but that's ok. She is married with children...
    So am I...to the original adorable butch who asked me out. So, it all worked out for Both of us happily in the end.

    My point is, even when you feel the connection (which may be real), it isn't necessarily interpreted as the same kind of connection by the other person.
    And You will still be Ok....You deserve to have someone who is as wildly attracted to you as you are to her! You don't want to be anyone's second choice because her first choice didn't work out. Don't worry...You will find her!
    Best wishes and keep your chin up!
     
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  8. Bi-Lingual

    Bi-Lingual Member

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    Does she know you're into girls? You seemed to have problems interpreting her sexuality and maybe she has had the same problems. Maybe B is dating A bc B realized she likes girls but doesn't think you do and since A is a known lesbian, B can work out her feelings?
     
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